At the beginning of any romantic connection, everything feels natural, even beautiful. You meet someone, feel a pull toward them, and recognize that something is growing between you—perhaps love, passion, or just a deep craving to be closer. In these moments, the attraction feels healthy. You’re still yourself. The other person is still themselves. You understand that this feeling exists between two distinct individuals. But what happens when that attraction stops feeling like a bond between equals and starts to feel more like a need—something you can't control? This is where things begin to change.

Attraction as a Force of Change

It’s tempting to romanticize intense feelings. Our culture often celebrates the “can’t eat, can’t sleep” kind of love. But just like a drug, strong emotional attraction can blur reality. At first, you might feel empowered—you’re attentive, thoughtful, maybe even more alive than usual. You're trying to win over someone you like, and often that energy is reciprocated. But this initial phase can mask what may follow if you're not aware of your inner boundaries.

What seems like love can gradually morph into dependence. You stop seeing the other person clearly and start assigning them roles they never agreed to play. Suddenly, they’re not just someone you’re dating. They’re your reason for waking up, your source of happiness or pain. You no longer stand next to them—you lean on them, or worse, cling to them.

When the Mind Surrenders

A red flag appears when the attraction starts feeling out of your hands. Instead of noticing how you’re feeling and responding to what’s actually happening, you begin creating stories: “They must be using tricks to seduce me,” or “They’ve figured out how to manipulate my feelings.” This illusion—that someone else controls how we feel—is where the slope becomes steep.

But no one can take over your thoughts unless you surrender them willingly.

Yes, some people are charismatic. Some know how to read others well. But perceiving someone as a master manipulator often says more about our own disconnection from inner boundaries than it does about their actual behavior. When we don’t want to take ownership of our emotions, it’s easy to blame the other person for “doing something” to us.

Losing Control of Attraction

A common pattern in toxic relationships is the blaming of one partner. Men might say, “She manipulated me.” Women might explain, “He’s a narcissist.” But look deeper. Often both partners are tangled in an emotional loop where neither wants to take responsibility for their own feelings. The person being called “manipulative” may simply be acting out their own unresolved patterns. And the one doing the blaming might be avoiding the painful realization that they gave up their personal power somewhere along the way.

Attraction can distort perception. The stronger the craving for emotional connection, the more likely we are to rewrite reality to fit what we want to believe. We may even call unhealthy attachment “fate” or “destiny” because it’s easier to live in fantasy than confront the truth: we’ve lost ourselves.

The Illusion of the “Manipulator”

It’s not that manipulative people don’t exist—they do. But they are rare. The kind of person who truly seeks control over others, not love, makes up a very small percentage of the population. Most of the time, the person on the other end is just as confused, just as lost, just as human.

Sometimes, the people we call “narcissists” or “psychopaths” are simply people who are emotionally unavailable. They are drawn not to relationships, but to the thrill of the chase, the challenge, the obstacle. The “high” they experience isn’t from love—it’s from winning against resistance.

That’s why, once the emotional wall is gone and total availability is given, the excitement fades. They don’t want partnership. They want to conquer. And when there’s nothing left to conquer, they disappear.

But this isn’t about them. It’s about understanding your own response to this kind of person.

Taking Ownership of Your Feelings

You’re not helpless. No matter how deep your feelings go, they are yours—and that means you can influence them. Not by force, not by denial, but by awareness.

There’s a simple yet powerful example. Imagine a man sees a woman he’s attracted to. He makes a move. She doesn’t respond. He feels the pull but walks away. That’s emotional maturity: recognizing attraction but also seeing the other person as a separate individual with their own agency.

Now imagine another man in the same situation. He dives in headfirst. There are no boundaries, no restraint. The attraction consumes him. Later, he may speak of heartbreak, manipulation, or betrayal. But what truly happened is that he lost control of his own emotional compass. He mistook internal craving for external control.

This is what happens when you fail to separate your feelings from the actions of another person.

Emotional Dependency Is Not Love

Love, in its healthiest form, is about connection, not captivity. It respects freedom. It recognizes two people choosing each other again and again—not because they must, but because they want to.

Addiction, on the other hand, demands. It doesn’t wait for consent. It grips and pulls and insists. And it often disguises itself as something sacred, when in fact, it’s built on fear: fear of loss, of being alone, of not being enough.

That fear is not a crime. It’s human. But it must be faced, not projected onto someone else.

Clarity as Protection

The real protection from unhealthy emotional entanglements is clarity—of self, of feelings, of reality. Not everyone you fall for will fall for you. Not everyone who excites you will be good for you. And not everyone who walks away from you is a villain.

Recognize your power in all of this. You are not at the mercy of every emotional wave. Yes, feelings are intense. They can feel overwhelming. But they do not rule you unless you let them.

Learn to pause. Observe. Reflect. Ask:

• Is this feeling mutual?
• Am I responding to a person or to a fantasy I’ve built around them?
• Am I still myself in this situation, or have I become someone else just to be closer to them?

Only through these questions can you protect your emotional world—and ultimately, your peace.