Have you ever wondered why teenagers who seemingly have it all — private schools, tutors, trips abroad, endless opportunities — sometimes end up looking the most broken inside? Why exactly are they the ones most likely to try hard drugs, drink until they black out, and by age 16 already know what cocaine or ecstasy feels like at those “elite” house parties?

A study published back in 2018 (and still painfully relevant today) revealed a paradox that turns everything we think we know upside down: the higher the family’s socioeconomic status, the greater the chance that the child will regularly use alcohol or drugs. And the highest rates aren’t in poor neighborhoods where people “escape reality” — they’re in gated communities, top-tier private schools, and multimillion-dollar suburbs.

What exactly did they find?

A team led by psychologist Suniya Luthar had been studying upper-middle-class American teens for years. In 2018, they published a paper that became a cornerstone in this field:

• Luthar, S., Small, P. J., & Ciciolla, L. (2018). Adolescents from upper middle class communities: Substance misuse and addiction across early adulthood. Development and Psychopathology, 30(1), 315–335.

The findings were brutal:

• Teens from families earning over $200–250K per year use alcohol and marijuana 2–3 times more often than peers from middle- or lower-income families.
• Hard drug use (cocaine, MDMA, opioids) is 2–4 times higher in this group compared to national norms.
• The highest rates of all? Among girls from wealthy families. Yes, the girls.

Why does this happen? A clear psychological explanation

Picture a pressure that doesn’t scream — it quietly suffocates. Parents who have achieved a great deal themselves (doctors, lawyers, business owners, C-level executives) unconsciously pass on one single worldview to their child: you’re either the best, or you’re nothing.

It is rarely framed as “do what you love.” Instead, the message is “be number one at everything.” Top of the class, captain of every team, first chair violin, perfect volunteer hours (because it looks amazing on college applications), and of course — Ivy League or bust.

Psychologists call this conditional parental regard. The child very quickly learns a devastating lesson: “I’m loved not for who I am, but for what I achieve.” And when you’re 15 and can barely breathe under the weight of grades, tests, practices, and SAT prep — you start looking for any possible release valve.

Alcohol and drugs become that valve.

They kill anxiety instantly. For a few hours, you stop being your parents’ “project” and just… exist. And the scariest part? Parents often see it — and look the other way. “Yeah, he drinks a bit, but he has a 4.0 GPA and he’s captain of the lacrosse team.” “She smoked a joint? As long as she gets into Stanford…” This is called success at any cost. And the cost is the child’s mental health.

A fascinating psychological phenomenon: “Privileged Distress”

Suniya Luthar coined the term affluent adolescent distress. This isn’t just “tired from too many tutors.” These are clinical levels of anxiety and depression that hide behind the mask of the “perfect high-achieving kid.”

In lower-income families, stress is usually external: no money, unsafe neighborhood, parents working three jobs. In wealthy families, stress is internal: “I’m not allowed to struggle because I already have everything.”

Here’s the cruel twist: when you “have everything,” you’re not allowed to complain. “You’re unhappy? With your life?!” So the kid shuts down. Then locks himself in the bathroom and downs half a bottle of dad’s Glenfiddich just to turn his brain off for an hour.

More disturbing findings from research

Girls from affluent families use substances more often because the pressure to be “perfect” (looks, grades, image) is even heavier on them. Boys more often explode outward — fights, reckless driving, rage. The most dangerous cocktail is sky-high parental expectations mixed with low emotional warmth and monitoring. Parents demand results but never learned how to talk about feelings.

By their early 20s, many of these kids end up in rehab. What started as self-medication for anxiety turned into full-blown physiological dependence.

So what actually helps?

You don’t need to pull your kid out of private school and move to the worst neighborhood. The problem isn’t money — it’s family culture. What really works, backed by dozens of studies, is a shift in priorities:

• Talk to your child about feelings, not just grades and scores. Make the dinner table a place for connection, not an interrogation about homework.
• Let them fail sometimes. Seriously. One B or a lost game is not the end of the world. It builds resilience.
• Show them you love them regardless of achievements. Make sure they know they are worthy simply because they exist, not because they won.
• Be openly imperfect yourself. Tell them about your own failures. It removes the “I have to be superhuman” curse.

Because when a child knows they’re loved even when they’re “just good enough” instead of “the best in the universe,” they simply don’t need to escape from themselves into a bottle or a baggie.

So if you’re a parent reading this and thinking “no way, my kid is fine,” just ask them tonight how they’re really doing. Not about grades. Just how they’re doing inside. It might end up being the most important conversation of their life.