How I found my way of journaling

I have always been writing since I was a child. I would write poems, jot down abstract thoughts and daydreams, and my feelings, wishes, and aspirations. In those days, writing diaries was very popular, and everyone thought highly of those who did. Although I wouldn’t say my words were well organized, I didn’t realize the impact my writing had on processing my thoughts and feelings. What I believed was that I’m creative and that one day I would learn to become a writer. Those were the reveries of a child, secure in the knowledge that she would find her way. I never connected that it was a deeply therapeutic process that one day I would be recommending to others.

As I grew up, I started hearing that people journaled regularly, and those who did were calmer and more self-aware. I was intrigued to find out more about journaling and started researching by reading books and asking my teachers and those who I thought loved reading. This was before the internet era, and even later, when there was limited access, books and consulting others were prevalent ways of finding information. I understood from my research that to journal, you need to write coherently and in a grammatically correct way, irrespective of the language, and that it must make sense. This became an obstacle for me to start journaling, as I thought I was not yet good enough to write the way journaling needed to be done.

Although I would sometimes write poems, jot down my random thoughts, or simply write whatever was on my mind, I would refuse to call it journaling as I thought my writing was not as per the journaling ‘standard’. It wasn’t until I started working that I realized that journaling, as I had come to understand it, was possibly similar to or the same as what I had been practising all my life. That made sense to me, as the experience felt the same when I wrote my way or tried ‘proper’ journaling with the aid of dictionaries and thesaurus. And then life got busier; what I would recommend to others became a task on my ever-increasing to-do list.

One day, I found myself using self-talk to grumble to myself about how I couldn’t find time to write and stumbled onto audio journaling. It was quicker, and I could play back the audio and reflect on my words. This led me to look for other ways of journaling, and I discovered that processing your thoughts could be done in several ways, like video journaling, drawing, doodling, recording thoughts and feelings in one or two words, and so much more. I found loads of information online on other creative ways to journal. But there were days when there was so much going on and so many events to process that nothing came out or moved. It felt like my body would freeze, although my mind was racing. I would stare at the screen or my journal, but my hands stayed still.

Once, when this happened, I got annoyed at myself and swivelled my chair with a lot of force. This action changed my body's sensation. I noticed that I could move my body to unfreeze, so I got up and slowly walked around the house. I returned to my desk and wrote about this experience. I had an aha moment that I could journal in a different way. Of course, I found research online on the impact of moving the body that supported my experience. As time went on, I added taking short walks in the backyard, going up and down the stairs, or even stretching to shift my body sensations when I felt writing was a tad effortful. Now, when I go for my runs or dance around the house, I am more aware of my feelings moving through my body, and my thoughts start to make sense. When they settle, I sometimes audio journal, doodle, and sometimes write. Whatever flows is my journaling.

What is your way of journaling?