What is arguably the worst thing parents can give their child? It is the burden of their own sacrificed happiness. When parents give up everything for their children, they are not offering a gift, but a subtle poison that can burden a child with guilt and a distorted understanding of love. A child is a separate person, not an extension of us. We cannot live their lives for them; they must learn to make their own choices, decisions, and mistakes. While humanity has no single formula for raising children, a few golden principles can guide us toward the goal of raising a healthy, well-rounded person.

1. The Power of Personal Example

The most fundamental rule of parenting is that personal example is the most powerful teacher. Do not think you are raising your child only when you are actively talking to them or giving them orders. You are raising them in every moment of your life, even when you are not home. The way you dress, how you speak to and about other people, how you express joy or sadness, how you treat friends and enemies, how you laugh, how you engage with the world—all of this is profoundly important to a child. They perceive the slightest change in your tone and feel the twists and turns of your thoughts through invisible channels. A significant part of a child's behavioral pattern is formed in early childhood through the simple, powerful act of imitating their parents. Therefore, if you wish to raise a capable child, you must first work on yourself. If your words teach one thing but your actions demonstrate another, do not be surprised when your child’s behavior mirrors yours, not your advice. If you want to achieve something with your children, start with yourself; they will be inspired by your example and will surely follow.

• If you smoke, it is highly probable your child will start smoking in adolescence.
• If you cannot resolve family conflicts with dignity, do not be surprised if your child has problems in their own relationships.
• If you do not engage in physical activity, you are unlikely to raise a child who values it.
• If you cannot remember the last time you picked up a book, you cannot expect your child to develop a love for reading.

2. The Love Between Partners as a Foundation

The foundation of any family is the spousal relationship—the husband and wife, the father and mother. From childhood, a child must see and understand that the communication and love between their parents come first. It is through this primary example that a child learns what a relationship saturated with respect, care, and sincere love looks like. This understanding is what provides a child with a profound sense of security. For a child, this stable parental bond is the very ground beneath their feet; it allows them to form a coherent and safe picture of the world. After all, a family is a child's first world, and it is on the foundation of observed love that a whole range of moral and ethical values are built: gratitude, mutual assistance, decency, honesty, empathy, and support. To lay this foundation, you must express your love for your partner correctly, ensuring the message of a secure and loving union reaches its most important audience: your child.

3. Authority, Not Authoritarianism

It is vital to cultivate parental authority. Do not try to be your child's best friend. While a friendly relationship is good, a peer-to-peer dynamic makes it difficult to set the necessary boundaries you will need in serious situations that inevitably arise. Your opinion must hold weight. The guidance of an authoritative parent is always more valuable because it is rooted in greater life experience and the primary responsibility to protect and solve problems. However, it is critical to not confuse authority with authoritarianism.

• Authority is achieved not through pressure and prohibitions, but through personal example, wisdom, mutual respect, and a genuine willingness to listen, understand, and accept your child. Children run to such parents with their problems and trust their advice. This should be your goal.
• Authoritarianism, in contrast, relies on control, power, and fear. It stifles a child’s ability to think for themselves and often leads to rebellion or submission, not genuine respect.

4. Respect the Child as an Individual

Every person wants and must live their own life. A child is already a separate and independent being from the moment they are born. Parents must deeply realize that their child is a distinct personality, not simply a continuation of themselves. You cannot live their life for them. They must learn to make choices, navigate decisions, and recover from their own mistakes. Give your child the gift of independence. Do not control their every step or provide them with ready-made solutions. Instead, suggest possible ways to achieve their goals and discuss the potential outcomes of different paths. This approach empowers them to think critically and take ownership of their life.

5. Establish Clear and Justified Rules

Children cannot thrive without rules; in fact, they need them. A world without boundaries is confusing and frightening. It is the parents' job to clearly establish rules and limits for their children, as these structures make the world more understandable and, therefore, safer.

These rules must be:

1. Clear and consistent.
2. Revised as the child grows and matures.
3. Justified with reason. A parent must explain *why* a rule exists. Avoid justifying a prohibition with a phrase of pure dominance like, “Because I said so.” An explanation shows respect for the child's intellect and teaches them to reason.

Permissiveness is incompatible with the concept of upbringing. If you have raised your child without particular prohibitions, now is the time to change your approach. Try not to miss the moment when they still respond to your requests, otherwise it will be nearly impossible to justify the need for them to listen to you later.

Ultimately, you cannot teach a person to be happy, but you can raise them in a way that they can build their own happiness. It is all in your hands. Love is the greatest feeling that works miracles, creates new people, and builds the greatest human values.

References

• Bandura, A. (1977). Social Learning Theory. Prentice Hall.
  This foundational work explains how individuals, especially children, learn behaviors, attitudes, and emotional reactions through observation and imitation of others. This directly supports the principle of "Personal Example" as the primary mode of parenting.
• Baumrind, D. (1967). Child care practices anteceding three patterns of preschool behavior. Genetic Psychology Monographs, 75(1), 43-88.
  This is one of Diana Baumrind's seminal papers on parenting styles. She identifies and describes different styles, including the "authoritative" style (which is distinct from "authoritarian"), linking it to more positive child outcomes. This research provides the academic basis for the "Authority, Not Authoritarianism" section.
• Bowlby, J. (1969). Attachment and Loss, Vol. 1: Attachment. Attachment and Loss. New York: Basic Books.
  John Bowlby's work on attachment theory explains how a child's bond with their primary caregivers forms a "secure base" from which they can explore the world. A stable, loving relationship between the parents contributes significantly to this sense of security, as noted in the section on "The Love Between Partners."