Has a prince ever kissed you? For many, the answer is a quiet no. Life isn't a fairy tale. There are struggles with family, a feeling of not fitting in, a sense that something is missing. When we look at the grand stories of princesses, we see the triumph, the castle, and the handsome prince. But is that the whole story? Do people think that everything in a person's life is fine just because they found a partner? That’s a simplistic view.

The adventures and destinies of these heroines rarely leave anyone indifferent. As children, we knew their names and their stories, and many saw them as idols and role models. It was easy to dream of becoming a princess, living in a luxurious castle with a handsome prince, magical animal companions, and gorgeous dresses.

Today, let's look at these childhood idols through the eyes of a psychologist. Is it wise to idealize them and follow their example? Fighting evil sorceresses, it turns out, is far from the only problem in their lives.

Cinderella: The Perils of Self-Sacrifice

The story of Cinderella is one of the most popular in the world, and her name has become synonymous with a particular pattern of behavior. In her tale, she is the only one who can understand and speak to animals. While this is a magical element, it also highlights a deep sensitivity; Cinderella feels the world and sees things that others do not.

However, her way of thinking contains deeply unhealthy attitudes. From the beginning, we learn that Cinderella is treated as a servant in her own home. Her stepmother constantly demeans her, and her father is utterly passive, failing to protect her when it is most needed. She is taught to serve and please others, forcing her to renounce her own desires and her very self. Tragically, she accepts this role and makes no attempt to fight for her own worth. She seems to believe she is not beautiful or deserving of love, gratitude, or even basic appreciation. She works tirelessly for the benefit of others, expecting nothing in return.

The fairy tale, of course, ends happily. A fairy godmother appears, providing shoes, a carriage, and a crucial dose of self-confidence. But this magical intervention is not a result of Cinderella's own actions. Many people adopt this model in real life, holding onto the mindset that "I must work very hard and try my best to be accepted." This often curdles into resentment when they discover that in the real world, relentless modesty and hard work are not always rewarded with love. They dream of a prince, but more often, this path leads to abusive, codependent, and destructive relationships.

Mulan: Fighting for a Worthiness She Already Had

The story of Mulan, based on the legend of a female warrior, breaks from the typical princess mold. She is brave, independent, and uninterested in fancy dresses or arranged marriages. This image is inspiring, encouraging people to strive for what they truly want, not for ideals imposed by society.

But if we look closer at Mulan’s decision to go to war, it wasn’t born from a desire for self-fulfillment. Instead, it was driven by a deep sense of shame for failing to meet her family’s expectations. Mulan doesn't fit the mold of a traditional Chinese girl of her time. Despite her beauty, she is clumsy, not graceful, and certainly not quiet or modest. She tries with all her might to conform, but her efforts fail, culminating in a disastrous meeting with the matchmaker. Unable to bear the shame anymore, she runs away to take her father's place in the army. Her motivation is quite similar to Cinderella’s: a desperate need to prove that she is worthy of love.

Fortunately, Mulan's true personal traits—her courage and strategic mind—allow her to excel as a warrior and find her proper place in life. The first step toward a happy, independent life is often separation from the expectations of others. It’s a process that allows one to take responsibility for their own life.

Belle: The Rescuer and the Beast

The story of a person saving their beloved through love and self-sacrifice is a common trope, seen in tales like The Snow Queen. But it is perhaps most vividly portrayed in the story of Beauty and the Beast.

At first glance, it might seem that Belle is a victim of Stockholm syndrome—an unconscious defensive reaction where a captive develops sympathy for their aggressor. However, a closer look suggests Belle exhibits traits of the "rescuer syndrome." Even before she meets the Beast, we see her taking responsibility for the problems of her loved ones, trying to save them and shield them from misfortune. She doesn't end up in the castle by accident; she goes there to save her father. After meeting the enchanted prince, she strives to see a spark of goodness in him, to save him from himself.

Perhaps one syndrome is layered upon another, creating a combination that is complicated and dangerous. In the cartoon, we get a happy ending where the cruel monster transforms into a handsome, caring prince. But this is just a fairy tale. In reality, such self-sacrificing desires and a blind faith in one's ability to "heal" a partner with love often lead to tragic consequences. Individuals can find themselves in long-term codependent relationships, frequently becoming victims of domestic abuse.

Ariel: Rebellion at Any Cost

The animated story of the Little Mermaid is quite different from Hans Christian Andersen's original, where the heroine dies without her prince. The original ending feels, in many ways, more realistic.

Ariel is willing to go to extreme lengths for her prince, but unlike other princesses, her actions are not driven by low self-esteem. On the contrary, Ariel is the youngest and most beloved daughter of King Triton, who does everything to protect her. He does so, however, with authoritarian methods and strict prohibitions. Considering Ariel is at the peak of a teenage crisis, his approach is bound to fail.

In Ariel’s behavior, we see all the signs of teenage maximalism. She craves adventure, runs away from family duties, and collects human objects, which her father considers dangerous contraband. Her risk-taking escalates until she falls in love with a human prince at first sight. Her agitated father isn't ready to accept his daughter's maturation and tries to control her with more threats and prohibitions. But Ariel, as a teenager pushing for freedom, can no longer tolerate such suffocating care. In her reckless pursuit of her dream, she makes a deal with the sea witch Ursula, trading her voice for legs—a decision with terrible consequences for herself and her entire kingdom.

Like all the tales we love, Ariel's story ends happily. The girls, who were hostages to complicated family dynamics, their own fears, and deep-seated complexes, overcome all difficulties and live happily ever after. Unfortunately, this often has little to do with real life, where the consequences of childhood trauma and unhealthy learned behaviors can seriously affect a person's entire destiny. The first step toward a truly happy life is often looking inward and taking responsibility for one’s own path, independent of the expectations of others.

References

• Bettelheim, Bruno. The Uses of Enchantment: The Meaning and Importance of Fairy Tales. Vintage, 1977.
  This foundational work of child psychology explores how fairy tales help children navigate psychological struggles. Bettelheim argues that stories like "Cinderella" are not just fantasies but are crucial for processing complex emotions like sibling rivalry, feelings of inadequacy, and the transition to maturity. His psychoanalytic lens provides a framework for understanding why these characters resonate so deeply and what underlying psychological dramas they represent.
• Beattie, Melody. Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself. Hazelden Publishing, 1986.
  This book offers clear insight into the patterns of codependency, which are highly relevant to the analyses of both Cinderella and Belle. Beattie defines a codependent person as someone who has let another person’s behavior affect them and is obsessed with controlling that person’s behavior. The descriptions of the "caretaker" or "rescuer" role directly mirror Belle's impulse to "fix" the Beast, while the discussion of low self-worth and deriving identity from serving others aligns with Cinderella's situation.
• Graham, Dee L.R. with Edna I. Rawlings and Roberta K. Rigsby. Loving to Survive: Sexual Terror, Men's Violence, and Women's Lives. New York University Press, 1994.
  This academic text provides a thorough examination of how Stockholm syndrome applies to interpersonal relationships, particularly those involving domestic abuse. The author expands the concept beyond classic hostage situations to explain the powerful psychological attachments that can form under conditions of trauma and control. This perspective offers a deeper, more critical lens for questioning the dynamic between Belle and the Beast, reframing their "romance" as a potential trauma bond born from captivity and fear.