The Psychology of Posting Everything: Dopamine Traps and Emotional Triangles
Have you ever found yourself scrolling through a feed and wondering why some people—especially women—feel an irresistible urge to broadcast every distinct detail of their lives online? From the nuances of their outfit to the specifics of their lunch, the location of their children, or every family outing, it can feel like life is being turned into a constant, never-ending show. Let us dive deeper into what this behavior really signifies. This is not merely about following trends; it touches upon our deepest inner needs and how modern society reshapes our psychology. By understanding the mechanics behind this, we might find a way to balance our digital presence with our reality.
The Neurotic Need for Validation
Sometimes, the compulsion to post everything stems from a profound emotional deficit. Imagine a state of mind where you feel truly alive only when others notice you. Through the mechanism of likes, comments, and shares, we receive immediate external feedback that affirms, "Yes, you exist, and you are worthy." This behavior is often tied to narcissism, but not necessarily in the way we think. It is not always about arrogance; it is often about a craving for admiration to fill a void. We want people to gasp in awe, to tell us we are doing better than others, boosting that fragile part of us that seeks constant approval to survive.
This behavior is also inextricably linked to low self-esteem. Deep down, our personal achievements may feel small or insignificant unless a crowd validates them. Consequently, we keep sharing to prove our worth, fighting off that hollow, empty feeling that arises when no one is watching. Without that social echo, anxiety creeps in, and we worry about being overlooked or becoming irrelevant. It is a vicious cycle that can make us feel like we are nothing without an audience.
The Pull of Social Trends and Conformity
However, not all of this behavior is purely pathological. There is a more everyday side driven by social contagion and popularity. Think of it as a form of public openness that is currently in vogue. Everyone is doing it—snapping selfies, posting status updates, and curating stories. It starts as a simple desire to "fit in," but over time, it can mutate into something compulsive. We follow the crowd because "that is what people do," yet this quietly builds habits that are incredibly difficult to shake.
This trend encourages us to bare it all, from our mundane daily routines to the private corners of our lives. While it might seem harmless at first glance, it shapes behaviors that pull us away from the moment. We begin to process our lives through a lens, thinking about how an event will look to others rather than how it feels to us, distancing us from genuine, uncurated connections.
The Dopamine Trap
One massive physiological factor is the chemical rush we receive from notifications. Each like or positive comment triggers a hit of dopamine, the brain's "feel-good" neurotransmitter. It is quick, easy, and accessible, much like grabbing a sugary snack for a burst of energy. We get hooked on that light buzz, and soon, real life feels dull without it. Days without posting or receiving that digital feedback start to seem gray and empty. This addiction sneaks up on us, making us emotionally reliant on social media for our daily highs, leaving us craving the next hit of validation.
Emotional Triangles: Using the Internet as a Buffer
Have you ever heard of an emotional triangle? In psychology, this occurs when two people in conflict bring in a third party to diffuse the tension or handle the decision-making, rather than dealing with it directly. For example, in a family disagreement, a woman might turn to her mother, her friends, her children—or in the modern age, social media—for backup.
Posting about personal issues or vague-booking online draws in opinions that side with us, making us feel stronger and "right." We share our side of the story, gather agreement from followers, and use that consensus to confirm we are the "good" one. Social networks become that third element, pulling focus away from private resolution. It creates alliances, but often at the high cost of real intimacy. We end up venting to a crowd rather than communicating with our partner.
Living Like It Is a Performance
Many people act as if life is a stage, performing for an invisible audience. When the viewers are present—via the lens of social media—everything shines: the perfect family moments, the gourmet meals, the happy outings. But without that spotlight, the motivation often fades. Why bother putting in the effort if no one is watching? This dangerous mindset shifts our energy outward, away from the home.
The real audience should be our loved ones, but instead, we play to the crowd. I have noticed that couples who keep things private tend to have longer, healthier relationships. Their energy stays inside the relationship, building strength rather than scattering it to the winds of the internet. Publicizing everything can drain that inner bond, turning family life into a show that only matters when there is applause. When the "audience" disappears—like losing phone access—anxiety hits, and the everyday loses its spark.
In the end, we must ask: Is this holding families together, or is it just an illusion of closeness? True connections thrive in the quiet moments, not under the stage lights. Reflect on your own habits: Does sharing enhance your life, or does it steal from what is real? Finding that balance is the only way to bring true peace.
References
- Twenge, J. M., & Campbell, W. K. (2009). The Narcissism Epidemic: Living in the Age of Entitlement. Free Press.
This book examines how narcissism has risen in society, including through social media's role in seeking validation and admiration, with details on self-esteem issues in chapters 4 and 5 (pages 87-132). - Alter, A. (2017). Irresistible: The Rise of Addictive Technology and the Business of Keeping Us Hooked. Penguin Press.
It explains how apps create dopamine-driven habits, leading to compulsive behaviors like constant posting, covered in chapter 3 (pages 45-68). - Kerr, M. E., & Bowen, M. (1988). Family Evaluation: An Approach Based on Bowen Theory. W. W. Norton & Company.
The work describes emotional triangles in relationships, showing how third parties like social networks disrupt direct communication, discussed in chapter 7 (pages 134-160).