How Do You Stop Regretting Regret?
Regret is a negative conscious and emotional reaction to personal past acts and behaviors. Regret is often expressed by the term "sorry." Regret is often a feeling of sadness, shame, embarrassment, depression, annoyance, or guilt after one acts in a manner and later wishes not to have done so. Regret is distinct from guilt, which is a deeply emotional form of regret — one which may be difficult to comprehend in an objective or conceptual way. In this regard, the concept of regret is subordinate to guilt in terms of its emotional intensity.
Sometimes regret can lead to an apology that helps heal a situation or a reflection on past choices, which birth a lesson not to repeat mistakes, big or small 'I won't eat there again!' to 'I'll be more considerate in the future.'
It's when we hold on to regrets and let them fester in us daily, monthly, yearly, that they begin to foster, guilt, anxiety and depression-skewing the way we perceive and experience our lives.
In looking at letting go of regret, I would like to share the contexts where I feel we frame most of our experiences...
Our past and future are shaped by the present:
Present
The present is right now, it is our existence, we create our past and our future simultaneously through our choices and actions.
If our hearts and minds are hanging on to regrets from the past, we are never really 'fully' living in the present, so our regrets also shape our future.
The past
Our past actions often impact in some shape or form who we are now, but here's the thing...
The thing that you regret has already happened - 'you can't change yesterday's weather'...
You can't undo the impact/effects of the thing 'If you got wet yesterday, you got wet yesterday'...
The thing, the regret, only exists in our minds or the minds of those involved in the experience as a memory and in reality, what we're hanging on to is the memory of our own 'feelings' of the experience, which are subjective...
A bit like having a bad burger and keeping the taste in our mouths the next day and the day after and the day after that...
To try and keep the taste in our mouths, we'd have to not 'clean' them, making them a hotbed for 'bad' things like bacteria... And that's exactly what we're doing to our hearts and minds when we hold onto regret...
The future
Here's where we can use past experiences to learn and navigate...
It rained yesterday, so in case it rains again carry an umbrella - be prepared, equally, you could be prepared for the fact that it may rain, and you could get wet, so be mentally and emotionally ready to deal with the situation should it arise... We can use the things; and situations we regret to make better decisions for tomorrow...
