The Five Love Languages Test: How Do You Feel Loved?

I’ve always found it fascinating how people show and feel love in such different ways. Some of us melt when we receive a heartfelt note, while others light up from a big hug or a thoughtful gift. That’s the idea behind the Five Love Languages, a concept from Gary Chapman’s bestselling book. He suggests that everyone has a primary “love language”—the way we most naturally give and want to receive love. It’s like we’re all speaking different dialects of affection, and understanding yours can make relationships so much clearer. I love this test because it’s simple, quick, and helps you figure out what makes you feel truly cared for and cherished.

In his research, Chapman suggests that knowing your love language, as well as your partner’s, can help you connect on a deeper level. This is because we often give love the way we prefer to receive it, but that might not match what our partner truly needs to feel loved. I took this test a while back, and it was a bit of a surprise. I thought I was all about quality time, but my score leaned heavily toward words of affirmation. It made me realize how much I value when someone verbally tells me they appreciate me.

The Love Language Test

The test consists of 30 pairs of statements. For each pair, simply pick the one that feels more “you”—the one you would prefer from your partner. It takes about 3 minutes if you go with your gut feeling. At the end, you’ll tally up your choices to find your primary love language. It’s not about right or wrong—it’s about noticing what fills your heart the most. You can jot down your choices on paper or keep track mentally. Just think about what makes you feel most loved.

For each pair below, choose the statement that resonates more with you and note its corresponding letter: A = Words of Affirmation, B = Quality Time, C = Receiving Gifts, D = Acts of Service, or E = Physical Touch.

1. I feel loved when my partner writes me a heartfelt note. (A) OR I feel loved when my partner gives me their undivided attention. (B)
2. I feel loved when my partner surprises me with a gift. (C) OR I feel loved when my partner does something helpful, like running an errand. (D)
3. I feel loved when my partner holds my hand or hugs me. (E) OR I feel loved when my partner tells me how much they appreciate me. (A)
4. I feel loved when my partner plans a special day just for us. (B) OR I feel loved when my partner helps me with a task I’m struggling with. (D)
5. I feel loved when my partner gives me a thoughtful present. (C) OR I feel loved when my partner cuddles with me. (E)
6. I feel loved when my partner compliments my efforts. (A) OR I feel loved when my partner spends time doing something I enjoy. (B)
7. I feel loved when my partner takes care of something I don’t like doing. (D) OR I feel loved when my partner gives me a meaningful gift. (C)
8. I feel loved when my partner touches me affectionately. (E) OR I feel loved when my partner says encouraging words. (A)
9. I feel loved when my partner plans a trip or outing for us. (B) OR I feel loved when my partner surprises me with a small token of affection. (C)
10. I feel loved when my partner does a chore without being asked. (D) OR I feel loved when my partner holds me close. (E)
11. I feel loved when my partner tells me they’re proud of me. (A) OR I feel loved when my partner spends a whole evening just talking with me. (B)
12. I feel loved when my partner gives me a gift that shows they know me. (C) OR I feel loved when my partner helps me finish a project. (D)
13. I feel loved when my partner gives me a warm hug. (E) OR I feel loved when my partner writes me something sweet. (A)
14. I feel loved when my partner plans quality time just for us. (B) OR I feel loved when my partner does something practical to help me out. (D)
15. I feel loved when my partner surprises me with a thoughtful gift. (C) OR I feel loved when my partner touches me gently during a conversation. (E)
16. I feel loved when my partner says something kind about my personality. (A) OR I feel loved when my partner spends time with me doing something fun. (B)
17. I feel loved when my partner takes care of something I’ve been stressed about. (D) OR I feel loved when my partner gives me a gift just because. (C)
18. I feel loved when my partner holds my hand while we’re out together. (E) OR I feel loved when my partner tells me they value me. (A)
19. I feel loved when my partner plans a special evening for us. (B) OR I feel loved when my partner surprises me with something I’ve wanted. (C)
20. I feel loved when my partner helps me with something important. (D) OR I feel loved when my partner gives me a long hug. (E)
21. I feel loved when my partner writes me a meaningful message. (A) OR I feel loved when my partner spends uninterrupted time with me. (B)
22. I feel loved when my partner gives me a gift that feels personal. (C) OR I feel loved when my partner does something to make my day easier. (D)
23. I feel loved when my partner touches me affectionately. (E) OR I feel loved when my partner compliments my strengths. (A)
24. I feel loved when my partner plans a day to do something we both enjoy. (B) OR I feel loved when my partner helps me with a task without me asking. (D)
25. I feel loved when my partner surprises me with a small gift. (C) OR I feel loved when my partner holds me close when I’m upset. (E)
26. I feel loved when my partner tells me they admire me. (A) OR I feel loved when my partner spends time listening to me. (B)
27. I feel loved when my partner does something thoughtful, like fixing something for me. (D) OR I feel loved when my partner gives me a gift that shows they thought about me. (C)
28. I feel loved when my partner gives me a warm embrace. (E) OR I feel loved when my partner says something encouraging. (A)
29. I feel loved when my partner plans a special activity for us. (B) OR I feel loved when my partner surprises me with something meaningful. (C)
30. I feel loved when my partner helps me with something I’m struggling with. (D) OR I feel loved when my partner holds my hand or touches me gently. (E)

How to Score and Understand Your Results

To find your primary love language, count how many times you chose each letter (A, B, C, D, and E). The letter with the highest score indicates your primary love language. If two scores are very close, you might have a mix of two primary languages. Here is what each one means:

• Words of Affirmation (A): You feel most loved when your partner says kind, encouraging, or appreciative things. Unsolicited compliments, hearing "I love you," and words of support mean the world to you.
• Quality Time (B): You feel most loved when your partner gives you their full and undivided attention or plans special time together. This is about being present, with no distractions.
• Receiving Gifts (C): You feel most loved when your partner gives you thoughtful presents that show they care and were thinking of you. The gift itself is a tangible symbol of love.
• Acts of Service (D): You feel most loved when your partner does practical things to help you, like handling chores, running errands, or taking care of tasks to ease your burden. For you, actions speak louder than words.
• Physical Touch (E): You feel most loved through physical gestures like hugs, kisses, holding hands, and other forms of affectionate touch. Physical closeness and connection are essential for you to feel secure and loved.

This test isn’t about judging your relationship—it’s like a window into what makes you feel uniquely loved. I’ve seen couples take it and have an "aha!" moment, realizing they’ve been missing each other’s signals, like one partner wanting words while the other consistently gives gifts. If your love language is different from your partner’s, it’s a wonderful opportunity to talk about how you can both better meet each other’s emotional needs. Chapman’s work shows that understanding these languages can make relationships stronger by helping you learn to “speak” the love your partner craves. Give it a try and see what your love language is. It might spark a new way to connect with your partner or just help you understand yourself a bit better.

Reference

• Chapman, G. (1992). The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts. Northfield Publishing.
  This is the foundational book that introduced the concept of the Five Love Languages. Dr. Gary Chapman, a counselor with decades of experience, outlines the five primary ways people give and receive love and provides guidance for couples to identify and speak each other's language to build a stronger relationship.