The Invisible Scripts That Run Your Life

We often hear the echoes of the past in our present. “Why are you aiming for that prestigious university? Come study at our local one.” “You can’t enjoy your work in America; it’s practically impossible.” “This is the only way to build a real life.” These are more than just words; they can be invisible scripts, handed down through generations, shaping our choices long after they were first spoken. We call them “genetic programs,” powerful forces that operate beneath the surface of our awareness. Let's take a closer look at what they are and how they direct our lives.

The Genetic Blueprint and Its Switches

The first and most fundamental program is our genetics. This is the hardware we’re born with, the DNA we can’t escape or change. But this is not the end of the story. There is also epigenetics—the remarkable ability of our genes to be turned "on" or "off" by our environment and experiences. While we can't change our genes, we can sometimes influence their expression through our lifestyle, diet, and living conditions.

A classic example of this is the dopamine receptor gene, DRD2. For many, this gene remains inactive. However, it can be activated by early life experiences. If a child under the age of four experiences a significant lack of emotional connection—perhaps they were given to a grandparent or nanny too early, spent a long time in a hospital without parental warmth, or felt overlooked after the birth of a sibling—they can develop what is known as insecure attachment.

This isn't just about becoming an introverted child who prefers to be alone. The activation of the DRD2 gene can have profound physiological consequences. In a typical stress response, adrenaline and blood glucose rise, preparing the body to fight, flee, or focus. This is our survival mechanism at work. But for a person with an active DRD2 gene, the opposite can happen. Under stress, their cortisol levels may drop, and blood glucose can flatline or even decrease. Their body understands the need for action, for strength, but the fuel isn't there. It’s like an engine sputtering and stalling just when you need to accelerate.

This internal state creates an almost irresistible urge to find a quick source of energy, usually something sweet. This is the root of emotional overeating. Many experts believe that the widespread issues of excess weight and the prevalence of panic attacks in Western societies are, in part, consequences of the activation of this single gene, triggered by early life experiences.

Family and Cultural Echoes

The second layer of programming comes from our family and cultural environment. These are the patterns we absorb by watching those closest to us. If a boy grows up in a home with a downtrodden mother and a harsh, overbearing father, he is more likely to seek out a partner who will tolerate similar behavior. A girl in the same environment may become accustomed to this dynamic and subconsciously seek it out in her own relationships.

These patterns extend beyond the immediate family to our broader culture. Different cultures operate on different sets of unspoken rules. Families from different cultural backgrounds can have fundamentally different levels of hormones like androgens and testosterone, or neurotransmitters like serotonin. These biological differences influence everything from family structures and gender roles to the very way people express themselves, even in national dances.

The third layer is the programming of ideology and collective belief. Think of the cultural mindset that developed in some societies where it was advantageous to be seen as sick or unhappy. In such an environment, complaining and highlighting one's hardships could bring benefits—sympathy, support, or even tangible rewards like priority access to resources. In contrast, other cultures foster a cult of success, where admitting struggle is taboo. If you talk about how bad things are, people may distance themselves, fearing you might drag them down.

We see this in the mentality of deferring happiness. Our parents or grandparents might have lived by the motto, “We’ll buy a nice apartment then we’ll be happy,” or “I’ll get married then my life will begin.” They put life on hold, always waiting for a future that never quite arrived. Sadly, many of us continue this pattern, telling ourselves we’ll finally be happy once we find the right partner, get the right job, or reach the next milestone. This is a limiting belief—an idea planted in our minds that can live with us for a lifetime, like a dormant virus.

The Problematic Patterns We Inherit

These ancestral programs often manifest as recurring problems. We can identify a few common types:

1. Tyranny and Dependence. This is a dynamic where one person’s interests, values, and personal space are ignored. It can be a man dominating a woman, or a strong-willed woman dominating a man. The flip side of this is dependence, which can include addictions to substances like drugs or alcohol. While a predisposition to addiction can be genetic, linked to dopamine levels, it is also a learned behavior. A child who loves an alcoholic parent may imitate them, while a child who hates them may develop a conflicting, opposite behavior, vowing never to drink.
2. Betrayal and Unhappy Love. Patterns of infidelity, abandonment, and renunciation of family often repeat through generations. Children who never witnessed a healthy, loving relationship lack a positive example to follow. When parents say they are staying together "for the children" despite there being nothing left between them, they must consider the real lesson they are teaching. The most important thing you can do for your children is to be happy yourselves. It is better for them to see two good examples of happy individuals apart than one bad example of misery together.
3. Unfulfillment. This happens when someone continues a family dynasty or career path against their own inner calling. A person’s genetic combination might make them completely different from their parents. Yet, if they cannot hear their own desires, they follow the recommended path. Dad said dentists earn a lot, so they go to dental school. Only after a decade of training and practice do they realize the profession is not what they imagined. It’s the day-to-day reality of the work, and they may find no joy in it. When you pursue a path that isn’t truly yours, you unconsciously sabotage yourself. You're not interested in the subjects, you're late for work, you get sick often, and you don’t enjoy yourself.

Waking Up from the Autopilot

How can you tell if you are running on ineffective ancestral programs? The signs are often clear: you get sick more often than others, you struggle with memory and attention, you’re always late, and you forget things. You may feel like you’ve hit a ceiling in your career or personal growth, unable to earn more or become more productive no matter how hard you try.

The key is to recognize in time what you truly need and to turn off the autopilot set by these inherited patterns. To do this, you must learn to have a dialogue with your unconscious and give your inner interests and needs a chance to be heard.

In the past, people found their way without modern psychology, often through the power of good examples. You can only become a master by being near a master. You can only become a true individual by being close to one. If you are lucky enough to meet a teacher, a mentor, or a coach who is passionate about their work, they can show you an example of self-realization. If you become sincerely interested, you can take your destiny into your own hands and climb out of the rut created by your ancestral programs.

Ultimately, our destiny is in our hands. Even if it’s not always the case, it is useful to believe that it is. Your life depends on four things:

1. How well you understand the world and obey its fundamental laws.
2. How wisely you use the resources you have.
3. How well you can change, adapt, and learn.
4. How wisely you manage your time.

This is how you build your own life instead of going with a flow you don't control. Take a moment to diagnose yourself. Have you found your path? Do you enjoy life and feel happy every day? What is the state of your health? It is often the most honest indicator of whether you are living your life or someone else’s.

References

• Van der Kolk, B. A. (2014). The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma. Viking.
  This work provides a deep exploration of how traumatic experiences, particularly developmental and attachment trauma from early childhood, are stored in the body and brain. It explains how these unprocessed experiences can shape our adult behaviors, emotional responses, health, and capacity for connection, aligning with the article's discussion of insecure attachment and its long-term effects.
• Blum, K., Chen, A. L., Chen, T. J., et al. (2008). Dopamine D2 receptor Taq(1)A A1 allele in highly screened non-smoking and non-comorbid alcohol dependent males is associated with reward-craving symptomatology. Neuropsychiatric Disease and Treatment, 4(4), 767–778.
  This scientific paper is one of many that explores the connection between the DRD2 gene (specifically the A1 allele variant) and addictive or compulsive behaviors. It supports the article's claim that our genetic makeup, especially related to the dopamine reward system, can create a biological predisposition for conditions like substance dependence and, by extension, emotional overeating.
• Meaney, M. J. (2001). Maternal care, gene expression, and the transmission of individual differences in stress reactivity across generations. Annual Review of Neuroscience, 24, 1161-1192.
  This is a foundational review in the field of epigenetics that demonstrates how the quality of maternal care in early life can directly alter gene expression in offspring, specifically genes that regulate the stress response. This research provides a strong scientific basis for the article’s central premise that early emotional environments can physically "turn on" or "off" certain genes, thereby transmitting behavioral patterns across generations.