Toxic positivity is a psychological phenomenon where people attempt to suppress, devalue, or block “negative” emotions—both their own and those of others—by pushing for a forced, overly optimistic outlook. It's the compulsion to maintain a positive outlook, even when it's unhelpful or inappropriate. This often happens when someone is in pain, feeling distressed, or dealing with difficult emotions. The underlying belief is that maintaining a positive attitude, no matter the situation, is the key to emotional health. However, this perspective can do more harm than good.

For example, consider someone who has just lost a close relative. They are understandably overwhelmed by grief, walking around with a heavy heart, unable to shake off the sadness. In this vulnerable state, a well-meaning friend might offer words like, “Don’t be sad, everything will be fine! Life goes on, let’s go out and have some fun.” While the intention is to offer comfort, this type of response can actually increase isolation and frustration, making the grieving person feel their pain is invalid.

Why Does Toxic Positivity Happen?

Toxic positivity stems from various motivations. Sometimes, people simply don't know how to help and resort to clichés in an attempt to provide comfort. Sometimes, it stems from their own discomfort with negative emotions; unable to tolerate seeing others in pain, they force a positive perspective, hoping to ease the tension. At times, toxic positivity is a form of self-protection. Those dissatisfied with their own lives might mask their discomfort by imposing forced positivity on others, pushing them to adopt an unrealistic, cheerful outlook to avoid acknowledging their own emotions.

Types of Toxic Positivity and Examples

The most common type of toxic positivity occurs when someone tries to shut down or ignore another person’s emotions. When visibly upset, you might hear unhelpful phrases like “Don’t cry,” “It’s not a big deal,” or “Just think happy thoughts!” These responses invalidate the person's pain. Another type of toxic positivity happens when people try to minimize someone’s problem, often invalidating their experience. For instance, if someone shares that their pet has died and they are devastated, a response like, “It’s just a pet, you shouldn’t be so upset,” further isolates the person. Their grief is invalidated, and they are pressured to deny their sorrow. Toxic positivity also appears in cases where someone may be going through a difficult emotional experience, and instead of offering support, others encourage them to look on the bright side. Phrases like “Look on the bright side” or “You’ll get over it quickly” lack the necessary empathy and understanding.

The Danger of Blocking Negative Emotions

Why can’t we simply block out negative emotions? The problem with suppressing our emotions—whether positive or negative—is that emotions are an integral part of the human experience. Every emotion we feel has a purpose, and when we block or ignore these feelings, we end up bottling up emotional energy that has nowhere to go. Toxic positivity teaches that all negative emotions should be suppressed, which can result in emotional repression. Repressed emotions don’t disappear; instead, they go underground, where they can cause harm in the future. As psychoanalyst Sigmund Freud famously stated, "Unexpressed emotions do not die; they are buried alive and will come back in a much more hideous form." If you suppress feelings of sadness, anger, or grief, these emotions can eventually manifest in unhealthy ways, leading to anxiety, depression, or even physical illness.

The Importance of Experiencing Negative Emotions

Rather than trying to hide or avoid difficult emotions, it’s crucial to allow yourself the space to experience them fully. Emotions like sadness, anger, and grief are natural reactions to life’s challenges, and they play an important role in processing difficult experiences. For example, it’s entirely normal to feel sadness after the loss of a loved one or to feel frustration after a personal failure. Instead of forcing yourself to "snap out of it," it’s important to give yourself permission to feel these emotions and seek support from others. This doesn’t mean wallowing in negativity, but rather acknowledging and working through the emotions in a healthy way. Only when we allow ourselves to fully experience these feelings can we begin to heal and eventually move forward.

The Risks of Habitual Positive Thinking

While there is nothing wrong with fostering a positive outlook, constantly pushing for forced optimism can lead to a disconnection from reality. Those entrenched in toxic positivity may avoid difficult aspects of life, believing every moment should be filled with happiness. This can lead to dismissing their own and others' feelings, potentially resulting in burnout, frustration, and emotional exhaustion. This mindset can cause individuals to lose touch with their true emotions, preventing them from addressing personal issues or seeking help when they need it. It’s essential to strike a balance between maintaining a positive perspective and being honest about the challenges and difficulties we face. Over-sanitizing life with forced positivity prevents emotional growth and healing.

The Path to Healing: Acknowledging and Addressing Negative Emotions

To break free from toxic positivity, it’s important to shift toward emotional authenticity. Allow yourself and others to express a full range of emotions without judgment. Encourage healthy emotional expression, where sadness, grief, and frustration can coexist alongside hope, joy, and gratitude. This balance fosters emotional resilience and allows individuals to move through life’s challenges with integrity. Supporting someone who is grieving, struggling, or going through difficult emotions doesn’t mean forcing them to "cheer up." Instead, it means providing empathy, understanding, and a safe space for them to feel and express their emotions. Saying, “I see that you’re hurting, and I’m here for you” is often more helpful than any well-meaning attempt to "fix" their emotions.

Conclusion: Embrace Emotional Balance

In conclusion, while it’s important to stay positive in the face of challenges, we must also allow ourselves—and others—the space to experience and process negative emotions. Toxic positivity not only harms mental health but also prevents people from fully experiencing life. By fostering emotional awareness and acceptance, we can create a healthier and more supportive environment for ourselves and those around us.