Why We Feel Uncomfortable Discussing Salary with Recruiters

Talking about money has always been tricky. Even when you’re excited about a job opportunity, the moment a recruiter asks about your salary expectations, everything suddenly feels tense. You might stumble on your words, avoid the topic, or undersell yourself. But why is it so hard to discuss salary openly? As it turns out, the reasons are rooted in deep cultural attitudes, generational habits, and psychological barriers that many of us carry subconsciously.

The Roots of Our Discomfort: From Childhood to Corporate Culture

For many of us, our struggles with discussing money stem from the environment we grew up in. Our relationship with money is shaped by family beliefs and societal norms. If your parents or grandparents were raised during the Soviet era, talking about money may have been seen as unnecessary or even shameful. Back then, financial equality was the goal, and personal earnings weren’t something to boast about. People worked for collective ideals rather than individual financial success.

This mindset carried over into workplaces that embraced a “family-like” corporate culture. In such environments, employees are encouraged to put the “team” before themselves. Conversations about salaries, promotions, or overtime pay might feel taboo or selfish. You start to think: "Everyone here works for a greater purpose, and I’m the only one focused on money? Does that make me greedy?"

But it’s important to recognize that these beliefs are not universal truths. Your skills and time have value. Discussing compensation doesn’t make you selfish—it makes you self-aware.

Why Job Descriptions Rarely List Salaries

We’ve all been there: scrolling through job listings only to see vague phrases like “competitive salary” or “salary negotiable.” It’s frustrating, no doubt. But why do employers do this?

The labor market has changed dramatically in recent years. Companies are now more flexible in hiring, especially in uncertain economic times. Rather than fixating on a predetermined salary, employers often prioritize finding the right person for the role. By leaving the salary open-ended, they can evaluate a candidate’s skills, experience, and potential before settling on a number.

This flexibility can work in your favor. When salaries aren’t fixed, you have room to negotiate. Recruiters may surprise you by offering more than you expected if they see unique value in what you bring to the table.

Should You Mention Your Salary Expectations in Your Resume?

This depends on your situation. If your desired salary is higher than the market average, it can be helpful to include it. For example, if you have specialized expertise or exceptional experience, stating your salary range helps filter out opportunities that aren’t a fit.

However, if you’re unsure of your market value or are open to negotiation, it’s better to leave this out. Why? Because you might accidentally undersell yourself. If a company is willing to pay $200,000 for the role but you list $150,000, they’ll rarely offer more than you asked. It’s better to discuss compensation directly with a recruiter after learning more about the role and expectations.

What Is a Salary Range and How to Define Yours?

A salary range (or “fork”) is the minimum-to-maximum amount you’re willing to accept for a position. To calculate this, follow these steps:

  1. Identify your minimum: Add up essential expenses like housing, food, and bills. This is your baseline—the absolute lowest you can accept.

  2. Define your comfort level: This includes hobbies, entertainment, travel, and savings. It’s the income that allows you to live comfortably.

  3. Set an ambitious ceiling: Add 30-40% to your comfort level to define your upper range.

When talking to recruiters, share your range confidently. For instance, you could say, “I’m looking for something between $60,000 and $75,000, depending on the role and responsibilities.” This approach sets clear expectations while leaving room for negotiation.


The Flaws of “Add 15-20% to Your Last Salary” Advice

You’ve probably heard the classic advice: ask for 15-20% more than what you earned at your last job. While this can work as a rough guideline, it’s far from perfect.

Salary growth isn’t always linear. If you’re moving into a new industry, role, or company culture, a percentage-based increase might not reflect your true value. Today, people prioritize meaning, flexibility, and alignment with their personal values as much as money. You’re not just looking for a paycheck—you’re looking for a role that fits your life.

Instead of relying on percentages, evaluate the overall opportunity. Think about the responsibilities, benefits, and long-term growth potential. If a company can’t meet your salary expectations, they might offer other perks like additional vacation time, health insurance, or professional development opportunities.

How to Research Your Market Value

To negotiate confidently, you need to know how much professionals in your field are earning. Here’s how you can do it:

  • Check job boards: Look for postings that list salaries to get a general idea.

  • Talk to your network: Reach out to colleagues, friends, or mentors in similar roles to gather insights.

  • Review industry reports: Many recruitment agencies and industry organizations publish salary surveys that show current trends.

  • Test the waters: Even if you’re not actively job hunting, apply for roles or attend interviews to see what employers are offering.

Knowledge is power. When you understand your market value, you can advocate for yourself with confidence.

What If You’ve Asked for Too Much?

If you sense that your salary expectations might be too high, don’t panic. You have options:

  • Be flexible: If you’re excited about the role, consider whether you can accept slightly less. Weigh other factors like benefits, work-life balance, or career growth.

  • Stand your ground: If you know your worth and are confident in your skills, don’t be afraid to stick to your range. Clearly explain the value you bring and why your compensation aligns with it.

  • Negotiate responsibilities: If the employer can’t meet your number, suggest reducing the scope of the role to match the offered salary.

Remember, negotiation is a conversation—not a confrontation. A recruiter’s job is to find a solution that works for both sides.

Final Thoughts: You Deserve to Be Paid Fairly

Discussing salary can feel uncomfortable, but it’s a necessary step in finding a role that values your skills, time, and experience. By understanding where your discomfort comes from, defining your expectations, and doing your research, you can approach these conversations with confidence.

Money might not be the only reason you work, but knowing your worth and advocating for it is a skill worth mastering.

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