There’s an old saying often attributed to the playwright Bernard Shaw: “You don’t see a person’s true character when everything is going well, nor when everything has fallen apart; you see it in the space between those two extremes.”

In all likelihood, Shaw never actually said it, but the quote stuck around because it hits the bullseye. Your real self doesn’t come out at the peak of triumph or at rock bottom. It slips out when you’re waiting. And when you suddenly get way more than you expected.

Why the Supermarket Line Is a Lie Detector for the Soul

Remember standing in line while the cashier slowly scans an old lady’s groceries, your palm sweating around the phone that just buzzed “meeting starts in 5 minutes”? In that moment you’re neither a hero nor a victim. You’re just waiting. And that’s when everything becomes visible.

People generally fall into three camps:

• The ones who start sighing loudly, craning their necks, and muttering “why is this taking so damn long?”
• The ones quietly boiling inside but keeping a polite smile plastered on the outside.
• The ones who genuinely relax because they know seven extra minutes won’t make or break their life.

While Nobel Prize winner Daniel Kahneman popularized the study of human behavior, it was actually Walter Mischel who conducted the famous Marshmallow Test. His research showed that the ability to delay a small reward for a bigger one later is indeed one of the strongest predictors of life success. but here’s the kicker: people who can wait without getting angry have lower cortisol levels all day long, even when everything else is running on schedule.

In other words, patience isn’t just a “nice trait.” It’s a physiological shield against stress.

Now Imagine You Just Won a Million. Right This Second.

The money hits your account. You haven’t told anyone yet. What do you feel in the first ten seconds? Some people feel pure euphoria and the urge to buy everything immediately. Some feel panic: “What if someone takes it away?” And some feel a strange emptiness: “Wait… that’s it?”

In 1978 came the landmark study “Lottery Winners and Accident Victims” (the brick on which half of modern happiness psychology still stands). Researchers tracked lottery winners and people who became paralyzed in accidents. A year later, both groups’ happiness levels had largely returned to baseline, a phenomenon known as the Hedonic Treadmill.

But one detail stood out over time: the lottery winners who started acting arrogant after their win lost friends faster than they lost money. Those who stayed the same person multiplied both their money and their relationships.

Power and resources are amplifiers. Like a megaphone for the voice that’s already inside your head. If that voice quietly says “I’m better than everyone else,” a million dollars will make it roar down the street. If the voice says “I’m grateful and I want to share,” you’ll hear that one louder too.

The Experiment on Wealth and Empathy

Psychological research, particularly from Dr. Paul Piff at UC Berkeley, has revealed a startling truth about what success does to the brain. In his famous "Rigged Monopoly" experiments, participants who were given unfair advantages (more money, extra rolls) rapidly became rude, ate more snacks from the communal bowl, and bragged about their success—despite knowing the game was fixed in their favor.

Further studies on the "Self-Sufficiency Hypothesis" suggest that as people gain wealth, they often unconsciously distance themselves from others. High net-worth individuals often struggle more to identify emotions in others simply because they no longer need to rely on social cooperation to survive.

The conclusion is brutal but necessary: Money doesn’t necessarily corrupt people; it insulates them. It rips off the social masks most of us wear when we need other people to get by.

How to Test Yourself Today—No Crisis or Jackpot Required

You don’t need to wait for disaster or a windfall to gauge your character. Two micro-tests will do the job perfectly.

1. The Speed Test: Next time you’re delayed because someone else is slow (elevator, line, coworker), notice your very first emotion. If it’s irritation, that’s a signal: your nervous system believes the world owes you speed. And that’s trainable, like any muscle.
2. The Ego Test: When something goes right (bonus, compliment, 1,000 likes on a post), notice whether your first impulse is to monetize it or brag about it. If yes—also just a signal. Not bad, just information.

The Shortest Recipe for Staying Yourself in Both States

There’s one practice therapists call “neutral observation.”

When you’re waiting, silently tell yourself: “Right now I’m waiting. This feeling is just a feeling.”
When you suddenly get too much attention, money, or power—same thing: “Right now I’m euphoric/proud/terrified. This is just a feeling.”

Sounds too simple? Sure. But after eight weeks of this type of mindfulness practice (referencing studies by Dr. Jon Kabat-Zinn and colleagues), people show reduced amygdala activity (the brain’s fear-and-aggression center) and increased thickness in the prefrontal cortex—the part responsible for being a thoughtful human instead of a reactive animal.

So character isn’t something you have. It’s something you train every time the elevator is late and you still manage to smile.

And every time the crowd gives you a standing ovation and you still remember the names of the people who were with you when nobody clapped. That’s exactly where the real you lives—in the space between those two extremes. And that’s exactly where it’s easiest to find.

References:

• Brickman, P., Coates, D., & Janoff-Bulman, R. (1978). Lottery winners and accident victims: Is happiness relative? Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.
• Mischel, W., Ebbesen, E. B., & Raskoff Zeiss, A. (1972). Cognitive and attentional mechanisms in delay of gratification. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. (The origin of the "Marshmallow Test").
• Davidson, R. J., Kabat-Zinn, J., et al. (2003). Alterations in brain and immune function produced by mindfulness meditation. Psychosomatic Medicine.
• Piff, P. K., et al. (2010). Having Less, Giving More: The Influence of Social Class on Prosocial Behavior. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.