Why Looking Forward Is the Only Option for the Modern Woman

A Life of Unique Hurdles

The First Hurdle: Before Birth. A woman's first struggle can begin before she is even born. The concept of selective abortions—terminating a pregnancy because the fetus is female—remains a grim reality in certain parts of the world. The preference for sons is so strong in some cultures that it has led to significant demographic imbalances. The situation has become so severe that some countries have legally banned medical professionals from revealing the sex of a fetus to the parents, fearing that the information will lead directly to an abortion. So, the very first problem a girl may face is the risk of being denied life simply because she is a girl.

Childhood's Shadow. There is a deeply troubling issue that casts a long shadow over girlhood: an unhealthy interest from some of the men in a young girl’s life. One doesn't need to be a psychologist for long to hear countless stories from adult clients about a grandfather, an uncle, a stepfather, or a drunken family friend. These encounters, varying in their severity, often happen when parents are distracted or asleep, leaving a legacy of trauma that can shape a woman's entire adult life. The generation of women who are now in their 30s and 40s grew up in a time when this seemed to be a terrible epidemic. Whether things have improved for the current generation of girls is a question we will only be able to answer in another 20 years. The psychological fallout from such early experiences is a vast and terribly sad topic in itself.

The Condescending Gaze in Education. Even in the pursuit of knowledge, women can face a subtle, condescending attitude. Imagine a professor at a prestigious university in the 1990s, walking into a lecture hall filled with a hundred female students and one male student. He begins his lecture by announcing, "Today I am giving this lecture for one person." This anecdote illustrates a real phenomenon. While no one would think to discriminate against men in fields dominated by women, like philology, the reverse is often not true. In disciplines like mathematics or physics, a dismissive attitude towards female students has often been treated as normal. A woman in such an environment must work twice as hard—to learn, to earn her diploma, and to prove her worth in a way her male peers never have to.

Society's Contradictory Demands. Perhaps one of the most psychologically taxing challenges is the constant barrage of contradictory signals society sends to women. Be strong, but be weak. Be compliant, but be strong-willed. Be beautiful, but don’t spend too much time or money on it. Have the body of a youth but the mind of a sage. Build a successful career, but not too successful, lest you overshadow a man. Be a sexual being, but remain modest and inexperienced. These impossible, conflicting expectations create a kind of psychological trap, disorganizing a woman's sense of self and fostering deep-seated neurosis.

The Tyranny of Appearance. For decades, the ideal of female beauty was dictated by a singular, unattainable standard presented in magazines and on television: a young, thin, yet curvy white woman with flawless features. For generations of women, this was the only mirror held up to them. If you fit, you were lucky; if you didn't, you were flawed. The truth is, no one could truly fit, because the images were perfected with tools like Photoshop. The psychological damage caused by this—the problems with body image and self-worth—has been immense. Thankfully, today's younger generation seems to be growing up in a slightly kinder world. Raised in the internet age, they are more aware of filters, digital manipulation, and the beautiful diversity of human appearance. The problem hasn't vanished, but the grip of that single, impossible ideal has loosened.

The Penalties of Womanhood

The Motherhood Penalty. This is a specific economic phenomenon affecting only women. When a woman takes time off from her career for maternity leave, she often returns to find that her colleagues who did not take leave have moved up the ladder. She may return to her old position, but in a world where business moves fast, she's often ten steps behind. Her career progression slows, and her lifetime earnings suffer. For a man, having a child can often be a career motivator, leading to promotions and higher pay. For a woman, it frequently acts as a penalty.

The Pay Gap. On average, women still earn significantly less than men—a gap often cited at around 30%. This isn't typically because a male librarian and a female librarian are paid different salaries for the exact same job. The gap emerges from the structure of career progression. Men tend to advance faster and occupy more senior roles within organizations. For example, while women may form the majority of doctors in a hospital, the department heads are split more evenly, and the vast majority of highly-paid chief physicians are men. This "glass ceiling" effect, repeated across industries, creates a substantial income disparity over a lifetime.

The Weight of Single Motherhood. After a divorce, the child stays with the mother in the overwhelming majority of cases—some statistics place it as high as 94% of the time. This places an immense burden on women. A man can re-enter the dating world the day after a separation. A woman, however, must structure her entire life around her child. Simple things like going on a date require complex arrangements for childcare. Furthermore, the financial support from ex-husbands is often meager or nonexistent. The reality for most single mothers is an enormous technical and logistical load combined with a miserable financial situation.

The Experience of the Female Body. Simply living in a female body is, on average, more biologically complex than living in a male one. The female hormonal system is designed for the monumental task of childbearing, making it more intricate. And the more complex a system is, the more opportunities there are for it to malfunction. This is why the typical patient of an endocrinologist is a woman. The lifelong biological realities include monthly menstruation, with its associated pain and mood swings, followed by menopause, which can trigger depression for those who do not undergo hormone replacement therapy. Even in modern reproductive medicine, the burden is unequal. For a couple to undergo IVF, the woman must endure hormone stimulation, invasive procedures, and general anesthesia. The man's contribution is often minimal in comparison. The physical toll of reproduction falls almost entirely on the woman.

The Final Chapter: Loneliness. To top it all off, in about 80% of cases, women end their lives alone. Women live, on average, about 10 years longer than men. But those extra years are very often spent in solitude, having outlived their partners. Tracing this arc—from the risk of selective abortion before birth, through a lifetime of unique social and biological challenges, to a final decade of loneliness—paints a somber picture.

Three Recommendations for the Modern Woman

As a psychologist, I feel it's essential to end not with despair, but with practical advice.

1. Realize the World You Live In.
   For all the problems listed, today is still the best time in all of human history to be a woman. Every single issue discussed was a thousand times worse 100, 200, or 10,000 years ago. It's crucial to recognize this. Many people still operate with an outdated mindset, clinging to ideas like "a woman's happiness is finding a good man." This isn't femininity; it's infantilism. The idea that you shouldn't have to make decisions, build a career, or be independent is a child's worldview being sold to adults.
2. Plan for Autonomy.
   Professional experience shows a stark difference between the lives of women who are economically independent and those who are dependent on a partner. An independent woman—with her own career, income, and resources—has the profound luxury of making her own decisions. She doesn't have to compromise endlessly or tolerate mistreatment because she has no other choice. A dependent woman risks losing everything if the relationship fails. If you have the potential to build a career, pursue it. Economic independence is a form of power and security that will never betray you.
3. Look Forward, Not Back.
   The overarching global trend of the last 120 years has been one of women gaining power and taking on equal responsibility in managing the world. Imagine being born in 1890. Your entire life would have been dictated by men. Today, women can fulfill all of those roles themselves. There is a clear, positive historical trajectory for women: stepping onto the same pedestal as men. So, look forward. And if you are raising a daughter, raise her for the world she will actually live in, not with the outdated models of the world we've left behind.

References for Further Reading

• Correll, Shelley J., Stephen Benard, and In Paik. "Getting a job: Is there a motherhood penalty?" American Journal of Sociology 112, no. 5 (2007): 1297-1339.
  This foundational study provides strong evidence for the "motherhood penalty." The researchers demonstrated that mothers are systematically disadvantaged in the workplace, being perceived as less competent and offered lower starting salaries compared to non-mothers and men.
• UN Women. Progress of the World's Women 2019-2020: Families in a Changing World. New York: UN Women, 2019.
  This report explores how families are changing globally and analyzes the laws and policies that affect them. It directly addresses the unequal burden of care work, the economic vulnerability of single-mother households (see Chapter 3), and the persistence of gender-based inequalities.
• World Economic Forum. Global Gender Gap Report 2024. Geneva: World Economic Forum, 2024.
  This annual report benchmarks countries on their progress towards gender parity. It consistently highlights the persistent global pay gap and the underrepresentation of women in leadership roles, providing robust statistical evidence for the phenomena described in the article.