We need to have a serious conversation today. It's about that quiet hum of anxiety, that underlying tension that seems to be a feature of modern life. This isn't about a diagnosed condition for a select few; it's a disposition that touches nearly everyone. If every second or third person you meet is navigating this internal state, then understanding it is not just a matter of self-help, but of social survival and empathy.

At the heart of this issue is a fundamental mismatch. We carry within us a biological nature sculpted by millions of years of evolution—a nature designed for survival, dominance, and procreation. This inner "beast," so to speak, now finds itself living in a world it was never prepared for. It wasn't built for megacities, for the relentless bombardment of information, or for the intricate pressures of cultural traditions.

We spend our lives trying to domesticate this primal part of ourselves, to make it fit within a world that is, in many ways, alien to its core programming. Yes, this modern world has its advantages. The beast is generally well-fed and safe from predators. Life isn't objectively bad. Yet, we often feel like visitors from another planet, where everything is just slightly uncomfortable. It’s no wonder that anxiety, worry, and conflict have become the unfortunate norm of our existence. Happiness, it seems, is not our default state; it’s something we must constantly and consciously work toward, lest we spin out into a neurotic mess.

From Everyday Anxiety to Crippling Neurosis

So, what is this "neurotic mess," this state we call neurosis? It begins with that foundational conflict. Unconsciously, we are driven by a set of primal impulses: the need for power, the drive to pass on our genes, the instinct to secure our place. Consciously, however, we strive to be decent people. We know we should show altruism, understand others, and temper our desires with the reality of our circumstances.

Here, the friction becomes a fire. For example, a great many young people may aspire to be their own boss, to be leaders in their field. But how many have the actual capacity or opportunity to do so? When our deep-seated needs—for status, for a desirable partner, for control—are unmet, a powerful tension builds. The psyche doesn't like this discomfort. The need is there, but satisfaction is not. This internal pressure needs an outlet, and if it can't find a healthy one, it manifests as a neurotic symptom.

Suddenly, an inexplicable flutter in the chest becomes a source of profound health anxiety. We might develop obsessions, like repeatedly checking a locked door. A debilitating fatigue, or asthenia, can set in, making us feel drained of all strength and desire. Panic attacks can strike out of nowhere. Specific fears, like a phobia of public speaking, can grow until they paralyze us. This isn't a catastrophic explosion; it's a slow, steady drip of unresolved conflict that grinds us down. Consider the person in a stable job with a steady paycheck—a position that satisfies the need for security. But what if their boss is verbally abusive? A conflict arises between the need for safety and the need for self-worth. It’s not a fatal problem, but day by day, it erodes their well-being, eventually surfacing as an obsessive thought or a sudden panic attack.

The Path to Understanding

How do we solve this? The first step can be taken alone. I have immense respect for anyone who systematically reflects on themselves, who learns about the structure of the psyche and the tools available for coping with stress and improving communication. This kind of psychological enlightenment is invaluable.

But sometimes, it isn't enough. When symptoms persist, the next step is to seek a psychologist or psychotherapist. The therapeutic process is often two-fold. First, it addresses the symptom itself. A skilled therapist can provide tools and interventions to reduce anxiety, stop panic attacks, and dismantle phobias. This is crucial work that can restore a person's ability to function.

However, removing the symptom doesn't resolve the underlying internal conflict. This is the deeper task of psychotherapy: to make the unconscious conscious. A therapist helps a person see and articulate the hidden battle raging within them. Once we truly understand the nature of our internal conflict—once we accept what is realistic and what is not—we can begin to align our efforts with what is actually possible. This is how we find our way back to a stable, functional state. As the psychotherapist Frederick Perls once said, a patient differs from a psychoanalyst only by the degree of their neurosis. We all have it; the goal is to prevent the symptoms from turning life into a nightmare.

This is what true awareness is. It’s not just about sitting and being "present." It’s about deeply understanding what is happening inside of you. Psychotherapy, in this sense, is an adventure—a way for a person to truly come to know themselves by navigating their inner conflicts and difficulties.

The Echo of Neuroticism and Our Styles of Escape

Even after we’ve managed acute symptoms, the general state of neuroticism often remains. Life is still not simple, and that raw psychic energy produced by our inner nature still needs somewhere to go. Without conscious direction, people fall into different neurotic styles of behavior as a way to cope.

Some become workaholics, pouring all their energy into their careers as if life itself depended on it. For the workaholic, everything outside of work becomes irrelevant. Others may turn to alcohol, using it to inhibit the most sensitive part of our brain—the frontal cortex. By dulling our intellectual and control centers, we temporarily become a more inhibited, less troubled creature. Some adopt a tragically reflective view of the world, where everything is bad and suffering is the only truth. They may not have clinical depression, but they exist in a state of perpetual unhappiness. Still others adopt the posture of a victim, or take up endless, life-threatening risks, not for the joy of the activity, but as a way to run from themselves.

What unites all these strategies—from the socially praised workaholic to the self-destructive substance user? A profound lack of self-understanding. We are used to living by our ideas about ourselves, but we are so much more than that. Our brain is like a volcano, constantly erupting with needs, conflicts, thoughts, feelings, and life strategies.

The Art of Sympathetic Self-Care

The ultimate task is to distance ourselves a little, to look at this inner volcano from the side. When we can achieve this metaconsciousness, we can observe the chaos without being consumed by it. We can see the bothersome, nonsensical things that jump out of it and think, "Well, so what?"

This is where true self-care begins. It's not about indulgence or egoism. It's about treating our own minds with understanding and grace. It is the recognition that our unfortunate brain is tortured by the pressures of its own nature and the world it inhabits. We must cherish it, nourish it.

When depressive thoughts come, we can gently meet them: "Wait a minute, why are you here? Look, there are good things, too." When worry strikes, we can question it: "What is the absolute worst thing that could happen? Is that truly likely right now?" Our task is to start treating ourselves with a kind of sympathetic care.

As soon as we begin doing this for ourselves, we will see that other people are also suffering, tormented, and worried. We realize they are unhappy, too, and that sorting out relationships with them through conflict will only make things worse. Instead, we can try to offer them the same psychological warmth, support, and participation we are learning to give ourselves. And if it works, the person next to us will feel better, and we will feel better.

This is where happiness comes from. It's not something that just happens; it's something we create. It is our fate that the brain is constantly at risk of falling into neurosis, of cycling through these painful patterns. Our most noble task, then, is to show it mercy. To take care of it. To treat it, and ourselves, with a little more kindness.

References

• Horney, Karen. Neurosis and Human Growth: The Struggle Toward Self-Realization. W. W. Norton & Company, 1950.

  This foundational text explores how neurosis arises from the conflict between the "real self" and an "idealized self." Horney's concept of the "tyranny of the shoulds" directly relates to the article's discussion of the internal tension created by impossible standards and societal pressures (particularly relevant in Chapters 1-3, pp. 13-85). Her work explains how this conflict leads to alienation from the self and the adoption of neurotic coping strategies.

• Frankl, Viktor E. Man's Search for Meaning. Beacon Press, 2006.

  Frankl's logotherapy posits that a primary driving force in humans is the pursuit of meaning. The article's description of modern unease and neurotic behaviors as a form of "escape" aligns with Frankl's concept of the "existential vacuum"—a feeling of emptiness and meaninglessness that he argues is a widespread phenomenon of the 20th century. When this vacuum is not filled with purpose, neurotic conditions can emerge as a substitute (see Part Two, "Logotherapy in a Nutshell," pp. 101-140).