We often learn to treat difficult emotions as something we should control, suppress, overcome, or “let go of.” We tell ourselves to move on, stop overthinking, calm down, forgive, or simply be positive. But emotions are not meaningless disturbances in our minds. They carry needs and understanding those needs can make a difference.

What Needs Might Be Beneath an Emotion?

The answer will not be the same for everyone. Still, certain patterns can help us become curious.

• Anger may sometimes arise around experiences of disrespect, injustice, violated boundaries, helplessness, or loss of control.
• Fear may be connected to a need for safety, certainty, protection, or preparation.
• Sadness may accompany loss and a need for comfort, connection, support, or time to grieve.
• Loneliness can draw attention toward the need for connection and belonging.
• Guilt may point toward a conflict between our behaviour and our values. When we try to opt for the identity given to us by people and sources around us while inherently we are different.
• Shame can become particularly painful when our need for acceptance feels threatened. When our insecurities become the subject matter for others.

So, emotions are subjective experiences. Experiences cannot be denied an invalidated.

If I'm saying that I am feeling cold while everyone keep saying they aren't, still my experience is valid because that's my state of mind, body and physiology.

Point to Ponder:

Stop distracting yourself for a while. Experience what your body wants to. Feel what you are avoiding or suppressing. Identity, understand and label your emotion. Think what need your emotions are carrying.