Eric Berne’s Test: Are You a Child, Adult, or Parent in Communication?

Have you ever thought about how you interact with others? Sometimes you’re serious and responsible, other times playful and carefree, or maybe you find yourself giving advice and caring like a parent. These aren’t just moods—they’re three states of our “self” described by psychologist Eric Berne in his theory of transactional analysis. He believed every conversation is a “transaction,” an exchange where we act as a Child, Adult, or Parent. These states, also known as ego states, are part of everyone, and a mature person switches between them depending on the situation. Want to find out which one you lean into most? Take this test!

Eric Berne, a Canadian psychiatrist, developed transactional analysis in the 1950s. His idea is simple: how we communicate depends on which “self” state we’re in. The Child is all about emotions, spontaneity, sometimes whims or joy, like a kid. The Adult is logical, calm, and focused on analyzing and solving problems. The Parent is caring, controlling, or instructive, like a parent with a child. Here’s the thing—these states aren’t about age but behavior. A boss might throw a tantrum like a Child, while a teenager can reason like an Adult. Berne said that when two people are in the same state (like Adult with Adult), communication flows smoothly (a complementary transaction). But if one’s in Child mode and the other’s in Parent, things can get messy (a crossed transaction). Psychologists use this theory in therapy to help people understand themselves and others better.

The test is straightforward: you’ll rate 15 statements about how you usually act or feel in communication. For each, pick how much it describes you on a scale from 1 to 5:

• 1 – Completely disagree
• 2 – Disagree
• 3 – Hard to say
• 4 – Agree
• 5 – Completely agree

Write down numbers 1 to 15 on a piece of paper and note your scores next to each. It’ll take about 5-7 minutes. Then we’ll figure out which state dominates for you.

Here are the statements:

1. I often feel joy and want to share it with others.
2. I make decisions by weighing all the pros and cons.
3. I like giving advice, even when no one asks for it.
4. I sometimes act impulsively without thinking about consequences.
5. I try to be objective and rely on facts.
6. I often feel the need to control situations or others.
7. I enjoy joking and having fun in a group.
8. In conflicts, I look for a compromise rather than a win.
9. I believe people should follow rules and order.
10. I sometimes feel helpless and want someone to help me.
11. I analyze situations before saying or doing something.
12. I often worry about others and want to protect them.
13. I love experimenting and trying new things without fear.
14. In conversations, I try to be fair and listen to everyone.
15. I feel like I know what’s best for others.

Done? Now let’s calculate. Each role—Child, Adult, Parent—has 5 statements. Add up the scores for each role:

• Child: statements 1, 4, 7, 10, 13
• Adult: statements 2, 5, 8, 11, 14
• Parent: statements 3, 6, 9, 12, 15

For each role, sum the scores (max 25). Then divide by 5 to get the average score. For example, if your Child score is 20, your average is 20 ÷ 5 = 4. Here’s a guide:

• 1-2 – Low level (this role is weak)
• 3 – Average (you use this role like most people)
• 4-5 – High (this role is strong for you)

The highest average score shows your dominant state. If the scores are close, you’re flexible in switching roles, which is great!

What Do the Results Mean?

Child (high score, 4-5): You’re spontaneous, emotional, and love joy and adventure. This gives you charisma and creativity, but you might come off as unserious or dependent on others. For example, you might throw an all-night party but forget an important meeting. Try adding a bit of planning to balance it out.

Adult (high score, 4-5): You’re logical, calm, and seek facts and compromises. This is perfect for work or resolving conflicts, but you might lack emotion or playfulness at times. You’re the one who calmly sorts out arguments but may rarely let yourself “go wild.”

Parent (high score, 4-5): You’re caring, love giving advice, and tend to control things. This is great for leadership or supporting others, but you might seem overly preachy. For instance, you could organize a whole family event but annoy people if they don’t follow your “rules.”

If one role dominates heavily, consider if it’s holding you back. Too much Child can make you seem immature; too much Parent can make you strict. Ideally, you balance them: Adult for decisions, Child for joy, Parent for care. Fun fact: Berne said conflicts often happen when states don’t align—like one person yelling (Child) while another lectures (Parent). Try noticing your states in conversations; it can help you get along better. This test is used in therapy and training to improve communication. If the results surprise you, observe yourself in real-life situations—it might be eye-opening!