Feelings aren’t always comfortable, but ignoring or suppressing them can have negative consequences on both our minds and bodies. Psychologists often advise us to “live through our emotions,” but what exactly does that mean, and how do we do it? Let’s break it down, with insights from CPT therapist Kristina Prokofieva, to better understand why experiencing emotions is essential for our well-being—and how to go about doing it.

What Does It Mean to “Live Through an Emotion”?

Living through an emotion doesn’t mean simply experiencing it, but also fully acknowledging it, understanding its cause, and letting it move through you without holding onto it. To “live an emotion,” you need to recognize what you’re feeling, label it with a word, and explore why you’re feeling this way.

For example, if you’re feeling angry, don’t just push it away—acknowledge it. You might say to yourself, “I am feeling anger right now.” Then, think about why it’s happening. Often, emotions arise not from circumstances themselves, but from how we interpret those circumstances. Ask yourself, “Why am I feeling this way about what just happened? Is there another way to look at it?” This kind of introspection can help you understand and process the emotion better.

Why Should We Live Through Our Emotions?

Suppressing emotions might seem easier in the moment, but doing so can cause harm in the long run. When we push emotions down, they don’t disappear—they stay with us, causing stress and even physical health problems. Learning to accept and express emotions, on the other hand, helps us stay in touch with ourselves, reducing anxiety and increasing emotional resilience.

Living through emotions is also a crucial part of emotional regulation—the ability to manage how we react to various situations. By recognizing and processing emotions, we can choose how to respond, rather than being controlled by our feelings. This makes us more adaptable, healthier, and emotionally balanced.

How Can You Express Your Emotions Effectively?

Expressing an emotion can help reduce its intensity, but it’s not always enough to process it fully. You can express emotions in different ways: drawing, writing, engaging in physical activity, or even simply speaking about your feelings. Kristina Prokofieva suggests a method known as the “I-message”: for instance, instead of saying, “You always ignore me,” try saying, “I feel frustrated when I’m not heard in our conversations.” This approach allows you to express your feelings without accusing the other person, making it easier to resolve conflicts.

Physical expression, like punching a pillow or dancing, can also release pent-up emotions, but remember, expressing emotion doesn’t necessarily solve the underlying issue. It’s just one step in the process of truly living the emotion.

How to Live Through an Emotion Fully

Living through an emotion means experiencing it completely—from recognizing it to understanding it and ultimately letting it go. Here’s a simple step-by-step method you can follow to fully experience and release your emotions:

1. Identify the Emotion: What exactly are you feeling? Is it anger, sadness, frustration, fear? Name it clearly.
2. Rate the Intensity: On a scale from 1 to 10, how strong is this emotion right now?
3. Understand the Trigger: What circumstances or actions caused this emotion? Try to pinpoint the trigger, as emotions are often more about how we perceive things than about the events themselves.
4. Reflect on Your Attitude: How do you feel about the circumstances that triggered the emotion? How might your interpretation of the situation be contributing to your feelings?
5. Question Your Response: Does your current interpretation help or hurt you? Is there another way you could view the situation?
6. Reassess the Emotion: After processing the above steps, check in with yourself. Does the emotion feel less intense? Rate it again—has it decreased on your scale?

An Example of How to Analyze an Emotion

Let’s say you’ve just discovered that your partner has cheated on you. The emotions hit hard, but the key here is recognizing that your reaction stems from how you interpret the situation. Let’s walk through it:

1. Identify the Emotion: You realize you're angry.
2. Intensity: On a scale from 1 to 10, your anger is an 8.
3. Trigger: Your partner kissed someone else, and this betrayal feels like a violation.
4. Attitude Toward the Situation: You think, “This shouldn’t happen! It’s wrong!” The sense of “it shouldn’t be like this” fuels your anger.
5. Alternative Perspective: Instead of holding onto the belief that “this shouldn’t happen,” try to accept that people make mistakes, and infidelity is sometimes a reality in relationships. This shift could reduce the intensity of your anger.
6. Reassess the Emotion: After this reflection, your anger may decrease from an 8 to a 5. It’s not gone, but it’s more manageable.

How Do You Know When You’ve Really Lived Through an Emotion?

When you’ve successfully processed an emotion, you’ll likely feel a sense of relief. The emotional charge will lessen, and the intensity of the feeling will go down. Additionally, self-checks can help you determine if you’ve truly lived through it. For example, you can do a “body scan” from head to toe, asking yourself, “How do I feel in each part of my body?” If there’s no tension or discomfort, that’s a good sign that you’ve let the emotion move through you.

Is It Okay If Living Through Emotions Is Hard?

Yes, it’s completely normal to find it difficult. In fact, there are several reasons why dealing with emotions can feel challenging:

• Cultural and Childhood Beliefs: If you grew up in an environment where emotions were not discussed or were viewed as weaknesses (like anxiety being “bad”), you may have learned to suppress them.
• Past Traumatic Experiences: Traumatic events, like fear from childhood, can make it difficult to process similar emotions later in life. For example, if you were lost as a child and felt intense fear, any future situations that make you anxious might trigger that same response.
• Lack of Emotional Vocabulary: Many people struggle because they don’t know how to name what they’re feeling. In such cases, using resources like emotion wheels or speaking with a therapist can help build emotional literacy.

What Happens if You Don’t Live Through Your Emotions?

When emotions are suppressed, they accumulate like water in a cup. Eventually, the emotional “cup” overflows, leading to stress, anxiety, and burnout. If unprocessed emotions build up over time, they can cause fatigue, confusion about your desires, and even physical ailments. It’s impossible to eliminate emotions completely, but by acknowledging and releasing them, you prevent them from overtaking your life.

Why Learning to Live Through Your Emotions Matters

Living through your emotions is essential for emotional regulation—the ability to manage your feelings appropriately in different situations. By learning how to process your emotions, you become more resilient, able to handle life's ups and downs without letting negative feelings control your actions. Ultimately, this leads to a healthier, more fulfilling life, where you feel more in touch with yourself and your needs.

Conclusion: Emotional Freedom Through Awareness

Learning to live through your emotions takes practice, but the benefits are worth it. By acknowledging your feelings, reflecting on them, and letting them go, you become more emotionally balanced and in control. Understanding your emotions and managing them effectively helps build stronger relationships, improves your mental health, and allows you to thrive in all areas of life.