Freedom, as Sigmund Freud suggested, is the ability to want what you really want. This simple idea is the key to unlocking a profound sense of self-acceptance, especially for a woman learning to embrace her own nature. It’s about more than just passive agreement with reality; it is the active process of feeling and knowing your own body, your emotions, and your desires, and weaving them into the fabric of your consciousness and behavior. The first step lies in valuing yourself enough to defend your right to simply be.

To truly accept yourself, you must become aware of your thoughts, feelings, and desires without judgment or denial. It is about allowing yourself to exist as you are, not as society dictates you "should" be. This internal conflict is at the heart of so much of our modern unease.

The Inner Battlefield: Consciousness Between Two Masters

Imagine the mind as having three core structures, a model that, while not a literal map of the brain, provides a powerful way to understand our inner workings.

First, there is the unconscious, deeply connected to the body. It receives millions of signals about our internal state—our true needs and wants. The unconscious thinks in images and sensations. When the body lacks water, the unconscious generates the raw feeling of thirst. This sensation is hard to describe with words, but it’s a powerful internal image that drives us. It then sparks fantasies—a glass of cool water, a running stream—so that our conscious mind knows exactly how to satisfy the need.

Then, there is the superconsciousness, or the social brain. This is the part of us that thinks in terms of duty and obligation. It is the voice of "must," "should," "custom," and the ever-present question, "What will people say?" It gives us the ability to function in society, but its demands can be tyrannical.

Caught between these two powerful forces is consciousness. It is constantly under pressure, receiving conflicting signals. The unconscious screams, "I want this!" while the superconscious warns, "You can't do that, it's not proper!" Consciousness is left to make decisions using logic: beneficial or not, expensive or cheap, dangerous or safe. The real problem arises when a person can no longer hear the signals from their own unconscious. They lose touch with what they truly want. Freud called the process of adopting external standards as one's own "internalization." When you can't hear your own desires, you start wanting what others want, what seems logical, or what is profitable. A father says dentists earn a lot of money, so the child decides to become a dentist. But is that desire truly their own?

The Tyranny of the Standard and the Body

This disconnect is fueled by the phrase "A woman should..." This single idea is the source of so much self-rejection. We are social beings, and for us, social integration is critically important. Yet studies have shown that in some societies, nearly one in three women feels a sense of guilt for not meeting certain parameters imposed by culture. These exaggerated expectations become the enemy of harmony, causing immense distress over not being what we feel we "should be."

A classic example is the fashion for an extremely slim, model-like appearance that began in the 1960s. Before this, iconic beauties like Marilyn Monroe did not fit this mold, yet she was celebrated as one of the most beautiful women in the world. This new standard, often 10 to 15 kilograms below a healthy physiological weight, has caused countless girls and women to develop inferiority complexes and damage their health with restrictive diets, pushing their bodies toward an ideal that may not align with their genetics or physiology.

It is vital to stop and ask: are you trying to conform to a standard made up by someone else? We must abandon the habit of comparing ourselves to some arbitrary ideal. There is nothing inherently "good" or "bad" in the world. Rain isn't good or bad. If you planned a picnic, it’s bad; if you needed your garden watered, it’s good. A north wind is good if you are sailing south, but bad if you are trying to go north. Things are only good or bad in relation to our goals and needs.

Stop seeing parts of yourself as foreign or flawed. You can either spend your life being unhappy with what you don't have or learn to be happy with what you do. Compare yourself only to yourself yesterday. Find your unique dignities—every person has them—and work to enhance them with love and care, not with hostility.

The Physical Price of Self-Rejection

This constant battle with oneself is a form of neurosis, a low-grade but persistent stress. Being dissatisfied with yourself 24 hours a day is not like disliking a single meal; it is a chronically elevated state of anxiety. This means constantly elevated levels of cortisol, adrenaline, and glucose in your system.

While our baseline mood is partly genetic—influenced by our natural levels of serotonin and dopamine—this chronic stress is a major factor. It’s the physiological cause of excess weight, high blood pressure, and can contribute to more serious conditions like diabetes or even cancer. It all begins with that feeling of inadequacy, the inability to hear and honor what you truly want.

Finding Your Voice and Setting Your Boundaries

If a person can feel what they want—to know in a restaurant whether they desire meat or fish—only then can they choose the right partner or the right path in life. Women are initiators and inspirers. By realizing what they want, they not only preserve themselves but also inspire their partners and children.

It is crucial to surround yourself with people who embody this self-acceptance. When happy, successful women gather, they unconsciously exchange effective programs for living. It is like sharing a file between two devices; through communication, we absorb the mindsets of those around us. Find an environment of positive energy and get into its flow.

Furthermore, do not put your life on hold. The archaic way of thinking that says, "I will be patient and unhappy now, but once I get married, then I'll be happy," is a profound mistake. You will only attract a healthy partner when you are already happy without one. An unhappy person seeking a savior often attracts an abuser who enjoys the unhappiness of others.

To walk the path of self-acceptance, you must be honest with yourself. Listen to the voice of your soul, your unconscious, and learn to distinguish it from the logical voice of the ego ("it's beneficial, it's promising") and the demanding voice of the super-ego ("it's how it should be done"). When you act in accordance with your inner needs, your unconscious becomes a powerful ally. This harmony breeds creativity, passion, health, and longevity. It gives you burning eyes that make people want to follow you. One cannot join a bus that has no destination; it is impossible to follow someone who is not going anywhere.

Finally, you must learn to defend your interests and define your personal boundaries. You have the right to do so. Learn to say "no." If someone asks for something and you know the answer is no, do not say "I'll think about it" out of discomfort. Be clear. This clarity is not cruel; it is a kindness. You cannot save a drowning person who is not trying to get out of the water; you will both capsize.

Even in a relationship of deep love, create space for your personal self. Have a password on your phone. Have a space that is yours alone. If a partner reads your messages or notebooks without permission, that is a violation. Learn to communicate when you are uncomfortable. If they do not change, it is not love. If a friend does not respect your feelings, it is not friendship. By accepting yourself, you will not only build a healthy union with your own unconscious, but you will also create the conditions for a true partnership with someone who accepts you as you are—a person realizing their own dreams.

References

• Freud, S. (1930). Civilization and Its Discontents.
  This foundational work explores the inherent tension between the individual's instinctual quest for freedom and happiness (the "pleasure principle") and the demands of society for conformity and repression. It provides the theoretical underpinning for the article's discussion of the conflict between the unconscious "wants" and the superconscious "shoulds" that civilization imposes on every person.
• Brown, B. (2010). The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You're Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are.
  This book directly addresses the core themes of the article, such as shame, vulnerability, and worthiness. Brown argues that self-acceptance comes from embracing imperfection and rejecting the crippling societal expectations that fuel the "I'm not enough" narrative. Its central message is a practical and emotional guide to living a "wholehearted" life, which aligns perfectly with the article's call to stop striving for an artificial standard.
• Sapolsky, R. M. (2004). Why Zebras Don't Get Ulcers: The Acclaimed Guide to Stress, Stress-Related Diseases, and Coping.
  This book provides the scientific basis for the article's claims about the physiological damage caused by chronic psychological stress. Sapolsky explains in accessible terms how persistent emotional and social stressors—such as the feeling of inadequacy or lack of control discussed in the article—activate the same stress response designed for short-term physical emergencies, leading to elevated cortisol and contributing to conditions like weight gain, hypertension, and weakened immune function. (Specifically, see Part Two: "Stress and a Few Organ Systems" for details on specific health impacts).