Many men harbor a deep dream of finding a good, loyal girl to build a strong family with, yet for some persistent reason, they remain single year after year. Recently, a taxi driver opened up to me, confessing that he was exhausted from the loneliness and desperately wanted to meet a decent woman. I asked him a simple question: "Are you doing anything to make that happen?" He replied, "No." Then, with a sigh, he added: "It's probably just my fate."

But what does "fate" have to do with inaction? If you are not creating any specific opportunities for a meeting, no one is going to simply deliver a good woman to your doorstep. You are not fighting fate; you are simply afraid. You are afraid to approach, afraid to try, and, most of all, terrified to risk rejection. Because deep down you know: there will be a lot of rejections. To find that one normal, compatible girl, you will likely have to hear a firm "no" from dozens or even hundreds of others first.

Fear of Rejection – The First Major Obstacle

I have been rejected harshly myself, and I know the sting well. Some girls looked at me with such undisguised contempt, as if I had proposed something truly indecent or criminal. Others lied to my face, claiming, "I'm married," even though there was clearly no ring on their finger. Or worse, they just ignored me completely, looking through me as if I were invisible. It hurts your self-esteem badly. It is especially painful when you approach sincerely, with an open heart, and get coldness, arrogance, or even mockery in return.

I fully understand those men who, after a few traumatic experiences like that, stop trying altogether. They retreat into their shells, either staying home permanently or mustering the courage only once a year—only to get hit again and retreat further. At 19, I was incredibly sensitive myself. I looked good, I worked out, I was fit, but in the park, one after another turned me down. I finally went on a date with one girl, and everything seemed great. But a couple of days later, she sent the message: "Sorry, I have a boyfriend." I came home and just cried. I couldn't understand what I was doing wrong.

Now, with experience, I know the psychological reality: for many girls with deep insecurities, rejecting a guy is a fleeting moment of power. They feel like queens for a second, and you are cast as the beggar. The worse her own self-esteem is, the harsher and more aggressive her rejection will be. Truly decent, self-assured girls, on the other hand, worry about how to say "no" politely without hurting your feelings.

Dating is undeniably painful for a serious man. But a good girl will not come to you on her own. You could be a wonderful potential husband and an amazing father, but if you are not on the list of guys who actually approached her, you simply do not exist as an option. She might end up choosing someone objectively worse than you, simply because he was more active and took the chance.

Wrong Choices – You're Pushing Good Ones Away Yourself

Many men complain: "I can't find a normal one." But when I look at who they are "liking" on dating apps—girls in revealing clothes, posing provocatively, emphasizing only their looks—I have to ask: what do you expect? You get exactly what you "order."

From age 20 to 24, I was hyper-active in dating—thousands of messages sent, hundreds of dates attended. But I didn't meet a single good girl. Why? Because psychologically, I wasn't looking for one. I only "liked" those who reacted to my appearance, and those with whom I could get quick, superficial results.

The worst trap is choosing the "eights." These aren't the top supermodels, but they aren't simple, family-oriented homemakers either. It is a compromise that results in mediocrity: not hot enough to be a trophy, but possessing an inflated self-esteem that makes a relationship a nightmare. It is far better to either aim for the truly family-oriented women or honestly admit to yourself that you only want bright, short-term experiences.

You must realize that after years in a relationship, looks stop impressing you. The dopamine fades. What matters in the long run is whether she can shut up during an argument to preserve peace, or if she escalates conflict. Another fatal mistake men make is thinking: "Until I find a good one, I can just be with others for fun." With that approach, you will never meet a good one. You attract what matches your current lifestyle.

Abstinence as the Key to Change

From my own experience and that of my friends, I have found a pattern: good girls are usually only met by those who practice abstinence. I had short periods of this before, but when I got serious about it—consciously removing the lustful fog from my life—I met my wife just a few months later.

Abstinence shifts your psychological priorities: your focus moves from judging mere looks to evaluating inner qualities. Without this reset, searching for serious relationships is often pointless. It acts like litmus paper: it shows if you are truly ready for a connection of souls, not just bodies. If you were absolutely sure you would never meet a good woman, would you still continue abstinence? If the answer is no, then your abstinence is just a manipulative act, a bargain you're trying to make with the universe, rather than true growth.

When You're Truly Ready

Sometimes a man puts in immense effort but gets zero results. Another finds a wife quickly. It is not random luck. If you are not ready inside, meeting a good girl right now would actually be a tragedy for both of you.

Motivation is the deciding factor. If you are looking because "it's sad to be alone," or because you want someone to act as an antidepressant and cheer you up—you are not ready. You are looking for a crutch, not a partner. You may not have seen an anteater in real life, but that doesn't mean it doesn't exist; the same applies to decent women. They exist, even if you haven't seen them yet.

I met my wife on my very first day on a dating site during a specific period of my life. She actually wrote to me first. Three days later, she was at my place. Many say: "You got lucky." But they don't see that before that moment, there was a year of tough trials, solitude, and internal work that changed me. Only then was I ready to recognize her value. After the pain of bad relationships, a man often chooses correctly for the first time—he finally wants warmth and stability, not just burning passion.

Don't Ignore Opportunities and Don't Rush

There was a telling case with a friend of mine. We were in church, and a sweet girl stood right in front of him—modest, radiant, no phone in her hand, truly present. She was the perfect option. But he didn't approach. He was too shy, too paralyzed by social anxiety. Approaching the potential mother of your children should not be shameful; it is necessary, like escaping a burning house. You must act with urgency when you see a chance for salvation.

A man has a limited emotional reserve and a limited number of attempts. After several disappointments, the psyche activates a defense mechanism that says: "Good ones don't exist." To avoid this burnout, with a new girl, don't get too excited right away. Stay calm and observant for the first few months until you are sure of her character.

You're Undervaluing Yourself

Many men do not seek serious relationships because they suffer from a form of imposter syndrome: "I have nothing to offer." They think because they have no big salary, no spacious apartment, and no luxury car, they are unworthy.

But the truth is, a good girl is low-maintenance because she values the person, not the assets. She adapts to what is available. A bad girl demands what isn't there. History proves this: Chekhov got engaged while terminally ill; Dostoevsky married while buried in debt; Gorky met his wife while he was almost homeless. And yet, they found happiness. What can you actually give? Daily food? Yes. Protection? Yes. Emotional support? Yes. Love to future kids? Yes. The latest iPhone is not a prerequisite for love.

"Get on your feet first, then family"—this is a modern trap. You earn 100k, you suddenly need 200k. You buy an apartment, but realize it's in the "wrong" neighborhood. This rat race continues until retirement. 100% readiness does not exist. You become ready by starting. Some say: "I won't touch good ones until I'm ready, so I don't ruin her." But with bad ones, they think it's okay. That is just a convenient excuse not to change your life or take responsibility.

You're Already Near the Finish Line

A man who consciously seeks a good girl for a family and actively works on his character is a rare gem. You are one in thousands. Most men are living unconsciously from hookup to hookup. You already possess knowledge that others don't. You are special. The very fact that you are thinking about this, reading this, and seeking answers is already a victory. You are closer to the goal than you think. Just keep going—and you will find her.