Many of us have heard it—or whispered it ourselves in a moment of quiet despair. After a painful breakup or a finalized divorce, someone might confess, "I feel absolutely nothing toward them anymore. It’s just empty." Or, in the wake of losing someone deeply loved, they might whisper, "I know I should feel more, but inside, it is just a void."

These words surface often when life delivers a heavy blow. At first glance, it sounds like nothing is there at all—as if the internal landscape has been wiped clean. However, psychology and somatic experience teach us a profound truth: emptiness is never truly empty.

How the "Nothing" Feels Like Something

If you gently ask someone to describe this emptiness, something fascinating and almost magical happens. The "void" stops being abstract. It always possesses texture, shape, weight, and even color.

One person might visualize it as a thick, suffocating fog or drifting gray clouds that obscure their vision. Another feels it viscerally as a cold, damp basement—dark, with rough brick walls you can almost graze with your fingertips. Someone else might sense it as a heavy, inert gas pressing in on their lungs, making it hard to breathe. No two descriptions are exactly alike, yet they all paint a vivid, tactile picture. The air might feel chilly and moist. The darkness deep and impenetrable. The walls rough or remarkably smooth. Suddenly, the "nothing" is full of specific details.

Tracing It Back to the Source

As you explore these sensory details—asking what the space feels like, how far it stretches, or what the surfaces are made of—a clearer image begins to form. Once the sensation is defined, we can ask a simple but revealing question: When did this specific feeling first show up?

Often, the sensation points not to the recent breakup, but to an earlier, younger moment. It might recall a time of deep loneliness as a child, or the sinking feeling of being left behind when others went on a special trip you couldn't afford. That same heavy, hollow sensation returns, linking the present moment directly to the past.

The Real Emotions Hiding Beneath

What sits behind this emptiness is almost always something intense, chaotic, and painful: hurt, resentment, bitterness, disappointment, fear, loneliness, longing, sadness—and sometimes even jealousy. These are the feelings that are too sharp, too jagged to face all at once.

Psychologically, that hollow sensation acts like a soft cushion or a numbing agent, a natural buffer the mind creates to protect us. Without it, the raw pain might overwhelm us completely, threatening our ability to function or keep going. In its own way, this numbness is a wise, caring response from our psyche—a built-in shield that helps us survive until we are strong enough or safe enough to feel more.

Is Emptiness Actually a Feeling?

It is difficult to categorize emptiness as a "pure" emotion. It is more accurately described as a state of being or a bodily experience. Some feel it as a physical pressure squeezing the chest. Others experience it as a strange expansion, like everything inside has spread too thin and lost its substance. It combines physical sensations, suppressed memories, and avoided pain into one complex mix.

Notably, this state almost always ties to sadness, grief, or low periods; it is rarely connected to joy or lightness. It is the physical manifestation of emotional suppression.

A Gentle Invitation to Look Closer

Take a quiet moment to look inward. When have you felt this specific kind of emptiness? What was happening in your life during those times? Noticing these patterns can open a door to understanding what is really asking to be felt. By acknowledging the shield, we can eventually let the cushion soften so the deeper emotions can surface safely.

References

• Webb, Jonice. (2012). Running on Empty: Overcome Your Childhood Emotional Neglect. New York: Morgan James Publishing.
  The author describes how unmet emotional needs early in life can create a lasting inner void or emptiness in adulthood, functioning as a defense that covers over deeper hurt and loneliness.
• Litz, Brett T., Orsillo, Susan M., Kaloupek, Danny, & Weathers, Frank. (2000). Emotional numbing in posttraumatic stress disorder. In B. T. Litz (Ed.), Current research on emotional numbing in PTSD.
  This work highlights emotional numbing as a common protective mechanism that reduces the intensity of painful feelings after trauma, while noting its role in blocking full emotional experience.