Jealousy isn’t limited to romantic relationships. It can appear in friendships, too—and it’s just as uncomfortable. Imagine this: your best friend, who’s always been your go-to person, suddenly spends more time with new people. You see a post of them laughing at a bar, and a sharp pang hits you. Why not with me? You’re not being selfish. You’re just human, and jealousy is a natural emotional response when we fear losing someone’s attention or closeness.

Where Does Jealousy Come From?

At its core, jealousy is a mix of emotions—fear, sadness, anger, and love. It surfaces when we sense a threat to our bond with someone important. Psychologically, humans thrive on connection. Close relationships—whether romantic, friendly, or familial—are essential for our emotional stability. So, when those bonds feel shaky, even for a moment, jealousy flares up as a defense mechanism.

This feeling, however, isn’t inherently negative. Jealousy signals that something feels off. It can help us recognize when we need to check in on a relationship—or even on ourselves. But there’s a big difference between jealousy and unhealthy behavior. For instance, when jealousy turns into controlling actions like monitoring someone’s activities or demanding their attention, that’s no longer about the relationship—that’s about control and emotional abuse.

Jealousy of Friends vs. Jealousy in Romantic Relationships

Both types of jealousy stem from a fear of loss, but they feel and function differently. Romantic jealousy is often more intense because cultural norms normalize it. Society tells us that love and jealousy go hand-in-hand. Movies and novels romanticize the idea that jealousy proves love, which can make us hyperaware of our partner’s actions.

Friendship jealousy, on the other hand, can be more subtle. For example, you adore your best friend but haven’t seen them in weeks. Then, you stumble upon a photo of them having fun with new friends. You feel a pang of jealousy—but you’re unlikely to confront them angrily like you might with a partner. The expectations in friendships are often looser, and the boundaries less defined.

Why Do We Get Jealous of Our Friends?

As social beings, humans evolved to function in groups. We crave belonging and attachment because it makes us feel safe and valued. So when a close friend seems to “choose” someone else over us, it can feel like a violation of that bond. It’s not about selfishness—it’s about the natural need to feel like we matter to someone.

Attachment theory helps explain this. Strong attachment bonds—whether formed in childhood or adulthood—are vital for emotional well-being. When those attachments feel threatened, our nervous system reacts with distress. Even if we know it’s irrational, the feelings arise because we are wired to protect our connections.

What to Do When Jealousy Affects Your Friendship

If you’re struggling with jealousy, the first step is understanding whether your feelings reflect reality or your perception of the situation. Here’s how to approach it:

1. Separate Feelings From Facts When jealousy strikes, take a moment to pause and assess the facts. Ask yourself:

• Has your friend truly distanced themselves, or are you interpreting a situation through an emotional lens?

• Are they ignoring you, or are they just busy with other commitments?

If your friend hasn’t changed how they treat you, then the problem may stem from your own vulnerability—perhaps you’re feeling lonely or insecure. In that case, focus on taking care of yourself. Expand your social circle, explore new hobbies, or spend time on activities that bring you joy.

2. Talk About Your Feelings If your jealousy feels overwhelming, consider talking to your friend. Be honest about how you feel, but avoid sounding accusatory. For example, say something like, “I’ve been feeling a little distant from you lately, and I miss spending time together.” This opens the door for connection without making them feel attacked.

Before starting the conversation, ask yourself what you want to achieve. Do you just want to express your feelings, or are you hoping for a change in behavior? Remember, you can’t demand that your friend abandon other relationships or devote all their time to you. Relationships require balance.

3. Accept That Emotions Aren’t Always Logical Feelings can’t be turned off like a switch. Jealousy is a valid emotion, and shaming yourself for it will only make you feel worse. Instead, practice self-compassion. Remind yourself that it’s okay to feel this way. Most people in your position would experience similar emotions.

Psychologist Kristin Neff, who specializes in self-compassion, recommends three simple steps to soothe difficult feelings:

• Name the feeling. Say to yourself, “I feel jealous, and that’s okay.”

• Normalize the experience. Remind yourself, “Anyone in my position might feel this way.”

• Be kind to yourself. Offer supportive words like, “I’m allowed to feel this, and I’ll get through it.”

Is It Normal to Feel Jealous of a Friend’s Partner?

Absolutely. If your friend starts a new romantic relationship and shifts their focus to their partner, jealousy is a completely natural response. After all, someone new has entered a space that was once exclusively yours. This shift can feel threatening, even if you know it’s not intentional.

Romantic relationships often start with an intense “honeymoon phase,” where a person’s attention is heavily focused on their partner. This doesn’t mean your friendship is over. In most cases, the intensity fades after a few months, and the balance returns.

In the meantime, focus on your own life. Jealousy becomes easier to manage when you’re engaged in your own growth and happiness. Spend time with other friends, pick up a new hobby, or invest in self-improvement. By filling your life with things that bring you joy, the sting of jealousy lessens.

Final Thoughts: Jealousy Is a Sign, Not a Sentence

Jealousy, when handled with self-awareness, can be a useful indicator. It points to areas where we crave connection, attention, or validation. The key is not to suppress the feeling but to understand it. Are you feeling neglected? Insecure? Lonely? Addressing these underlying needs can strengthen both your friendships and your relationship with yourself.

At the end of the day, friendships are about trust, communication, and balance. By acknowledging jealousy without judgment and taking steps to care for yourself, you can preserve the bonds that matter most—and grow through the discomfort. After all, emotions are just part of being human, and no feeling lasts forever.