Lust, Law, and the Lord: The Secret Sex Lives of the Middle Ages

When we think of ancient Rome, our minds often conjure images of unbridled lust and debauchery. In stark contrast, medieval Europe is popularly imagined as a chaste, ascetic world where sexuality was fiercely repressed. This same era, however, is also painted as a time of breathtaking cruelty, violence, and horrors like the infamous droit du seigneur, or the "right of the first night." But where does the truth lie? Was the medieval period truly an age of barbarism and obscurantism? How did the church, the community, and the powers that be truly shape the intimate lives of men and women?

The life of a medieval person was woven into a tight fabric of authority, constantly under the watch of secular rulers, the church, and the local community. The concept of privacy as we know it was virtually non-existent. Since the church was the primary arbiter of morality, it naturally fell to its clergy to untangle the complexities of sexual life. And we must understand, religion was not a mere set of rules to be acknowledged on Sundays; it was the very foundation of a person's identity. It was the lens through which the world was viewed, a powerful force intertwined with local traditions and folklore. The church wasn't just a building; it was the center of social life—a place for news, for dispute resolution, and for guidance. The priest, often one of the few literate individuals in a village, held immense authority, and his words carried great weight.

The Church's Gaze

In the eyes of the church, love and sex were often seen as separate, almost mutually exclusive, forces. Sex for the sake of pleasure was considered a sin. Its sole legitimate purpose was procreation, the very reason for marriage itself. Consequently, even between a husband and wife, frequent intimacy was discouraged. The church’s desire for control extended into the most private of moments, famously regulating which positions were permissible. In essence, only one was deemed acceptable: the missionary position. The reasoning was twofold: it was believed to offer the least amount of pleasure, and it symbolically reinforced the man’s authority over the woman.

Abstinence was a constant theme. Sex was forbidden on holy days like Sunday, and long periods of fasting from intimacy were required, most notably during Lent. While any form of contraception was condemned, the sheer volume of clerical writings against it suggests such practices were common. Likewise, homemade abortions were a desperate and widespread reality.

Female sexuality was suppressed with even greater fervor. Women were often portrayed through the lens of Eve—as temptresses eager to lead men into sin. This gave rise to a powerful cult of virginity and purity, where any sexual activity outside of marriage was met with harsh condemnation. Yet, a peculiar contradiction emerges here. In many parts of Europe, the average age of first marriage was surprisingly high, often between 23 and 25. Women were expected to bear as many children as possible to sustain the community, a demand that stood in direct conflict with the condemnation of frequent sexual relations. Compounding this, the issue of domestic violence was acute, as women had little to no protection from the church or secular authorities against abuse within the family.

Power, Peasants, and a Pernicious Myth

The countless church documents condemning various sexual acts tell a story in themselves: if the rules were so detailed and severe, it’s because people were constantly breaking them. It seems likely that most people had sex when they desired, without consulting a priest on the proper method.

Beyond the church, feudal lords had their own interests. The wealth of a lord depended directly on the number of people living on his land. More people meant more taxes, and more men for his militia to fight a neighboring count. Therefore, lords were intensely interested in procreation and sought to control it through law, ensuring rights over the children and wives on their lands. They were not particularly concerned with the morality of their peasants' sexual lives, so long as they were fruitful and multiplied.

This brings us to one of the most enduring myths of the Middle Ages: the droit du seigneur. This supposed right, allowing a feudal lord to sleep with his vassal’s bride on her wedding night, never actually existed as a formal law. While lords certainly held immense power and could, without a doubt, force women into sexual relations, this was an abuse of power, not an established right. The myth itself was largely an invention of Enlightenment thinkers in the 18th century, crafted to portray the medieval past as barbaric in order to highlight the progress of their own time.

A Necessary Evil: The Reality of Urban Life

Despite the church’s strict doctrines, one of the most common institutions in any medieval city was the brothel. They were everywhere. Prostitution was viewed as a “necessary evil,” a regrettable but essential outlet to prevent men from turning their lustful attentions toward “honest” women. The great church father, St. Augustine, wrote that if you abolish prostitution, "you will have polluted all things with lust." The church, therefore, had to tolerate this open defiance of its sexual ideals. By the late Middle Ages, cities even passed detailed laws to regulate brothels, though the women working within them remained in a precarious position, often exploited for food and shelter.

A grim consequence of this landscape was the spread of sexually transmitted diseases. With no effective treatments, these illnesses were a devastating scourge. When syphilis arrived in Europe from the Americas, it ignited a horrific epidemic, its rapid spread testifying to the true extent of sexual activity across the continent, both inside and outside of marriage. Disease was often seen as divine punishment. One 14th-century account tells of a young Frenchman who, after visiting a brothel, contracted an illness that covered him in sores. Terrified, he surrendered himself to the Inquisition, took a vow of celibacy, and became a priest. His story was likely not unique.

In the end, medieval attitudes toward sex were a tapestry of strange and profound contradictions. While the church condemned and sought to control it, brothels were permitted, and epidemics born from sexual contact swept the land. We must remember that our knowledge is filtered primarily through the prescriptive texts of the church. It is entirely possible that these strict controls were simply an attempt to regulate a private life that, beyond the church walls, was lived with far less shame and fear than we have been led to believe.

References

• Boureau, Alain. The Lord's First Night: The Myth of the Droit de Cuissage. Translated by Lydia G. Cochrane, University of Chicago Press, 1998.

  This book is the definitive academic work that deconstructs the myth of the droit du seigneur. Boureau meticulously traces the origin of the story, demonstrating that it did not exist as a legal right in the Middle Ages but was instead a powerful piece of propaganda created centuries later during the Enlightenment to discredit the old regime. This directly supports the article's assertion that the "right of the first night" is a historical fabrication.

• Brundage, James A. Law, Sex, and Christian Society in Medieval Europe. University of Chicago Press, 1987.

  This is a comprehensive and scholarly examination of how the medieval church developed its laws and theology concerning sexuality. Brundage explores the church's views on marriage, celibacy, prostitution, contraception, and homosexuality, drawing from a vast array of legal and religious texts. It confirms the article's points about the church's attempt to regulate all aspects of sexual life, the condemnation of sex for pleasure, and the toleration of prostitution as a "necessary evil" (see Chapter 11, especially pp. 531-534, for discussion on prostitution).

• Hanawalt, Barbara A. The Ties That Bound: Peasant Families in Medieval England. Oxford University Press, 1986.

  Hanawalt uses court records, coroners' rolls, and other legal documents to reconstruct the daily lives of medieval English peasants. Her work provides a view from the ground up, rather than from the perspective of theologians. It corroborates the article's points about the importance of the community in regulating behavior, the economic function of marriage and procreation, and the realities of family life, including violence and the challenges of finding privacy. The book shows the gap between the ideals of the church and the lived experiences of ordinary people.