Self-Care for Therapists: Why the Usual Approach Isn't Enough

Self-care is a ubiquitous topic these days, and generally, that is a positive shift—we absolutely need to focus on our well-being. As psychologists, we are even ethically required to make it a priority, according to our professional guidelines. However, something often feels off about how this concept is presented in popular culture. It tends to appear as a series of tidy, feel-good activities: treating yourself to a relaxing evening, a spa day, or a quick break. While those moments can certainly provide relief, they rarely capture the full picture. We need to ask: What if self-care is not mainly about specific actions, but about a deeper, foundational mindset?

What Self-Care Truly Means

At its core, self-care is about recognizing your own inherent worth and ensuring your needs remain a legitimate item on your list of life priorities. It is a holistic approach where you commit to supporting your emotional, physical, and overall health. The specific behaviors may shift depending on what you need in the moment—they are not the same for everyone, and they do not have to follow a rigid formula.

This perspective moves us away from viewing self-care as a checklist of "luxuries." Consider the basics: eating a meal when you are hungry is a profound act of caring for yourself because it sustains your existence. Many daily choices that keep us functional fall under this umbrella. It is less helpful to label only "special" activities as self-care and more useful to examine the bigger pattern of your life. We must ask ourselves: In recent days or weeks, how much of my time and energy has explicitly gone toward supporting my own well-being?

There is no perfect percentage or ratio that works for everyone. Some weeks might demand we focus more on others—clients, family, or community—and that is acceptable if it aligns with your values. The key is checking for consistency: Are you placing value on yourself amidst the noise of everything else?

The Danger of a Transactional View

Sometimes self-care is framed as little pockets of "me time" designed solely to balance out the rest of life. This creates a transactional view: we give to work or relationships, deplete ourselves, and then "buy back" energy with self-care. While life involves give-and-take, viewing well-being strictly as a transaction can oversimplify the human experience. It often leads to ignoring deeper, systemic issues. We might find ourselves trying to offset massive stress with minor relaxation techniques, rather than addressing what is causing the stress in the first place.

This dynamic is frequently observed in demanding professions, such as therapy. The work is inherently stressful; we hold space for heavy emotions and complex responsibilities. Most of us choose this path because we are drawn by a deep sense of purpose. However, when the stress feels overwhelming, jumping straight to typical coping strategies (like taking a day off) might miss the point. It is vital to pause and examine the source.

• Is this the expected level of challenge? Or has the baseline shifted?
• Do boundaries need adjusting? Are we overextending in ways that "relaxation" cannot fix?
• Are external factors unreasonable? Sometimes the workload or treatment from others is the problem, not our lack of resilience.

Addressing these root causes—setting firm limits, seeking structural changes, or reconnecting with the meaning of the work—are powerful acts of self-care. They go much further than surface-level fixes, helping to sustain us for the long term.

Why We Need Others in This Process

Perhaps the most critical oversight in the standard view of self-care is the idea that we must do it alone. Research indicates that professionals often struggle to accurately assess their own competence or well-being when they are in the thick of stress. We all have "blind spots"; we might not notice the early signs of burnout or know exactly what support we need until it is too late.

This is why a community-oriented approach is essential. We need to build networks of trusted colleagues—a "competence constellation"—who can check in, offer objective perspectives, and help us stay on track. Creating spaces where honest, vulnerable feedback feels safe turns self-care into a shared responsibility, reducing the isolation that comes with trying to handle heavy burdens alone.

Ultimately, shifting toward this mindset—prioritizing ourselves thoughtfully, tackling issues at their source, and leaning on community—feels more sustainable than any spa day. It invites us to reflect: Where do we stand in our own list of priorities right now? Making that adjustment, even in small steps, can bring a deeper sense of balance and strength.

References

• Barnett, J. E., & Homany, G. (2022). The new self-care: It's not all about you. Practice Innovations, 7(4), 313–326. https://doi.org/10.1037/pri0000190
  Annotation: This piece explains how clinicians often have difficulty recognizing when their competence is impaired. It suggests building a support network of colleagues for ongoing assessment and mutual help, moving away from the "individualistic" model of self-care toward a communitarian one.
• American Psychological Association. (2017). Ethical principles of psychologists and code of conduct (including 2010 and 2016 amendments). https://www.apa.org/ethics/code
  Annotation: Standard 2.06 requires psychologists to monitor their own personal problems and conflicts that might impair competence, mandating action when needed to protect clients and maintain professional standards.