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How can I move past regrets about a less-than-perfect past and start living fully?

I often feel sadness and regret about my past—about missed opportunities and experiences I didn’t have. I look at people who seem to have had a "normal" upbringing and relationships, and I feel like they don’t carry this same weight. For them, the past just is what it is, but for me, it feels like a shadow I can’t escape.

These feelings affect my present life. They hold me back from seeking new experiences, especially in relationships, and I often waste time stuck in this state of melancholy. Sometimes, I even cope in unhealthy ways, like staying up all night or falling into bad habits.

I want to live as though my past didn’t limit me, as though I had the full life I longed for. I don’t want these feelings to keep destroying my ability to move forward.

How can I let go of this regret and start living in the present, as if everything worked out? Has anyone else faced this kind of struggle and found a way to overcome it?

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Adelie
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13180 Duygu Hunerli
Counselor, Marriage & Family Associate and Psychologist
Duygu Hunerli
Counselor, Marriage & Family Associate and Psychologist
https://mentalzon.s3.amazonaws.com/photo/ebc8fb81-8c8d-4e7d-857a-d04a6a94890d.jpg?1724225436713
Counselor, Marriage & Family Associate and Psychologist

Hi Adelie,

Regret often traps us in "what ifs," but it's vital to focus on what you can control now. Start by identifying how those regrets influence your thoughts and actions today. Practice reframing: view your past as a learning experience, not a limitation. Set small, present-focused goals aligned with the life you want. Challenge avoidance behaviors—try one new experience weekly, and self-compassion is key ofc. Remember, everyone’s path is unique, and you are not alone in this journey. Be kind to yourself; the best time to rebuild your life is now.

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