Machiavellianism, a term originally rooted in political science, refers to a behavioral trait that involves manipulation, exploitation, and authoritarian control. The term is derived from Niccolò Machiavelli, an Italian philosopher and politician who famously promoted the idea that achieving power, even through ruthless means, is justified in the pursuit of creating a strong and unified state. In interpersonal relationships, Machiavellianism manifests as a strategy of exploiting others for personal gain, often through deceit, flattery, and intimidation.

The Origins of Machiavellianism in Psychology

In the 20th century, psychologists R. Christie and F. Geis explored Machiavellianism's influence on interpersonal relationships. They found that, much like political power struggles, individuals exhibiting Machiavellian tendencies use their partners as tools to secure their own interests. These individuals often operate under the belief that the end—typically personal power, control, or material gain—justifies the means. For them, love, companionship, and even familial relationships are just arenas where manipulation can take place to fulfill their desires. A key trait of someone exhibiting Machiavellianism is their ability to manipulate others subtly. The victim of such manipulation often believes they are choosing this relationship of their own free will, unaware that they are being emotionally and psychologically controlled. The abuser might justify their behavior as necessary for the "greater good" of the relationship or family, convincing the victim that their suffering is a temporary sacrifice for a more desirable future.

Machiavellianism in Romantic Relationships

When it comes to romantic relationships, Machiavellian individuals are often adept at exploiting their partners’ emotional vulnerabilities. They understand that, in most cases, people are willing to endure discomfort or sacrifice for the sake of love and future happiness. The promise of "delayed gratification"—a better future, financial security, or a fulfilling relationship—becomes a powerful tool for manipulation, as it encourages the victim to endure current mistreatment in anticipation of future rewards. The victim, especially when subjected to emotional abuse, may rationalize the situation as part of the natural ups and downs of a relationship. "He or she only wants what's best for us," they may think, all the while the manipulator is extracting resources, whether emotional, financial, or psychological, to sustain their own agenda. For example, a partner might promise a better future—a flourishing career, financial stability, or a dream life—while simultaneously controlling their partner's finances, social interactions, or career choices. These promises may seem sincere, but they often serve as a mechanism to keep the victim in a submissive position. The manipulator relies on the victim's trust in these promises, even if the abuser never intends to fulfill them.

Signs of Machiavellian Behavior in Relationships

Several behavioral patterns can indicate Machiavellian tendencies in a relationship, including:

Blaming external forces: Whether it's financial problems, 'bad luck,' or blaming other people, the manipulator consistently avoids taking responsibility for their actions.

Emotional and physical abuse justified as protection: Any form of control or abuse is presented as a protective measure for the well-being of the family or relationship. "I had to do it for our future" or "I only did it because I love you" are typical justifications.

Creating fabricated enemies: The manipulator frequently paints others as enemies who want to destroy the relationship. This could be friends, family members, or even strangers. The goal is to isolate the victim, making them believe that their only ally is the manipulator.

Using gifts and kindness as manipulation: At times, the Machiavellian partner will show affection or generosity, but only when the victim is behaving in a way that pleases them. Gifts and kind gestures are seen as tools to maintain control rather than genuine expressions of love.

Lack of empathy: A significant indicator of Machiavellianism is the inability or unwillingness to empathize with the partner’s feelings or needs. The manipulator does not recognize or care for the emotional toll their actions are taking on the victim. They view their partner’s discomfort as collateral damage in achieving their personal goals.

The Dangers of Machiavellianism in Relationships

The primary danger of Machiavellianism in relationships is the manipulation and control it fosters. The manipulator takes advantage of their partner's emotional investment, exploiting their vulnerabilities without regard for their well-being. Over time, the victim becomes so enmeshed in the relationship that they may begin to doubt their own perception of reality. The constant cycle of manipulation, sometimes including gaslighting (making the victim question their own sanity and perceptions), creates an emotional rollercoaster, leaving the victim exhausted and unsure of what is real or fabricated. These dynamics can lead to long-term emotional damage, leaving victims scarred and emotionally dependent on their abuser.

Breaking Free from a Machiavellian Relationship

Escaping from a relationship with a Machiavellian partner requires recognizing the manipulation for what it is. This can be extremely difficult, as the abuser often works to confuse the victim’s sense of reality and self-worth. To break free, the victim must start by setting firm boundaries, seeking support from trusted friends or family, and, if necessary, seeking professional help. Therapy, especially with someone trained in dealing with manipulative relationships, can help the victim untangle the emotional knots and gain clarity on the situation. It is crucial to understand that these promises are rarely genuine and are primarily used to maintain control and dependence.

The Psychological Profile of a Machiavellian Person

Machiavellian individuals often exhibit certain psychological traits, including a lack of empathy, a deep sense of entitlement, and a tendency to view others as tools to be used. They often operate from a place of insecurity, feeling the need to control others to compensate for their own feelings of inadequacy. This insecurity may be masked by an outward display of confidence or superiority. This need for control can lead to unhealthy relationships and, in extreme cases, abusive behavior. It’s important to understand that Machiavellianism is not just about conscious manipulation—it is deeply rooted in the individual’s worldview and often stems from unresolved psychological issues, such as childhood trauma or deep-seated fears of inadequacy. However, regardless of the underlying causes, the behavior remains harmful to both the individual and those around them.

Conclusion

Machiavellianism is a destructive trait that can severely harm both the person exhibiting it and their partners. The manipulative and controlling behavior typical of Machiavellianism undermines trust and mutual respect in relationships, leaving the victim feeling powerless and isolated. Recognizing the signs of Machiavellianism and seeking help is crucial for anyone trapped in a relationship with a manipulative partner. By setting boundaries, building self-esteem, and seeking professional support, individuals can break free from the cycle of manipulation and rebuild healthier relationships based on trust and mutual respect.