Every day, I am a witness to the fragility of life. In my line of work, I see people facing their own mortality, and in those final, lucid moments, a profound clarity often emerges. This proximity to life’s edge changes you. It strips away the trivial and reveals what truly matters. When time is no longer an abstract concept but a finite, dwindling resource, people's deepest regrets surface. These are not just sad stories; they are powerful lessons for all of us who still have the gift of time. I’ve distilled these recurring themes into four truths that I wish I had understood in my twenties.

1. The Illusion of Infinity

I once spoke to a group of university graduates, and I remembered my own graduation day—the feeling of an endless ocean of possibilities stretching out before me. It’s a beautiful feeling, but it’s also a dangerous illusion. So many of us live with the implicit sense that we have 50, 60, or even 80 years left. We tell ourselves, "I'll take that big trip later," or "I'll pursue my dream after I've saved enough." We postpone joy, thinking we can cash it in at some distant future date.

But life doesn't always follow our plans. It can be disrupted by an accident or a sudden illness. More subtly, windows of opportunity close. Think of any great innovation or movement; its value was highest for those who acted early. The person who hesitates, waiting for the perfect moment, often finds that the moment has passed and the opportunity is gone. A friend once told me about a creator who gained millions of followers online, seemingly set for life. But a few years later, his platform was gone, and he couldn't replicate his earlier success. He was doing the same things, but the timing was wrong. The world had moved on.

Your relevance, your energy, and your opportunities are most potent right now. The future doesn't exist yet, and the past is unchangeable. The life you are postponing is your actual life. Live it fully, here and now, because today is the only time you truly possess.

2. The Nightmare of the Unlived Life

A wise man once shared with me what he considered the most terrifying day in a person's life. It’s the morning you wake up, perhaps at 50 or 60, look in the mirror, and realize you never became the person you dreamed of being. It's the day you see that the hero you imagined as a child, the ambitions you held after university, the person you wanted to be for your family—that person never came to be. Not because you failed, but because you were too afraid to even try.

And on that day, you no longer have the time, the health, or the energy to start over. That realization, the convergence of deep regret and lost time, is a profound tragedy. Let the fear of that day motivate you now, whenever you feel hesitation or doubt.

I once heard a story on a business podcast where an astute businessman used a simple analogy. Imagine a group of sparrows sitting around scattered crumbs. Most are hesitant, calculating the risks, afraid someone will swoop in. Then, one fearless sparrow dives in and starts pecking. The others just watch. Often in life and business, the "unicorns"—those who achieve astronomical success from nothing—are the ones who fearlessly enter a space that others, armed with their calculations and analyses, deemed too risky. They succeed not because they had a perfect plan, but because they had conviction and a willingness to act on it.

3. The Prison of Others' Expectations

In countless bedside conversations, one regret echoes louder than almost any other: “I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.” I once saw a fictional epitaph in a film that read: "Here lies a man who spent his life afraid of what others would think." It’s a chillingly common story.

We absorb the expectations of our parents, our teachers, and our society. They want us to be a great musician, a successful lawyer, or a renowned athlete. But what do we want? Where do our own talents lie? You can water an apple seed with all the care in the world, but it will never grow oranges. The most important thing is to do what you genuinely love.

Even if you become highly skilled at a job you dislike, you will never be truly great in the long run. You won't have the fire, the fanatical drive that fuels real achievement. That level of dedication is only sustainable when you are passionate about what you do. So if you feel a calling to change your path, don't dismiss it. It is never too late to learn a new skill, change careers, or start a new hobby. The only time it’s too late is when you’re no longer here. If your heart is pulling you somewhere, have the courage to follow it.

4. The Weight of the Past

Our future is not determined by our past, because we have absolutely no power to change what has already happened. The more mental energy you spend dwelling on past mistakes, hurts, and regrets, the less focus you have for the present moment—the only place where you can actually shape your future.

A psychologist once described carrying past grudges as hauling around a bag of foul-smelling garbage on your back. It stinks, it's heavy, and it prevents you from being present and enjoying the moment with the people around you. You carry the sting of a past betrayal into a new partnership, unable to trust someone who is offering you their open heart. You replay a missed opportunity over and over, blinding you to the new ones right in front of you.

Learn from the past, but do not live in it. Treat it like a solved math problem: 2 + 2 = 4. The conclusion is reached. You've learned the lesson. Now, move on. Put all your focus on today. Let go of the baggage. It does nothing to the person who hurt you, but it poisons your ability to build a happy and successful present.

References

• Ware, B. (2012). The Top Five Regrets of the Dying: A Life Transformed by the Dearly Departing. Hay House, Inc.
  This book, written by a palliative care nurse, documents the most common regrets she heard from her patients in their final weeks. The themes directly support the article's core messages, especially the regret of not living a life true to oneself (supporting section 3) and wishing one hadn't worked so hard at the expense of relationships and happiness (related to sections 1 and 2). The most cited regret is, "I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me" (Chapter 2).
• Yalom, I. D. (2008). Staring at the Sun: Overcoming the Terror of Death. Jossey-Bass.
  A prominent existential psychiatrist, Yalom explores how confronting the reality of death can be a powerful catalyst for living a more authentic and meaningful life. This aligns with the article's central premise that insights from the dying can guide the living. Yalom argues that an awareness of death can help us prioritize what is important, let go of trivial fears (like others' opinions, as discussed in section 3), and seize the day, a concept he refers to as the "awakening experience" (pp. 29-54).