You plan the perfect evening with friends, but it turns into rain, delays, and boredom. You prepare for a promotion for months, only to get a "thanks for your efforts." Sound familiar? The more hopes we pin on something, the more painful it is when reality falls short. This isn't just bad luck—it's a pattern that psychology explains quite simply.

How the Expectation Mechanism Works

It all starts with how the brain builds predictions. When we really want a certain outcome, we imagine it in detail: the perfect vacation, a flawless meeting, or a dream gift. This creates an internal "benchmark"—a picture we compare reality to.

Psychologists call this cognitive contrast. If reality is close to the benchmark—joy. If it's lower—the gap feels like failure. The higher the benchmark, the bigger the drop. Simple example: you expect a Michelin-star restaurant but end up in a regular diner. The diner's food might be objectively good, but compared to your expectation, it feels like you've been cheated.

What Research Says

This idea was first clearly articulated by Daniel Kahneman, a Nobel Prize winner in economics who was actually a psychologist. In his prospect theory (1979), he showed that people evaluate events not by absolute values, but by deviation from expectations. Losing $100 hurts more than finding the same amount brings joy, because we compare to a "zero point"—what we counted on.

Later experiments confirmed this. In a 2004 study (published in Journal of Personality and Social Psychology), participants were promised different prizes. Those expecting the biggest felt the strongest disappointment, even if the prize was objectively good. The authors—David Mellers and Ilan Yenni—called it the effect of disappointment from inflated standards.

Another interesting fact: in sports, fans who predicted their team would win the championship before the season were more likely to fall into depression after a loss than those who were more relaxed about it. A 2018 University of California study (published in Emotion) showed that cortisol levels (the stress hormone) rose in proportion to the gap between expectation and result.

Why We Do It

Evolutionarily, high expectations are motivation. They make us prepare, plan, and move forward. But in the modern world, where ads, social media, and filters create illusions of perfection, we easily overdo it. Instagram shows "perfect" trips, Tinder—"perfect" partners. The brain takes this as the norm.

How to Reduce the Risk of Disappointment

You don't have to give up dreams—just keep expectations flexible. Here's what helps:

• Set a range, not a point. Instead of "everything will be perfect," think: "it could be good, it could be okay, the main thing is to try."
• Enjoy the process. If the focus is on the journey, not the finish line, failure doesn't ruin everything.
• Practice "anticipating disappointment." Ask yourself: "What if it doesn't turn out the way I want?" This reduces the contrast.
• An observation from psychologists' practice: people who regularly keep a gratitude journal for what they already have are less likely to be disappointed. Because their benchmark is closer to reality.

Conclusion

High expectations are a double-edged sword. They give drive but also risks. Understanding the mechanism—cognitive contrast, the disappointment effect—helps avoid the trap. Next time you're planning something important, add to your plan not just "how it should be," but also "how it might be." And maybe disappointment will visit less often.

Sources

• Kahneman, D., & Tversky, A. (1979). Prospect Theory. Econometrica.