Have you ever noticed that some people can happily stay single for years, while others seem to be on fire with the urgent need to find someone right now? It isn’t just a matter of personality, bad luck, or “the universe testing them.” A fascinating study published in 2023, titled “The Price of Being Single: An Exploratory Study of the Disadvantages of Singlehood” (led by Greek psychologists Georgios Abakoumkin, Apostolos Apostolidis, and colleagues), decided to dig into exactly what people see as the biggest downsides of being single—and, crucially, how that perception changes their actual dating behavior.

Here are the three findings that completely shifted my perspective on dating.

1. Women and men experience the “price of singlehood” in totally different currencies

When participants—both men and women of various ages—were asked to list the main disadvantages of being single, three specific themes appeared repeatedly:

• Lack of emotional and practical support;
• Loneliness and the absence of intimacy;
• Social pressure and the stigma asking, “why are you still single?”

However, when researchers asked which of these hurts the most, the gender difference was striking. Women rated the lack of support as by far the biggest disadvantage. Men, on the other hand, were much more likely to point to loneliness and a lack of sexual intimacy as their primary pain points.

Why does this split exist? It lines up perfectly with both evolutionary psychology and modern social roles. Historically (and this still operates unconsciously in our brains), women have tended to view a partner as a key ally in survival—someone to help with offspring, chores, and emotional stability. Men have more often viewed a partner as a source of reproductive access, affection, and social status. It sounds blunt, but decades of research—especially David Buss’s massive cross-cultural studies on mating strategies—keep confirming this same underlying pattern.

2. The stronger your “safety net” outside of romance, the less singlehood stings

The second finding is absolute gold for anyone struggling with being alone. The study found that people who have strong support from friends and family literally discount the disadvantages of being single. They shrug and think, “Yeah, no one to cuddle with, but I’ve got three best friends who will show up at 3:00 a.m. with wine and blankets.”

Conversely, those with weak or distant social networks feel every single downside at full intensity. And guess who ends up paying the highest subjective “price” of singlehood? Exactly—the ones whose support system is thin. This fits beautifully into the classic “Buffering Hypothesis” of social support (researched by Shelley Taylor and others since the 1990s). Our brain treats any close relationships—romantic, platonic, or familial—as a biological stress shield. When romantic connections are missing but the others are solid, your cortisol levels and stress remain low. When the whole network is shaky, the brain goes into red-alert mode: “Find a partner NOW or you are in danger!”

3. The more expensive singlehood feels, the harder you hustle for a relationship

And here is the cherry on top: the researchers measured mating effort—a psychological term for how much energy people actually invest in finding a partner (going on dates, swiping, flirting, working on physical appearance, etc.).

There was a crystal-clear link: the higher someone rated the personal cost of being single, the more effort they poured into dating. In psychology, this follows a brutally simple formula: the worse being alone feels to you right now, the more time, money, and emotional bandwidth you are willing to spend to escape it. We often think we date because we “met someone nice,” but this suggests we often date simply because the cost of not dating feels too high.

What you can take from this today

• If you are a woman feeling an intense urgency to be in a relationship: Pause and check your non-romantic support system. Very often, that screaming need “to find someone” is actually a screaming need for reliable help and emotional backing—and that need can be met in other ways.
• If you are a man thinking “I just need sex and I’ll be fine”: Look deeper. Over time, the lack of real emotional connection starts eating away even at people who swore they didn’t care.
• If you are surrounded by solid friends and family: You can genuinely afford to be picky. Do not jump at the first person who shows interest. You have an actual safety net, so use it to wait for the right match.
• If your support circle is small or far away: Don’t be shocked that you are on your tenth date this month and starting to hate dating apps. Your brain is just trying to survive the perceived isolation.

This 2023 study is one of the few that directly connects the subjective “price” people assign to singlehood with their real-world dating behavior. It shows that we are not just casually “wanting” or “not wanting” a relationship. We are reacting—often unconsciously—to how expensive staying single feels to us in this exact moment of life.

So, the next time someone says, “I’m totally fine being single,” quietly ask yourself: how many people would show up for them at 4:00 a.m. without asking questions? The answer usually explains everything.

P.S. If this hit home, send the link to that friend who keeps complaining that “all the good ones are taken.” Maybe what they are really missing isn’t a partner—it is a stronger backbone of people who have their back.

References

• Abakoumkin, G., & Apostolidis, A., et al. (2023). The Price of Being Single: An Exploratory Study of the Disadvantages of Singlehood.
• Buss, D. M. (1989). Sex differences in human mate preferences: Evolutionary hypotheses tested in 37 cultures. Behavioral and Brain Sciences.
• Cohen, S., & Wills, T. A. (1985). Stress, social support, and the buffering hypothesis. Psychological Bulletin.