How to Know If You’ve Chosen the Right Partner

Signs to Look For Before Saying “Yes”

Choosing the right partner is one of the most life-changing decisions you will ever make. The person you marry will share in your joys, your struggles, and your daily life. A strong relationship can bring peace, security, and a sense of purpose, while the wrong choice can lead to years of conflict, disappointment, and heartbreak.

In the excitement of romance, it’s easy to overlook certain truths or brush off warning signs. That’s why it’s worth taking a step back and asking: How do I know if I’ve chosen the right person?

This article will walk you through the qualities of a healthy relationship, the warning signs you shouldn’t ignore, and how to recognise when it’s time to move forward with commitment—or when to take a step back.

1. Green Flags – Signs of a Healthy, God-Centered Relationship

A truly good partner is more than just someone you feel attracted to; they are someone whose life and actions show strength of character. Here are some qualities that suggest you’re on the right path:

• Faith and shared spiritual values – You both believe in God and share a commitment to living by biblical principles such as love, honesty, respect, and humility. Faith gives a relationship a solid moral foundation and helps guide decisions in difficult times.

• Mutual respect – You value each other’s opinions, even when you disagree, and treat one another as equals before God. There is no belittling, no “winning” arguments at the other’s expense.

• Kindness and empathy – Your partner shows compassion, patience, and understanding—not just to you, but also to family, friends, and strangers. How a person treats those who cannot benefit them says a lot about their heart.

• Emotional safety – You can share your fears, mistakes, and dreams without fear of judgment or ridicule, knowing you’ll be met with care and understanding.

• Consistency and integrity – They keep their promises, follow through on their words, and live according to the values they claim to believe in.

• Support and encouragement – They stand by you in your struggles, celebrate your successes, and want to see you grow into the person God has called you to be.

  2. Red Flags – Signs You Should Not Ignore

While it’s tempting to focus only on the positives, there are also behaviours that should make you pause. These may not seem urgent early on, but they often grow worse over time:

• Controlling or manipulative behaviour – Making all the decisions, isolating you from friends or family, or pressuring you to act against your beliefs.

• Disrespect – Belittling your opinions, mocking your feelings, or making “jokes” that hurt.

• Dishonesty – Hiding important things, telling lies, or twisting the truth.

• Lack of accountability – Never admitting fault, blaming others, or avoiding responsibility.

• Emotional instability – Frequent mood swings, angry outbursts, or unpredictable reactions.

These behaviours are serious because they point to deep-rooted issues that often get worse in marriage.

3. The Myth of the Perfect Person

Sometimes people spend years searching for “the perfect one” and reject good, loving partners over small flaws. The truth is, no one is perfect. Every person has weaknesses and habits that can be irritating. The key is knowing the difference between harmless imperfections and deal-breakers.

Being forgetful about small things may not matter in the long run. But a pattern of disrespect, dishonesty, or unwillingness to work on personal growth is not something to overlook.

4. How Long Should You Wait Before Committing?

There’s no magic number, but generally, a year to a year and a half is long enough to see someone in different seasons of life. You want to observe how they handle stress, disappointment, and conflict—not just romance and excitement. Rushing too quickly can mean committing before you truly know how you work together in the real world.

5. Seeing Compatibility in Real Life

Dating isn’t just about candlelight dinners and weekend getaways. To know if someone is truly right for you, spend time with them in everyday situations:

• Watch how they treat waiters, shop assistants, or strangers.

• Notice how they react when things don’t go as planned.

• See whether they respect your boundaries and your time.

These moments reveal far more than words ever can.

Conclusion – Building on a Strong Foundation

Marriage is more than attraction, passion, or shared hobbies—it’s about trust, respect, shared faith, and a willingness to grow together. Look for the green flags, take the red ones seriously, and remember that no one will be perfect. The right person will not complete you, but they will walk beside you, supporting your journey as you do the same for them.

If you feel uncertain about your relationship, you don’t have to carry that burden alone. Talking with a counsellor can help you see your situation more clearly and give you the confidence to make a decision you won’t regret.