Many people dream of finding their soulmate—someone who understands them effortlessly completes their sentences, and mirrors their deepest emotions. Movies and TV shows bombard us with the idea of a perfect partner who will make us whole. However, psychology offers a far more grounded view of relationships and the concept of soulmates.

Where Did the Idea of Soulmates Come From?

The term “soulmate” comes from the English words soul and mate, describing a person with whom one shares a deep, almost magical connection. However, the roots of this concept go much further back. In Greek mythology, humans were once powerful, four-limbed beings. Angered by their strength, the gods split them in half, condemning each person to search for their lost “other half.” Finding this person, it was believed, would bring ultimate unity and harmony.

This idea evolved through history, gaining spiritual and romantic undertones. By the 16th century, hymns like the Jewish “Yedid Nefesh” (Beloved of the Soul) described an unshakable bond—not between humans, but between a person and the divine. Later, Romantic poets adopted the concept, presenting soulmates as essential to personal fulfillment. Writers like Samuel Coleridge suggested that spouses must be soulmates—deeply connected in spirit and character—for a marriage to be truly happy.

The Modern Idea of Soulmates

Fast forward to the 20th century, and the soulmate concept took on a new form. Spiritual movements, like those of Mark and Elizabeth Prophet, combined elements of Christianity and Buddhism to present romantic partners as “karmic twins”—individuals destined to unite under a divine plan. This spiritual framing romanticized relationships as predestined and perfect.

Pop culture soon followed suit. Movies, books, and TV shows began idealizing soulmates as the ultimate romantic or even platonic connection. Characters like Noah and Allie in The Notebook or Landon and Jamie in A Walk to Remember embody the idea of unconditional love—a love that defies time, tragedy, and even death. These stories are powerful and heartwarming, but they rarely reflect the complexities of real relationships.

Soulmates in Friendship: Bromance and Womance

The concept of soulmates isn’t limited to romance. Strong platonic relationships—sometimes described as bromance (for men) or womance (for women)—can also reflect deep emotional bonds.

For instance, Sherlock Holmes and John Watson in Sherlock are often seen as soulmates in friendship. Sherlock’s sharp mind and lack of empathy are perfectly balanced by Watson’s warmth and emotional intelligence. Similarly, Joey and Chandler from Friends complement each other through humor, loyalty, and mutual support, creating a bond that fans dream of having in real life.

The same can be said for female friendships. In Frances Ha, Frances and Sophie find comfort and support in one another, proving that soulmates can also come in the form of friendship. These examples remind us that soulmates are not limited to romantic partnerships but can exist wherever there is deep understanding and connection.

The Problem with the Soulmate Ideal

While pop culture presents the idea of soulmates as magical and uplifting, it can also set unrealistic expectations. Psychologists point out that the concept of a “one and only” person can lead to feelings of inadequacy or disappointment. What if you never find this mythical soulmate? Does that mean you are incomplete?

The pressure to find a soulmate can overshadow the importance of healthy, realistic relationships. According to psychotherapist Goali Saedi Bocci, believing in the “soulmate myth” may cause people to miss out on meaningful connections because they are too focused on perfection. She explains that a soulmate doesn’t have to be forever. People come into our lives for different reasons, teaching us valuable lessons and helping us grow. The idea that there is only one person who can complete you is simply unrealistic.

Another major flaw in the soulmate narrative is that it romanticizes unhealthy dynamics. Movies often depict relationships as all-consuming, where partners sacrifice their goals, individuality, and even happiness for the sake of love. This kind of dependency is not love; it’s a loss of self.

Healthy Relationships Aren’t About Perfection

In real life, healthy relationships—whether romantic or platonic—are not about finding someone who completes you. They are about finding someone who complements you. True intimacy is built on:

• Trust and emotional security;

• Mutual respect for each other’s individuality;

• Shared values and goals;

• Acceptance of both strengths and flaws.

Healthy love is not about sacrificing your identity to fit someone else’s needs. It’s about growing together, supporting each other, and feeling safe to be your authentic self. A partner or friend doesn’t have to be perfect—because none of us are.

You Are Complete on Your Own

The most harmful stereotype perpetuated by the soulmate myth is the idea that we are incomplete without someone else. Pop culture suggests that if we find our soulmate, we will magically become whole and happy. But the truth is, you are already whole as you are.

Happiness and fulfillment start from within. When you learn to find support, love, and contentment within yourself, relationships become an added joy—not a requirement to fill a void. Two complete people coming together can create something even greater: a partnership built on mutual respect, shared experiences, and healthy love.

Final Thoughts: Soulmates in Real Life

The phrase “they lived happily ever after” might work well in fairy tales, but real relationships are dynamic. They evolve, face challenges, and require effort. The key is not to find a perfect soulmate but to build a strong connection with someone whose values align with yours.

Instead of chasing an idealized version of a soulmate, focus on building meaningful relationships with people who understand and support you. Remember: you don’t need someone else to complete you—you are already enough. When you recognize that truth, every connection becomes richer, and love feels far more authentic.