I want to start this conversation with an important reminder: a person displaying narcissistic behavior often lives in a very different emotional world than most of us. On the surface, they may seem ridiculously confident, as if they genuinely believe they’re the most valuable individual on the planet. Underneath, however, lurks a fragile core, uneasy about how others see them. The core struggle for a narcissist is maintaining the illusion of superiority to mask a deeply fragile self-esteem and fear of inadequacy. This is often driven by a need for external validation to prop up this fragile sense of self.

How Narcissistic Self-Esteem Causes Turmoil

When a narcissist is in a relationship, they expect unwavering admiration. The moment a partner ceases to provide the expected admiration—perhaps through changes in their life or a shift in the dynamic—the narcissist may rationalize leaving the relationship. Psychologically, this ties to their constant need for narcissistic supply—external validation and admiration that confirms their inflated self-image. If that source of narcissistic supply diminishes or disappears, they may seek new sources of external validation. However, a significant trigger occurs if the ex-partner subsequently improves their life. This is perceived as a narcissistic injury, as it challenges the narcissist's sense of control and the belief that they were essential to the ex's well-being.

Why Regret Isn’t Really in Their Vocabulary

A healthy individual might feel remorse if they realize they judged someone too harshly or left for the wrong reasons. But for a narcissist, genuine regret implies admitting a mistake. And admitting mistakes eats away at that shaky self-esteem they fight so hard to protect. Instead of acknowledging any error, they’ll often lash out: belittle the ex or portray themselves as the real “winner” in the breakup. This is classic narcissistic behavior—insults and dismissal become easier than conceding that they miscalculated.

The Role of Anger and Contempt

Anger generally takes center stage whenever a narcissist confronts evidence that undermines their grand image. From a psychological perspective, anger and contempt function as defense mechanisms to protect them from experiencing deep-seated feelings of inadequacy and worthlessness, which may be experienced as shame. Maybe they discover the ex is enjoying life with someone new. Maybe the ex has become more attractive or is doing just fine on their own. To the narcissistic mind, that success is an insult, so they compensate through disdain, gossip, or attempts to sabotage. If they can’t physically drag the ex back down, they’ll verbally try to diminish that person’s worth. These behaviors are aimed at restoring a sense of internal stability and control, which they often equate with feeling superior.

The Endless Need for Emotional Validation

It’s essential to remember that people with these traits rarely gather friends or partners who outshine them. They often surround themselves with individuals who serve as sources of narcissistic supply or act as enablers, reinforcing their inflated self-image and allowing them to remain the center of attention. If the ex-partner suddenly outgrows that old dynamic, the narcissist’s self-esteem crumbles. That’s when they might try to “win back” the person—though not out of love or longing, but to confirm they’re still desirable. Once they receive that validation, they often revert to their previous patterns and might even discard the ex all over again.

So, Do They Ever Regret Losing You?

Regret, as most of us understand it, involves feeling sadness about a decision and wishing for a different outcome. For a narcissist, it’s more about feeling humiliated that someone they once undervalued has the nerve to shine. In their mind, this is less “I’m sorry I messed up” and more “How dare you be better off without me?” While it might superficially resemble regret, it lacks the key components of genuine remorse: empathy for the other person's pain and acceptance of personal responsibility. It's instead driven by hostility and a refusal to accept personal fault. They may experience fleeting moments of self-resentment, but they are highly unlikely to express or acknowledge these feelings. Instead, they’ll mask it with anger, ridicule, or a renewed attempt to dominate.

Understanding this dynamic won’t magically fix everything, but it can save you from internalizing their behavior. If you’ve ever been on the receiving end of a narcissist’s scorn, it’s not because you lacked worth. It’s because your growth or happiness clashes with their skewed self-image. So the real question is not whether they feel regret in the way you might hope; it’s whether you want to keep dancing around their never-ending need for validation. True closure often comes when you realize that regret, for them, doesn’t look anything like the sincere remorse you might expect. It’s driven by anger, bruised pride, and a craving to reassert superiority—never by genuine sorrow for losing a meaningful connection.