In the complex world of romantic relationships, it's easy to get lost in the mix of childhood complexes, manipulation, and the pursuit of "false needs." People often find themselves chasing affection and validation, using strategies like manipulation or even NLP techniques to get what they want—be it love, attention, or emotional attachment. The question becomes: how do you behave in a way that makes a man want to pursue you? Unfortunately, this question often misses the bigger picture. The psychology of men and relationships is far more intricate than simply trying to make someone "notice" or "love" you.

The Illusion of External Validation

Many people enter relationships with the belief that they will find fulfillment in someone else. This includes beliefs like: “I’m lonely, but marriage will solve this” or “I’m financially struggling, but a wealthy man will change my life.” These ideals set unrealistic expectations, creating an unbalanced dynamic where one partner is essentially a “parasite,” seeking to fill a void through the relationship.

The problem here is simple: self-worth should not depend on another person’s approval. When someone enters a relationship seeking external validation, it’s rarely healthy. In fact, men are often repelled by this kind of behavior. No one wants to feel like they’re being “milked” for their resources, whether it's emotional or material. True attraction comes from a place of self-sufficiency, where a woman is emotionally secure, and her value isn’t tied to the approval of a man.

The Power of Self-Sufficiency in Attraction

A self-sufficient woman who doesn’t rely on a man to fulfill all her emotional needs is undeniably attractive. This is because she has already “closed” her basic needs and doesn’t need to manipulate or chase someone for affection or material gain. Healthy relationships are based on mutual support and respect, not one-sided dependency. The key here is partnership—being with someone who adds value to your life without expecting you to fill in gaps they haven’t worked on themselves.

Men, just like women, have needs and desires. They want emotional comfort, affection, and companionship. However, they don’t need to be manipulated into providing these things. When both people come into the relationship as equals, free from the pressure of manipulation or unrealistic expectations, the attraction is natural and fulfilling.

Why Mutuality Is Essential in Relationships

Unfortunately, many relationships are built on a foundation of imbalance. One partner tries to “fix” or “save” the other, hoping that by doing so, they’ll receive the love they crave. However, when you approach relationships like this, you’re pouring water into a mug with a hole in the bottom. Mutuality—that is, a balanced exchange between both partners—is the foundation of any healthy relationship.

When a person seeks to resuscitate a relationship that has already died or chases after a man who is no longer interested, the cycle becomes unhealthy. As a psychologist, I often encounter situations where women come to me asking how to get their ex-partner back, or how to revive a relationship that has already run its course. The truth is: you can’t revive what’s already dead. Real change only happens when both people grow, learn, and meet each other at a new stage in their lives.

The Trap of Seeking Guarantees

Another common trap is women seeking guarantees or waiting for men to show unwavering commitment before they even enter into a relationship. Whether through manipulation, passive waiting, or playing games, these tactics do more harm than good. A relationship should never feel like a game, with one partner trying to manipulate the other into demonstrating their love or commitment.

Men may try to appease their partner’s needs, but if the woman’s expectations are rooted in insecurities or false beliefs about what love should look like, the relationship becomes imbalanced. What begins as a harmless pursuit soon escalates into a toxic dynamic where both partners feel trapped in an endless cycle of expectations and disappointments.

Emotional Manipulation: The Silent Killer of Relationships

Often, when someone tries to manipulate a partner into submission, they’re seeking to gain control over their partner’s emotions and actions. This isn’t just about playing hard to get, but about creating a false sense of worth by constantly keeping the other person guessing. Manipulation rarely leads to lasting love or fulfillment—it just creates a power struggle.

The reality is that men are not drawn to women who play these games. The cycle of trying to impress, prove worth, or manipulate someone into staying becomes exhausting, and over time, it leads to resentment. A man might stay in the relationship for a while, but it’s unlikely to last if the emotional manipulation continues.

The Importance of Boundaries in a Healthy Relationship

Setting personal boundaries is critical in any relationship. When you clearly define what is acceptable and what isn’t, you set the stage for a healthy, respectful connection. Without boundaries, the relationship becomes a breeding ground for resentment and power struggles. Men are drawn to women who have their own lives, who are not overly reliant on the relationship for validation.

By showing your partner that you value your own space, interests, and self-sufficiency, you become far more attractive. You’re not waiting for a man to fulfill your needs—you’re already doing that yourself, and a relationship becomes an additional, positive element of your life, not a necessity for survival.

The Subtle Art of Attracting a Man without Manipulating Him

The most effective way to attract a man isn’t by playing games or using manipulative strategies. It’s by being authentic, confident, and self-sufficient. Live your life fully, chase your passions, and don’t mold your existence around trying to please or impress someone else. Men are naturally drawn to women who have their own direction and purpose. This doesn't mean that you should be unattainable, but it does mean that your life is not revolving around someone else's approval.

When you stop playing games and start focusing on your own growth and happiness, you will naturally draw the right person toward you. The key is to stop chasing and start living. When you become comfortable with yourself and your needs, a man will be drawn to you—not because you’re manipulating him, but because he sees someone he can connect with on a real level.

Conclusion: Let Go of False Beliefs and Be the Woman He Wants

In the end, the right kind of relationship isn’t built on manipulation or false expectations. It’s built on mutual respect, understanding, and clear communication. Don’t fall into the trap of thinking that you need to “fix” or manipulate a relationship to make it work. Be the person you want to attract, and watch as the right kind of partner is drawn to you.

The best relationships are the ones where both people come together as individuals, confident and whole, ready to share their lives with one another without games, manipulation, or unrealistic expectations. If you’re not respected or valued for who you are, the relationship isn’t worth holding onto. Focus on yourself, grow, and the right partner will follow naturally.