Have you ever felt like you're in a tug-of-war with your own thoughts?

I know I have. It's an exhausting game, one that consumes time and energy, leaving you feeling drained and frustrated. If you've ever tried to shake off anxious thoughts only to find them persistently returning, you might be trapped in a mental tug-of-war with anxiety. It's a cycle that happens automatically, but it's one you don't have to keep playing. If you're prone to overthinking and would prefer to focus your energy elsewhere, read on for insights into this mental challenge and strategies to break free.

As a Wellbeing Coach, I specialize in working with talented, motivated professionals, helping them navigate the complexities of balancing their professional and personal lives. A common theme I encounter is OVERTHINKING and especially the dominance of negative thoughts in my clients which results in anxiety.

Allow me to introduce my client Sadaf, a high-achieving professional excelling in her career. Despite her external accomplishments, Sadaf often finds herself overwhelmed by worries and self-doubt. She constantly questions her decisions, replays past errors, and frets about the future. This unrelenting cycle of overthinking leaves her feeling drained and unable to fully appreciate her achievements.

As Sadaf and I work together, she delves into understanding her struggles, realizing she's been entangled in a prolonged mental tug-of-war with anxiety. Tired of feeling ensnared by negative thoughts, she's eager to break free from their grip.

Naviagting Through Our Mental Tug-of-War:

If you find yourself in this situation, it's important to know that you're not alone. This mental tug-of-war persists because of the way our brains are wired.

Consider this: our minds churn through thousands of thoughts every hour. Surprisingly, a large portion of these thoughts—about 80%—tend to be negative. This means we're processing roughly 44 negative thoughts per minute or nearly one per second. Moreover, our brains are creatures of habit, with about 90% of our thoughts being recycled ruminations. It's no wonder that the mental tug-of-war seems never-ending.

For those who tend to analyse their thoughts, distinguishing between normal worries and negative thinking can be challenging. Feeling down after a tough event or worrying about everyday concerns like finances or relationships is something we all experience occasionally. However, when these feelings become repetitive and all-encompassing, it's a cause for concern.

There are Three Primary Causes of Negative Thoughts:

Fear of the future: The unknown often triggers fear, leading to a phenomenon called "catastrophizing," where we anticipate failure and disaster. Worrying excessively about the future drains us of time and energy. The key to breaking free from this cycle is accepting the limitations of what we can control and shifting our focus to the present.

Anxiety about the present: It's understandable to feel anxious about the present, especially when we worry about what others think of us or whether we're performing well at work. Negative thinkers tend to imagine worst-case scenarios, driven by a fear of losing control.

Shame about the past: We've all had moments we regret, but negative thinkers tend to dwell on past mistakes more than others. Instead of ruminating, it's more constructive to accept past events and consider how to prevent similar situations in the future.

How To Tame Your Automatic Negative Thoughts:

If you're tired of the mental tug-of-war and want to stop negative thinking once and for all, there are effective techniques you can use. The key is to intercept negative thoughts before they consume you completely. Here are five questions to ask yourself the next time negative thoughts arise:

Ø  Is the thought true, or is it based on assumptions?

Ø  Is this thought empowering me, or is it taking away my power?

Ø  Can I find a positive angle or a lesson in this thought?

Ø  What would my life look like without these negative beliefs?

Ø  Is this thought avoiding an issue that needs addressing?

How the Negativity Bias Causes Anxiety:

The human brain has a natural tendency to focus on the negative, a phenomenon known as the negativity bias. This skewed perception of the world contributes significantly to anxiety. However, once we become aware of this bias, we can take steps to reduce its impact on our mental health.

The anxiety caused by our brain’s negativity bias can be strong and stubborn. Once we become aware of our tendency to find negativity or interpret people in situations negatively, it becomes much easier to reduce the anxiety associated with it.

Ways to Change Your Negativity Bias and Lower Anxiety:

Some pointers to help you change your negativity bias and lower your anxiety are:

Ø  Notice what you notice—keep track of what you’re paying attention to, what is negative.

Ø  Listen to your thoughts, especially when you’re experiencing anxiety, to see what negative messages you’re being blasted with.

Ø  Problem-solve when things are truly negative by developing an action plan to deal with it.

Ø  Intentionally take note of what’s right in order train your brain to expand its worldview.

Ø  keep a gratitude journal to teach your brain that there are good things to pay attention to and that not everything is dangerous.

Remember, while the brain may naturally gravitate towards negativity, proactive steps can diminish its influence, leading to a more balanced and fulfilling life. It’s possible to overcome this anxiety-causing negativity bias by taking small steps every single day to train the brain to find and respond to the positive, thus diminishing anxiety.

Gain Control of Your Thoughts Today:

In conclusion, Sadaf's journey underscores the possibility of overcoming overthinking and negative biases with appropriate strategies and support. As she continues implementing these techniques, she gradually breaks free from the mental tug-of-war, reclaiming control over her thoughts and emotions.

Changing negative thinking patterns requires dedication and support, often from a mental health professional. If anxiety persists despite efforts, seeking assistance from a Coach can provide valuable guidance. Should you require support in managing anxiety, consider joining my 30-day Anxiety Management Program for lasting relief.

Warm Regards,

Shabeen Mazher
Wellbeing Coach