Depression is a challenging experience not only for the person suffering from it but also for their loved ones. When someone you care about is struggling, it’s natural to want to help. But finding the right words and actions can be daunting. Let’s explore how to provide support that uplifts rather than harms.

Understanding Depression

Depression is a serious mental health disorder that can manifest in different ways. It may be endogenous, stemming from biochemical imbalances in the brain, or exogenous, triggered by external events or trauma. Regardless of the cause, depression places a heavy burden on the individual, both emotionally and physically.

Some people with depression find even simple tasks, like getting out of bed or brushing their teeth, nearly impossible. In severe cases, thoughts of suicide can emerge. Then there’s “masked depression,” where the individual outwardly seems fine but inwardly battles profound despair. Often, they’ll attribute their feelings to physical ailments, which can delay proper diagnosis and treatment.

Medical professionals identify three main indicators of depression:

• Persistent low mood for at least two weeks: The person feels no joy or pleasure, regardless of circumstances.

• Significant weight changes: Gaining or losing around 10 kilograms in just a couple of weeks.

• Recurring suicidal thoughts: Questions like, “Why am I living?” or “What’s the point?” dominate their mind.

Recognizing Depression in a Loved One

Depression doesn’t always announce itself loudly. Sometimes, it’s subtle, but there are signs to watch for:

• Withdrawal from social interactions: Extroverts may stop attending social events, while introverts might retreat even further into isolation, pulling away from close friends or family.

• Physical changes: Just like physical illnesses, depression can make someone look visibly unwell. They might appear pale, sluggish, or lethargic.

• Neglect of appearance: Someone who always took pride in their looks might suddenly stop grooming themselves or wearing clean clothes. Even small changes in routines, like skipping makeup or wearing the same outfit repeatedly, can be telltale signs.

• Unusual behavior around possessions: Giving away cherished items can sometimes indicate the presence of suicidal thoughts or plans.

Encouraging Someone to Seek Help

Approaching a loved one about their mental health is delicate. People can be defensive or dismissive when asked to see a psychologist or psychiatrist, as it might feel invasive or controlling. Instead of giving unsolicited advice, try using “I” statements to express your observations and concerns gently.

For example:

• “I’ve noticed you’ve been feeling down lately, and I’m worried about you.”

• “It seems like things that used to make you happy don’t anymore. Can we talk about it?”

Once they open up, you can suggest professional help, framing it as an option rather than a demand. Say something like, “Talking to a psychologist might give you some tools to feel better. I’ll support you every step of the way.”

If they’re hesitant, consider inviting them to take the Beck Depression Inventory test with you. This validated tool can help someone recognize that their struggles might require attention. Position it as something you’ve tried yourself: “I found it insightful when I took it. Maybe it’ll help you understand what you’re going through too.”

Caring for a Loved One with Depression

It’s important to remember that your role isn’t to cure their depression—that’s a job for mental health professionals. Your goal is to create a supportive environment where they can start to heal.

Here’s what to avoid:

• Minimizing their experience: Saying things like, “It’s not that bad” or “Just snap out of it” is dismissive and harmful.

• Making light of their condition: Jokes about depression or constant reminders of their diagnosis can make them feel misunderstood.

• Imposing solutions: Forcing activities or social interactions may feel intrusive and counterproductive. They need space to recover at their own pace.

Instead, focus on being present. Depression doesn’t change who they are at their core—they’re still your loved one. Offer your company, a listening ear, or simple acts of kindness. Small gestures, like making their favorite tea or sitting with them quietly, can make a world of difference.

Final Thoughts

Supporting someone through depression requires patience, empathy, and understanding. While you can’t lift the weight of their struggles, you can walk beside them, offering steady encouragement and love. Remember, depression is a journey, not a sprint, and your unwavering support can be a beacon of hope in their darkest moments.