The myths of Ancient Greece often seem to hinge on a single, recurring theme: the rampant infidelity of Zeus. While the king of the gods relentlessly pursued new lovers, his wife Hera was left to punish his mistresses or, in some cases, all of humanity. But what of the mortals? How did the everyday lives of the ancient Greeks reflect their attitudes toward sex, and was their world truly one of boundless freedom? When we look past the myths and into the culture itself, a far more complex and fascinating picture emerges.

The Unspoken Rule: Dominance and the Role of Women

At the heart of ancient Greek sexuality was the concept of penetration. This act was far more than a physical union; it was a powerful symbol of the social order. For the active, penetrating partner, the act signified masculinity, power, and dominance. Conversely, the passive partner was seen as embodying submission and weakness. This fundamental idea casts a long shadow over our understanding of gender relations in that era.

The position of most women, particularly in a city-state like Athens, was far from enviable. Girls were often married by the age of 13 or 14, passing from the control of their fathers to that of their husbands. Their world was largely confined to the home, which they could not leave without a male escort. A woman's primary purpose was clear and singular: to bear legitimate children for her husband. Within this framework, sexual relations in marriage were seen as a duty for procreation, with little to no consideration given to female pleasure.

A World of Contradictions: Infidelity and the Double Standard

Attitudes toward infidelity were rife with contradiction. Men were generally free to engage in sexual relationships outside of marriage. Many saw their wives as existing solely for childbearing, turning to slaves or other partners to satisfy their desires.

For a woman, however, infidelity was condemned and could be severely punished. Yet, in a revealing twist of logic, the woman herself was not held directly responsible. Any conflict or retribution was a matter to be settled between her husband and her lover. While this might superficially seem like a strange form of privilege, the reality was that it reinforced a woman's status as an object—a possession over which two men had a dispute.

Beyond Athens: The Women of Sparta and the Rise of the Hetairae

Of course, this Athenian model was not universal. In the militaristic society of Sparta, women enjoyed a status much closer to that of men. They could own property, participate in public life, and were afforded a degree of formal equality. The Spartan state, hungry for healthy future soldiers, even turned a blind eye to female infidelity. If a child was born from such a union, it was often welcomed and raised by the community.

While Athenian wives were excluded from men's social gatherings, a unique class of women known as hetaerae were not only permitted but celebrated. These were not common prostitutes; they were highly educated and accomplished women, trained to entertain men with their skills in conversation, poetry, music, and wit. A relationship with a hetaera did not always involve sex, and she retained the agency to refuse a man she found unpleasant.

Hetairae occupied a remarkable space in Greek society. They were free, could control their own property, and in many ways, lived lives far more enriched than those of ordinary married women. The influential Athenian statesman Pericles famously fell in love with a hetaera named Aspasia. It is believed that Aspasia was a brilliant woman who wielded considerable influence over Pericles, advising him on political matters and hosting a social salon frequented by the great thinkers of the age. Because she was not a citizen, their son was not automatically granted citizenship, forcing Pericles to plead with the Athenian assembly to recognize him.

From Sacred Temples to Public Squares: Sexuality on Display

Greek culture was, by modern standards, incredibly open about sex. Explicit imagery was not hidden away but was a common sight. A prime example is the herms: pillar-like statues with a head and an erect phallus that stood on public roads and squares. In 415 BCE, during the Peloponnesian War, the mass vandalism of these herms was considered a terrible sacrilege, and the resulting panic and hunt for the culprits had a profound impact on the course of the war.

Furthermore, temple prostitution was a known practice. In temples dedicated to Aphrodite, the goddess of love, priestesses and priests offered ritual sexual services, an act seen as a form of worship. The famous ritual orgies of the Roman Bacchanalia had their roots in the Greek Dionysia. These festivals in honor of Dionysus, the god of wine and ecstasy, were major events involving feasts, masquerades, artistic competitions, and ritual orgies, celebrating life and fertility without shame.

Mirrors of the Soul: How Literature Reflected Greek Attitudes

Ancient Greek myths and literature offer the most vivid insight into their sexual attitudes. Texts like Homer's Iliad and Odyssey and Hesiod's poems are filled with erotic details, largely free of moralizing judgment. In one story, King Amphitryon is away at war while his wife, Alcmene, enjoys a night of passion with Zeus. When her husband returns, he too makes love to his wife, who later gives birth to twins: Heracles, the son of Zeus, and Iphicles, the son of Amphitryon. The tale is told matter-of-factly, reflecting a time before it was understood that a woman could not conceive by two different men simultaneously.

This literature often reinforces the era's contemptuous view of women. They are frequently portrayed as frivolous or cunning. In many tales, a man cheats, but it is the wronged woman who becomes the villain for her reaction. The sorceress Medea, in revenge against her unfaithful husband Jason, goes against nature itself and destroys their children. In Aristophanes' comedy Lysistrata, the women of Athens attempt to end a war by organizing a sex strike, a plot that portrays them as manipulative.

Poets could be equally harsh. The lyric poet Archilochus wrote tenderly of his beloved's body, but when her father canceled their wedding, his praise turned to poison, and he viciously attacked her character and chastity. A powerful counter-narrative comes from the island of Lesbos, where women enjoyed broader rights. The poetry of Sappho, who lived on the island, expresses female passion with an intensity rarely seen elsewhere. Her lyrical heroines are consumed by desire, losing their senses and feeling their skin turn pale with longing.

The liberality of the ancient Greeks gave rise to a unique tradition where the erotic and the aesthetic were woven together. In their art and their lives, we see no shame, but rather a full-throated reflection of their thinking—from a complex and often contradictory attitude toward women to an incredible, undeniable thirst for love.

References

• Pomeroy, Sarah B. Goddesses, Whores, Wives, and Slaves: Women in Classical Antiquity. Schocken Books, 1995.
  This foundational text provides a comprehensive social history of women across different classes in the ancient world. It directly supports the article's descriptions of the confined lives of Athenian wives (pp. 57-92), the relative freedom of Spartan women (pp. 34-48), and the unique social and economic position of the hetaerae (pp. 89-92).
• Dover, K. J. Greek Homosexuality. Harvard University Press, 1989.
  While its main focus is on same-sex relationships, Dover's work is essential for understanding the core cultural dynamic mentioned in the article. The introduction and early chapters (pp. 1-16, 99-109) masterfully explain the active/penetrative versus passive/penetrated roles and how they were tied to concepts of social status, dominance, and submission, which applied across all sexual interactions, not just homosexual ones.
• Foucault, Michel. The History of Sexuality, Vol. 2: The Use of Pleasure. Vintage, 1990.
  In this volume, Foucault explores how ancient Greek men conceptualized sex not in terms of permission and prohibition, but as a domain of ethical practice and self-mastery. His analysis illuminates the mindset behind the double standard of infidelity and why a man's relations with partners outside of marriage were viewed through a lens of self-control and social obligation rather than morality (particularly in the sections on "The Wife" and "To a Boy").