Anger is not just an outburst — it is a form of communication. It often hides deeper emotions like hurt, fear, or a need that has not been met. When we react in anger, we usually aren’t reacting to the situation in front of us, but to old emotional wounds stored in the body. The key is not to “control” anger, but to understand it. By pausing, naming what we truly feel, and expressing needs clearly, anger transforms from something explosive into something empowering. When handled with awareness, anger becomes a guide that points us toward healing and more honest relationships — with others and with ourselves.

We talk about anger as if it's a flaw — something to control, suppress, apologize for.

But anger is not the enemy.

Anger is the alarm system.

It arrives when something important has been:

• crossed
• ignored
• disrespected
• or silenced.

Anger says: “A boundary was broken.”

Before we feel anger, we feel something else — but softer:

• Hurt
• Disappointment
• Fear
• Loneliness
• Shame

But we rarely notice those.

Why?

Because those emotions make us feel exposed.

Anger, on the other hand, makes us feel armored.

It is easier to say, “I’m angry,” than to say, “I’m hurt.”

So the body does what bodies do —
it protects us first, explains later.

The real work is not getting rid of anger.

The work is asking:

“What is the hurt underneath this heat?”

Maybe you weren’t listened to.

Maybe you were dismissed.

Maybe love didn’t feel safe.

Maybe you needed care — and got silence.

When we learn to sit with the emotion behind anger, anger finally loosens.

It doesn’t need to fight anymore.

Anger is not the fire.

It is the smoke.

To heal, we don’t chase the smoke.

We tend to what’s burning.