The Ben Franklin Effect: How Asking for a Favor Can Turn a Rival into a Friend

Imagine you’ve got a rival who seems determined to make your life difficult. Instead of flattering them or offering gifts, you ask for a small favor—say, to borrow a rare book. Risky? Maybe. Effective? Benjamin Franklin thought so. The story that bears his name captures a counterintuitive truth: when someone does you a favor, they often end up liking you more. Here’s why that works, what research actually says, and how to use it without feeling manipulative.

Franklin’s Small Ask, Big Shift

Facing a hostile political opponent, Franklin noticed the man owned a book he admired. He asked to borrow it, returned it promptly, and sent a gracious note. The rival’s hostility softened and, over time, turned into goodwill. The power of the move wasn’t the book—it was what the act of lending forced the rival to conclude about himself and about Franklin.

The Psychology Under the Hood

Two complementary theories explain the Ben Franklin Effect.

Cognitive dissonance (Festinger, 1957). People want their attitudes and actions to align. “I dislike him” clashes with “I did him a favor.” To resolve the tension, it’s easier to update the attitude than to rewrite the behavior in hindsight. The mind slides toward “He’s not so bad.”

Self-perception theory (Bem, 1972). Sometimes we infer what we feel from what we’ve done. “I helped this person; therefore I probably view them positively.” No inner conflict is required—just a tidy inference from behavior to attitude.

These accounts are not enemies; they’re lenses. In mild, everyday situations with weak prior attitudes, self-perception often fits. When feelings are stronger or stakes higher, dissonance can do more of the work.

What Experiments Actually Find

A classic study by Jecker and Landy (1969) showed that participants who returned a small “winnings” payment at the experimenter’s request later rated him as more likable than those who didn’t. In other words, doing a favor nudged attitudes upward.

Beyond favors per se, closely related evidence comes from advice-seeking. Asking for advice is a socially acceptable “small ask” that flatters competence. Brooks, Gino, and Schweitzer (2015) found that advice-givers tend to view advice-seekers as more competent and likable—precisely the social movement you want when thawing a cool relationship.

Reciprocity dynamics (Cialdini, 2001) help explain the stickiness: once someone has invested even a little effort, they feel some ownership of the relationship and behave consistently with that emerging story.

Why It Works Outside the Lab

The Ben Franklin Effect resonates because the request feels natural, human, and non-performative. A modest favor creates a moment of shared agency and positive distinctiveness: “I helped; I’m useful; this connection matters.” Unlike flattery or gifts, a small ask rarely rings false, and it gives the other person authorship in the improving relationship.

Using It Well (Without Being Weird)

Start where the relationship can bear it. Choose something easy to grant and meaningful enough to register—brief feedback on a paragraph, a pointer to a resource, a quick sanity check on a plan. Make it voluntary and specific. Follow up promptly with genuine thanks. Give the person space before the next request; a cadence of occasional, reasonable asks is better than a cluster that feels like a squeeze.

Be attentive to power and context. If there’s a large status gap, a request can feel like pressure rather than trust. In cultures that prize modesty or tight in-group norms, the first move may need to be smaller or preceded by rapport. And if someone already holds a strong negative view, one favor won’t flip a switch; slow, repeated, low-friction cooperation works better.

Limits and Misfires

It’s not a magic wand. Overly costly requests backfire; coerced “favors” breed reactance; transactional framing kills the effect. Attitude shifts are typically modest and context-dependent—use the effect to open a door, not to bulldoze a wall.

Everyday Sightings

A colleague who proofreads a paragraph is likelier to check in later. A neighbor who lends a tool tends to smile more the next time you meet. On forums and in professional communities, people who answer one specific question often become informal mentors. In each case, the small act of help rewrites the story both parties tell themselves about the relationship.

Wrapping Up (Back to the Book)

Franklin’s true genius wasn’t charm; it was designing the smallest possible action that let his rival see himself as a collaborator rather than an enemy. The borrowed book was a mirror: by acting like a friend, the rival began to feel like one. If you need to build a bridge, you don’t always have to give—you can ask. Make the request small, sincere, and easy to honor. Return it quickly. Say thank you. Then let the story do the rest.

Sources

• Festinger, L. (1957). A Theory of Cognitive Dissonance. Stanford University Press.
• Jecker, J., & Landy, D. (1969). Liking a person as a function of doing him a favor. Human Relations, 22(4), 371–378.
• Bem, D. J. (1972). Self-perception theory. In L. Berkowitz (Ed.), Advances in Experimental Social Psychology (Vol. 6, pp. 1–62). Academic Press.
• Brooks, A. W., Gino, F., & Schweitzer, M. E. (2015). Smart people ask for (my) advice: Seeking advice boosts perceptions of competence. Management Science, 61(6), 1421–1435.
• Cialdini, R. B. (2001). Influence: Science and Practice (4th ed.). Allyn & Bacon.