Have you ever noticed someone crack a joke during a serious moment, or suddenly shift the conversation to the weather when emotions start to surface? Maybe you’ve even done it yourself without realizing it. This subtle avoidance of emotional or difficult topics has a name in Gestalt therapy—deflection. It’s a psychological defense mechanism that lets people sidestep the discomfort of direct confrontation with their feelings or challenging situations.

Let’s dig deeper into what deflection is, why we use it, and how it can shape our relationships and personal growth.

What Is Deflection?

Deflection comes from the Latin word deflectere, meaning “to turn aside.” That’s exactly what happens emotionally—a person turns away from addressing uncomfortable or distressing feelings head-on. Instead of diving into the raw honesty of a moment, they shift their focus to something safer or less emotionally charged.

In a way, deflection can act like a shield. It protects us from pain, conflict, or vulnerability, allowing us to maintain a sense of control and inner balance. But here’s the catch: while it may provide short-term relief, overusing deflection can lead to superficial connections and unresolved emotional baggage.

How Deflection Plays Out

Deflection is clever—it often disguises itself as humor, politeness, or practicality. For example, imagine someone asked about their feelings after a breakup. Instead of opening up, they respond with a light-hearted joke: “Well, at least I don’t have to share my pizza anymore!” It’s a distraction, designed to steer the conversation away from a place of vulnerability.

Another common form of deflection is sticking to safe, everyday topics. Think of someone who avoids talking about their emotional struggles by diving into discussions about grocery lists or the latest TV shows. These tactics might seem harmless, but over time, they can create emotional distance and make meaningful connections harder to achieve.

Why Do People Use Deflection?

There’s always a reason behind deflection. Often, it’s rooted in past experiences or fears:

• Unresolved childhood wounds: If someone grew up in an environment where emotions were dismissed or punished, they might have learned early on that expressing feelings is unsafe.
• Betrayal or broken trust: When trust has been shattered, deflection becomes a way to protect oneself from further emotional harm. The idea of getting close to someone again can feel risky, even dangerous.
• Fear of emotions: Some people fear their own feelings, worrying that expressing them might spiral into conflict or alienate others. Instead of confronting this fear, they deflect to keep interactions calm and controlled.

When Deflection Helps—And When It Hurts

Deflection isn’t inherently bad. In fact, there are times when it serves as a healthy coping mechanism. For instance, humor can lighten the mood in an overwhelming situation, giving someone the space they need to process their emotions privately.

But like any tool, deflection can backfire when overused. Avoiding tough conversations can lead to shallow relationships, unaddressed conflicts, and emotional isolation. The very discomfort deflection is trying to avoid ends up festering beneath the surface.

Finding Balance: Facing vs. Avoiding

The key to navigating deflection lies in balance. It’s about knowing when to use it as a temporary relief and when to lean into the discomfort of emotional honesty.

Start by observing your own patterns. Do you often change the subject when conversations get heavy? Do you rely on jokes to dodge vulnerability? Recognizing these habits is the first step toward growth.

From there, work on building your emotional resilience. Allow yourself to sit with discomfort, even if it’s just for a few seconds longer than usual. Over time, you’ll find that facing emotions directly isn’t as overwhelming as it seems—and it opens the door to deeper, more authentic connections.

Emotions Deserve Attention

Deflection may feel like a lifeline in moments of emotional discomfort, but it’s not the answer to long-term growth or healing. Learning to recognize and balance this defense mechanism is a powerful step toward emotional well-being and healthier relationships.

Remember, emotions aren’t the enemy—they’re signals, guiding you toward what needs attention and care. By choosing to face them rather than avoid them, you’ll discover a richer, more fulfilling emotional landscape.