Life sometimes feels like an old, familiar record that suddenly switches to a completely new melody. You have been grinding for years—tirelessly working on yourself, setting necessary boundaries, and learning hard lessons from past mistakes—and then, one day, you wake up sensing that something has shifted. The job you have dreamed of comes effortlessly. Relationships become calm, deep, and devoid of drama. The inner peace you have been missing appears out of nowhere. But instead of feeling pure joy, anxiety creeps in: "What if this doesn't last? Where is the catch?"

The Upper Limit Problem

This reaction isn't just paranoia; it is a documented psychological mechanism that makes us unconsciously push away the good when it finally arrives. Psychologist Gay Hendricks, in his influential book The Big Leap, identified this as the Upper Limit Problem. We all possess an internal "thermostat" for happiness, success, and love, which is set to a specific, familiar level. When life rises above that limit—bringing us more joy or abundance than we are used to—the brain perceives this new altitude as a threat. Familiar chaos feels safer simply because we are used to it. Consequently, we start sabotaging: picking fights with a partner for no logical reason, procrastinating on crucial tasks, or simply waiting in dread for everything to "fall apart" to restore the old equilibrium.

The Role of Imposter Syndrome

Why does this happen? One key driver is Imposter Syndrome. The term was coined by psychologists Pauline Clance and Suzanne Imes in the 1970s while studying successful women who could not internalize their own achievements. They attributed their success to luck, connections, or the oversight of others—never their own competence. Modern research indicates that Imposter Syndrome is not limited to women; it is common among men and often even stronger in minorities or individuals with historically low self-esteem. When good things finally arrive, we feel like "frauds" who do not actually deserve them. Instead of accepting the reward, we look for proof that we are "not worthy," effectively engaging in a confirmation bias against our own happiness.

Cognitive Dissonance and Familiar Chaos

Another psychological force at play is cognitive dissonance. This represents the mental tension that occurs when our current reality clashes with our deeply held beliefs about ourselves. If you have spent your life struggling, surviving stress, and battling adversity, sudden calm and ease cause profound discomfort. The brain attempts to return everything to "normal" because the new reality conflicts with your identity as a "struggler." Psychologist Leon Festinger, who introduced this term in the 1950s, demonstrated that people will actively change their beliefs or behaviors to eliminate this tension—often leaning toward self-sabotage to align their reality back with their internal self-image: "I can't just be happy like this—something must be wrong."

The Psychology of Deservingness

There is also the deep-seated feeling of undeservingness. Psychological studies, such as those conducted by Norman Feather regarding the psychology of entitlement and deservingness, show that we judge "what is deserved" based on a sense of balance: good deeds should lead to good outcomes, and bad to bad. However, if childhood or past experiences taught us that good things "aren't for us"—perhaps through parental criticism, repeated failures, or trauma—success feels inherently unfair or volatile. We may unconsciously punish ourselves to restore "justice," pushing away the good to align with a negative self-view. This explains why people with low self-esteem often feel worthy only of the bad.

How to Embrace the Good

Interestingly, this is not just abstract theory. Research by Robert Emmons and Michael McCullough (2003) demonstrated that people who consciously focus on gratitude experience significantly more happiness and less stress. However, for those accustomed to struggle, even gratitude is difficult—because accepting good means admitting you are worthy of it. So, what do you do when life suddenly gets easier?

1. Notice the moment. Ask yourself specifically: "Am I looking for a catch right now solely because I am afraid to believe in the good?" Awareness is the first step in breaking the pattern.
2. Allow yourself to receive it. You do not have to believe everything is perfect forever immediately. It is enough to simply acknowledge: "I have worked on myself for years—and this peace is the result."
3. Practice small steps. Engage in concrete actions to rewire your tolerance for happiness: keep a journal of actual achievements to provide evidence against imposter feelings; breathe deeply when anxiety hits to calm the nervous system; or repeat Hendricks' simple mantra: "I expand in abundance, success, and love every day."

Life does not promise eternal ease—challenges will inevitably return. But when you learn to hold the good without pushing it away, it stops feeling "suspicious." You simply become the version of yourself who is ready to keep it. And then, that new melody on the record will play for a long, long time.

References

• Clance, P. R., & Imes, S. A. (1978). The imposter phenomenon in high achieving women: Dynamics and therapeutic intervention. Psychotherapy: Theory, Research & Practice.
• Emmons, R. A., & McCullough, M. E. (2003). Counting blessings versus burdens: An experimental investigation of gratitude and subjective well-being in daily life. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.
• Feather, N. T. (1999). Values, deservingness, and attitudes toward high achievers: Research on tall poppies.
• Festinger, L. (1957). A Theory of Cognitive Dissonance. Stanford University Press.
• Hendricks, G. (2009). The Big Leap: Conquer Your Hidden Fear and Take Life to the Next Level. HarperOne.