We've all encountered different ways people talk about their pasts and their present situations. Sometimes, you hear stories steeped in hardship, focusing on the lack of support, missed opportunities like university, and how these external factors led directly to current financial struggles. There's often a sense that if only circumstances had been different—wealthier parents, a lucky break—life would be easy now. This perspective centers on what couldn't be controlled, often leading to a feeling of being stuck, blaming the unchangeable past for the present.

Then there are others who might share similar stories of difficult beginnings and lack of external help. They too might mention obstacles, like not getting into a desired educational program. However, the emphasis shifts. They highlight how facing these difficulties without support became a catalyst for self-development, for relentless work ethic, day and night. Their narrative connects the past struggles not to present lack, but to present strength and success, attributing their achievements to their own focused effort and resilience. This difference in perspective is profound. One approach dwells on factors outside personal influence, while the other concentrates intensely on the realm of personal action – on what can be done, regardless of the surrounding environment.

Taking the Reins: Where Does Your Focus Lie?

The first approach often feels easier. It's tempting to point fingers at circumstances, lack of privilege, or unfairness. Our brains naturally gravitate towards explanations that don't require strenuous effort from us. It's harder to ask, "What can I do right now to change this?" because the answer usually involves hard work, facing difficulties, maybe even sleepless nights. Fear of struggle or failure can lead people to focus on blaming externals rather than stepping into their own power.

Embracing a proactive stance means shifting focus solely onto your circle of influence – the things you can change through your actions, choices, and mindset. It's about accepting that while you can't control everything that happens to you, you can control your response. This isn't about ignoring difficulties, but about channeling energy into productive action rather than complaint.

Picturing Your Legacy: What Truly Matters?

Imagine attending your own funeral. Standing there, observing, what would you want said about the life you lived? This isn't a morbid thought, but a powerful tool for clarity. Would you want to be remembered as a good spouse? If yes, how do daily interactions reflect that? Coming home stressed and speaking negatively might not align with that desired image. Does this pattern serve the legacy you wish to leave?

Do you aspire to be seen as someone who contributed meaningfully to society, impacting lives positively? If so, what steps are you taking now towards that? Or is the fear of difficulty, of potential failure, keeping you from making those significant moves, leading instead to an average existence, lived like many others? Do you wish to be known as smart, capable, educated? How much time is actively dedicated today to learning, reading, applying knowledge?

Asking "How do I want to be remembered?" forces us to evaluate our current actions against our ultimate goals. Knowing the desired end result helps shape the necessary steps we take in the present. This clarity provides direction and motivation.

Time Well Spent: Aligning Actions with Priorities

What is truly most important in your life? Many would quickly answer: health, relationships, family, personal growth. Yet, if we honestly track our time, where does it actually go? Hours might slip away scrolling through social media feeds, watching television, or engaging in other passive activities. How much time, in contrast, is actively invested in exercising for better health, nurturing family bonds, or pursuing knowledge?

If an activity doesn't contribute to your core values or move you closer to your defined goals, it's worth questioning the time spent on it. Time is often equated with money, but it's far more precious. Lost money can potentially be earned back; lost time is gone forever. Prioritizing means consciously allocating this finite resource to activities that align with what you've identified as truly important. Put first things first, daily.

Beyond Competition: Finding Mutual Success

Consider a scenario with two restaurants in the same town, one Japanese, one Chinese, each with a loyal customer base. One approach is cooperation: they agree to recommend each other, perhaps sharing business cards. Both potentially gain new customers and increase profits. It's a win-win.

Now picture the alternative: one owner tries to undermine the other by posting negative online reviews, spreading rumors, hoping to steal customers. The targeted owner retaliates. In the end, both reputations suffer, trust erodes, and both businesses likely lose.

This illustrates a crucial mindset: think in terms of mutual benefit. Success doesn't have to mean someone else fails. True victory often comes from collaboration, where both parties gain. Instead of viewing interactions as a zero-sum game, look for ways everyone involved can come out ahead.

Value Exchange: Understanding Needs, Offering Benefits

Imagine trying to sell a book you poured months of effort into, working tirelessly. If your sales pitch focuses solely on your hard work and sleepless nights, will that persuade a potential buyer? Likely not. People aren't motivated by your struggle; they are motivated by what they gain. Why should they spend their money on your book unless it offers them tangible value, useful knowledge, or solves a problem they have?

This principle applies broadly in relationships and interactions. Focus on understanding the other person's perspective and needs first. How can you provide genuine benefit or value to them? When you strive to offer something useful, people are naturally more receptive, and mutually beneficial outcomes become possible. Try to benefit someone in a way that encourages them to benefit you in return.

Stronger Together: The Power of Collaboration

Think of two people trying to reach fruit high up in a tree. Individually, neither can reach. They could give up and go home empty-handed. Or, they could work together – one climbing onto the other's shoulders. By combining their efforts, they can gather plenty of fruit to share. This union, where the outcome is greater than the sum of individual efforts, is synergy.

Recognize that our individual time, skills, and knowledge are limited. Instead of trying to master everything yourself—like spending years learning professional design for a single project—collaborate. Partner with someone who already has extensive experience in that area. By uniting with others, leveraging diverse strengths and knowledge, our potential becomes almost limitless. Strength truly lies in unity.

Renew Yourself: Keeping Your Edge Sharp

There's a story of a man sawing a tree for hours with great effort but little progress. A neighbor suggests sharpening the saw, pointing out it would speed up the work. The man replies, "But stopping to sharpen the saw would take too much time!"

This might sound absurd, but we often live this way. We say we don't have 30 minutes for exercise, leading to declining health that makes even simple tasks feel burdensome. We claim we lack 15 minutes to read something developmental, yet spend hours on passive entertainment or social media gossip. Then, when challenges arise, we complain about life or fate. It's like wanting to build a sturdy house but never finding time to lay a solid foundation, searching instead for a single brick that will magically hold everything up.

Life requires ongoing maintenance and development. Regularly investing time in renewing yourself—physically (exercise, rest), mentally (learning, reading), emotionally (building relationships), spiritually (clarifying values)—is like sharpening the saw. It makes you more effective, resilient, and capable in everything else you do. Consistent self-renewal isn't lost time; it's essential preparation for effective living.

References:

• Covey, S. R. (1989). The 7 habits of highly effective people: Powerful lessons in personal change. Simon & Schuster.
  This foundational work details the principles discussed throughout the article. Habit 1 (Be Proactive) corresponds to taking responsibility and focusing on one's circle of influence. Habit 2 (Begin with the End in Mind) relates to defining personal values and legacy. Habit 3 (Put First Things First) addresses prioritizing actions based on importance. Habit 4 (Think Win-Win) covers seeking mutually beneficial solutions. Habit 5 (Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood) aligns with the 'Value Exchange' concept. Habit 6 (Synergize) directly maps to the power of collaboration. Habit 7 (Sharpen the Saw) explains the importance of self-renewal across physical, mental, social/emotional, and spiritual dimensions.