To Divorce or Not to Divorce: The Role of a Family Counselor
As a family counselor, I often work with couples who are facing a crisis in their relationship. They may have different reasons for seeking help, such as communication problems, infidelity, conflicts, loss of intimacy, or simply growing apart. My role is not to tell them what to do or whether they should stay together or divorce, but to help them explore their feelings, needs, and expectations, and to facilitate a constructive dialogue between them.
One of the most common questions that couples ask me is: “should we get a divorce or not?” This is a very difficult and personal decision that only they can make. I do not give them a direct answer, but I help them to reflect on their situation and to consider the pros and cons of each option. I also help them to understand the impact of their decision on themselves, their children, their families, and their future.
Sometimes, couples come to me with a clear intention to save their marriage. They are willing to work on their issues and to make changes to improve their relationship. They may discover new ways of relating to each other, of expressing their emotions, of resolving their conflicts, and of enhancing their intimacy. They may also find out what they have in common and what they value in their relationship, and how they can preserve or transform it.
Other times, couples come to me with doubts or ambivalence about their marriage. They are not sure whether they still love each other, whether they are compatible, whether they have a future together, or whether they are better off apart. They may have tried to fix their problems before, but they did not succeed or they felt worse. They may also have different views or goals for their relationship, or different levels of commitment or involvement. In these cases, I help them to clarify their feelings and thoughts, to evaluate their options, and to make a conscious and informed choice.
In some rare cases, couples come to me with a clear intention to end their marriage. They have already made up their minds and they are ready to move on. They may have irreconcilable differences, or they may have fallen out of love, or they may have found someone else. They may also have experienced abuse, violence, or betrayal that damaged their trust and respect. In these cases, I help them to cope with their emotions, to communicate effectively, to negotiate their separation, and to plan for their future.
Whatever the outcome of the therapy, I respect the decision of the couple and I support them in their process. I do not judge them or impose my values or beliefs on them. I acknowledge that every relationship is unique and complex, and that every couple has their own story and journey. I also recognize that divorce is not always a failure, and that staying together is not always a success. Sometimes, divorce can be a positive and healthy choice, and sometimes, staying together can be a negative and harmful one. The most important thing is that the couple is happy and fulfilled, whether together or apart.