When we like someone, we often find ourselves interpreting every action they take as a sign of affection or romantic interest. A little jealousy? It must mean love. But what happens when those “signs” turn out to be just friendly gestures, or worse, warning signs? It's easy to get lost in the excitement of a budding relationship, but it's important to recognize when the green light is truly green—and when it's a red flag.

When Someone Doesn’t Respond to Messages: Is It Love or Indifference?

What It Looks Like: You might think that if someone doesn’t respond to your messages, it’s because they’re playing hard to get, and that it’s actually a sign that they like you but want to keep you guessing.

What It Really Is: In reality, being ignored can happen for many reasons. They might be genuinely busy, or they might be trying to spark your interest by leaving you in suspense. But it could also mean they’re not interested, and they don’t want to hurt your feelings by saying so outright. Psychologist Martin Nemko suggests that instead of guessing, it’s better to directly ask them what's going on. If you notice this pattern, try to have an honest conversation. It’s important to assess the entire communication, not just the moments of silence. Are there other signs of interest that make up for the cold moments? Or are you idealizing the situation because you want it to work?

The Roller Coaster of Emotions: Is It Passion or Instability?

What It Looks Like: When a person is warm and affectionate one moment, and cold or distant the next, it might seem like the intense emotional highs and lows are signs of passionate love.

What It Really Is: Psychologist Wendy Patrick explains that such emotional swings often indicate instability in a relationship, not necessarily intense affection. Emotional roller coasters are common in relationships where one partner has an anxious-avoidant attachment style. This pattern, often formed in childhood when parents were inconsistent, causes the individual to become emotionally unpredictable as an adult. The relationship becomes a tug-of-war between getting close and pushing away. Researcher Brian Ogolsky finds that couples who experience frequent emotional volatility are more likely to break up than those who maintain emotional stability.

Control vs. Care: When Attention Turns Into Possession

What It Looks Like: If your partner shows concern about where you are or who you’re with, you might interpret this as love and care. After all, they’re just looking out for you, right?

What It Really Is: Psychologist Lisa Frontes warns that when a partner tries to control your actions—deciding who you can talk to, what you wear, or where you go—this is not love, but manipulation. Over time, this behavior chips away at your sense of autonomy and self-worth. If you feel your opinions and boundaries are being undermined, this may be a sign of controlling behavior, not caring love. When your partner’s concern starts to feel like a demand or control, it’s crucial to recognize that your independence is being compromised.

Flirting with Others: An Invitation for Jealousy or a Test?

What It Looks Like: When your partner flirts with others in front of you, it might seem like they’re deliberately trying to make you jealous in order to gauge your feelings. This could feel like a way of drawing attention to themselves or testing your commitment.

What It Really Is: Psychologist David Bass argues that such behavior can be manipulative. Flirting with others might be a tactic used to measure how much emotional investment you’re putting into the relationship. Family therapist Laurie Gordon suggests that if you feel jealous, it’s essential to examine why you feel upset by this behavior and communicate those feelings calmly with your partner. Instead of accusing them, try to express how you feel: “I noticed you were friendly with someone else at the party, and it made me feel uncomfortable. Can we talk about that?” This way, you can open up the conversation without creating unnecessary conflict.

Unwarranted Jealousy: A Sign of Love or Fear of Abandonment?

What It Looks Like: A jealous partner may insist that their emotions stem from a deep love for you. They may question your interactions with others, convinced that someone is a threat to the relationship.

What It Really Is: Psychologists Stephanie Ortig and Francesco Bianchi-Demicheli differentiate between “normal” jealousy, which arises from real threats to the relationship, and “delusional” jealousy, which occurs even when no threat exists. Often, people with anxious attachment experience jealousy without cause, as they fear being abandoned or rejected. These insecurities can lead to over-possessiveness and unnecessary suspicion, damaging the relationship in the long run.

Unclear Intentions: When Someone Says They’re Interested But Doesn’t Commit

What It Looks Like: When someone expresses interest in you but never takes the next step to formalize the relationship, it can leave you wondering if they’re just shy or if they’re genuinely interested.

What It Really Is: According to psychologists Edward Lemay and Noah Wolfe, someone who expresses interest but doesn’t act on it may not actually be in love—they might just have friendly feelings or enjoy the attention. Sometimes, people project their hopes onto ambiguous situations, wishing for romantic intentions when they aren’t there. If you find yourself confused, it’s better to ask directly: “What do you mean when you say you're interested in me?” Clarifying intentions can save a lot of emotional energy and prevent you from building up expectations based on fantasies.

Conclusion: Interpreting Signs with Caution

In relationships, it’s easy to misinterpret actions based on our desires and emotional needs. While emotional vulnerability and care are essential in healthy relationships, it’s also important to differentiate between true affection and behaviors that reflect insecurity or manipulation. Pay attention to the overall dynamics of the relationship, and if something feels off, don’t hesitate to communicate openly. Being able to ask direct questions and set clear boundaries is key to navigating complex emotional signals and ensuring that your relationship remains grounded in respect and mutual understanding.