12 August 2026 07:12

“If they treated me badly, why do I still want them?”

Because knowing someone wasn't good for you and being emotionally attached to them are two different things.

You may still remember the moments when they made you feel loved, understood, wanted, or safe. Your mind doesn't simply delete those experiences because the relationship also hurt you. You may also miss the familiarity of having that person in your daily life — their messages, conversations, routines, and the feeling of having someone there.

Sometimes, you may even be attached to the potential of the relationship — the person you hoped they would become or the relationship you wished you could have had.

There can also be a strong emotional pull when a relationship has involved periods of closeness followed by hurt or disappointment. The good moments can make you keep hoping that things will return to how they were before.

So wanting them doesn't necessarily mean “they were right for me.”

It may simply mean:

“I became attached to them, and I'm still grieving the relationship I wanted.”

Before acting on that feeling, try asking yourself:

“Do I miss this person as they actually were, or do I miss how I felt during the good moments and what I hoped the relationship could become?”

That distinction can help you understand your feelings without allowing the feeling itself to make the decision for you.

Jecita Mary Francis

Clinical Psychologist, Counseling Psychologist, Counselor and Ps... Show more

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What are the benefits of a free consultation?

Getting to know the psychologist: You can talk to the psychologist to see if they are a good fit for you in terms of their work style, personality, and specialization.

Defining the problem: You can describe your problem in detail and get qualified advice from the psychologist, which will help you better understand the nature of your problem.

Developing a plan of action: You can get recommendations on how to solve your problem, which methods and approaches may be the most effective.

Feeling supported: You can get emotional support and feel that you are not alone, because the psychologist will listen to you attentively.

Who is a free consultation suitable for?

Those looking for a psychologist: A free consultation can help you make the right choice, as you can talk to several psychologists before making a final decision.

Those who are unsure whether they need psychotherapy: A free consultation can help you understand whether psychotherapy can help you solve your problem and whether it is right for you.

Those who have a limited budget: A free consultation is an opportunity to get qualified help from a psychologist for free, to see if you need further psychotherapy.

Those who may be nervous or hesitant to start psychotherapy: A free consultation gives you the opportunity to overcome your fear of the first meeting with a psychologist, get answers to your questions, and feel more confident.

Important:

A free consultation is not a substitute for psychotherapy.

In a free consultation, the psychologist cannot give you a final diagnosis or prescribe treatment.

The purpose of a free consultation is to help you determine if a psychologist and psychotherapy are right for you, and to give you the first steps to solving your problem.

Potential benefits of a free initial consultation

During this first session: potential clients have the chance to learn more about you and your approach before agreeing to work together.

Offering a free consultation will help you build trust with the client. It shows them that you want to give them a chance to make sure you are the right person to help them before they move forward. Additionally, you should also be confident that you can support your clients and that the client has problems that you can help them cope with. Also, you can avoid any ethical difficult situations about charging a client for a session in which you choose not to proceed based on fit.

We've found that people are more likely to proceed with therapy after a free consultation, as it lowers the barrier to starting the process. Many people starting therapy are apprehensive about the unknown, even if they've had sessions before. Our culture associates a "risk-free" mindset with free offers, helping people feel more comfortable during the initial conversation with a specialist.

It's important to note that the initial consultation differs from a typical therapy session:

It can last from 15 to 30 minutes, with the specialist determining the appropriate length for this introductory meeting.

The free initial consultation is not intended to be a full therapy session. It is an opportunity for the client to learn more about the specialist and their approach to therapy, and to decide whether they want to work together.

The specialist should set clear boundaries for the free initial consultation, including the length of the session and the topics that can be discussed.

The specialist should be prepared to answer questions from the client about their experience, training, and qualifications.

The specialist should not give specific advice or recommendations during the free initial consultation. This should be done during a paid session.